


Mirror of the Soul

by startrekkingaroundasgard



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Healing, Kidnapping, Psychological Torture, lots of feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 09:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 64,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14210178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/startrekkingaroundasgard/pseuds/startrekkingaroundasgard
Summary: The reader has the power to see people’s souls when they look into their eyes but using their powers almost kills them. At one of her uncle Tony’s parties at the Tower, the reader’s peace is interrupted forever when Loki comes over to chat.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on tumblr, follow me at startrekkingaroundasgard :D

"No thank you," you said, not bothering to look up from your sketch. You'd chosen that dark corner of the room for a reason; the shadows were supposed to hide you from view of the rest of the parties guests and give you somewhere peaceful to hide away until everyone finally left.  
  
So far the people around you had chatted and laughed, enjoying their evenings, completely unaware of your existence - a fact that didn't bother you in the slightest. But now, the figure standing before you seemed intent on blocking your view of the room and wouldn't leave without a moment of your attention.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
You looked up ever so slightly and, keeping your voice as level as you could, told the intruder, "Whatever it is that you were going to offer me, I don't want it. Keep your drinks, your compliments... I don't want companionship, Loki."  
  
"You know who I am?"  
  
"I know everyone," you said, matter-of-factly. You had been living in the Avengers Tower for three months although admittedly you'd barely left your room during that time. Whilst you'd not actually met any of these people face to face, you'd read enough about the residents of the building to know who was who. A redeemed war criminal and a god from mythology was hard to forget. "If you don't mind, I'd really rather be alone."  
  
Ignoring your words completely, Loki perched himself on the thick arm of the chair in which you had taken refuge and studied your sketch. His forehead crumpled as he tried to work out what the swirls of colour represented but, coming to no conclusion, he instead pointed out, "You've not made eye contact with a single person here tonight."  
  
"So what?"  
  
"I just wondered why you'd bother coming at all if you had no intention of socialising."  
  
Uncurling your legs from beneath you, you rose to your feet and turned to leave. Loki immediately stood too, matching you in height - but only because you were wearing heels; normally he'd have had at least 5 inches on you. Keeping your unfocused gaze on the ground, not looking back over your shoulder, you mumbled, "Have a good evening, Loki."  
  
Having finally pushed your way through the crowd towards your uncle Tony, you tapped his arm and nodded towards the exit. He smiled understandingly and kissed your forehead, wishing you a good night's sleep. You both knew how unlikely that would be.  
  
A few hours later, needing a break from staring blankly at your computer screens, you grabbed a blanket and silently made your way to the kitchen, down the hall from your room. You switched the light on and set about making yourself a sandwich when you heard something at the door.  
  
"Isn't it a little late for a sandwich?" Loki asked. You cast a brief look in his general direction and saw him leaning casually against the doorframe. He looked good but you stopped yourself from studying him too deeply for fear of what would follow.  
  
"I don't run on a normal daylight schedule," you pointed out.  
  
"What do you do that requires such a strange timetable?"  
  
Glancing over his way before letting your gaze fall again, you said, "It's only strange because you follow a different pattern."  
  
"That doesn't answer my question."  
  
"I know," you replied, placing your sandwich on a plate and cutting it diagonally in half. Rummaging through one of the highest cupboards, you found a packet of biscuits and put a few on the plate. Loki didn't say anything but he knew the packet actually belonged to Tony who had been hiding them, convinced that someone was stealing them in the night. Who knew he'd been right.  
  
Having replaced the packet, you turned on your heels and headed out the kitchen without another word but, before you could make it two steps past the god, he caught your arm and pulled you back towards him. "You still won't look at me."  
  
You stayed silent, really not wanting to go into the details. The last thing you wanted from Loki - from anybody - was sympathy or judgement. Gently tugging your arm free, you whispered, "I can't."  
  
"Can't what?"  
  
"Look at you! At anyone!" you hissed, far more aggressively than you'd intended. Taking a calming breath, you explained, "When I look into a person's eyes, I see their soul. It's too overwhelming. I don't know how to control what I see."  
  
"Is that what you were drawing at the party?"  
  
"Sort of. Even if I don't make eye contact, I can still see souls as a light around a person. It tells me a lot about them. Kind or cruel. Brave or cowardly. It can be helpful in knowing who to stay away from."  
  
Loki didn't respond and the silence hung heavily between you. It took you a moment but you quickly realised what was bothering him so much about this. He thought that your refusal to meet his gaze was a condemnation of his soul based on the glimpse you must have seen around him.  
  
You grabbed his arm as he went to leave and shook your head. "Oh! It's not what you think, Loki..."  
  
He clearly didn't believe you so, despite knowing that you'd regret it, you let yourself meet his dark glare. What you saw was almost indescribable. Your vision filled with colours so intense you feared you'd go blind in their majesty. Huge swirls of green and blue wrapped themselves around you, pulling so tightly that you could almost forget they weren't really there. The vision was so dynamic, never once stopping in its ebbing and flowing as the colours rolled over you.  
  
As you tried to push them colours away, you noticed cracks beginning to form in the vibrant ribbons. They grew and grew until the grey and black had tainted every single strand around you. It drained the energy from the swirls, leaving them cold and broken.  
  
The emptiness started to spread through your own body and you could feel yourself shaking, unable to stop it. Your heart was pounding so quickly in your chest that you were sure it would burst out any second now. The pain in your head was so sharp it felt like you'd been shot. It took every ounce of your control - fuelled by an underlying current of panic - to push the visions away until all you could see was a never-ending blackness.  
  
Opening your eyes, you found yourself in your bed. Tony was sat awkwardly in a chair beside your feet, his limbs hanging heavily as he slept. You didn't dare look but knew you had other company too. Keeping your gaze on the ceiling, you said quietly, "It wasn't because I thought I'd see horrible things, Loki. I wasn't looking because every time I do it almost kills me."  
  
Without even thinking, you turned over and looked him straight in the eyes. Much to your surprise, you saw nothing. Only the beautiful emerald green of his irises. You tried to speak but no sound came out and you ended up gawping at the god. "I... I... How?"  
  
"An illusion," he said, gesturing to his body with a strangely proud look on his face. Obviously, you would be proud if you looked as great as he did but you suspected that probably wasn't the source of his smugness - at least not today. "My very clever solution. Illusions have no souls. You can look at me without fear."  
  
"I don't fear you, Loki," you replied, a little too quickly. "Why would you do this?"  
  
"I know what it is like to live in solitude. You deserve better than that."A grin spread across his face as he added, "Plus, it will annoy everyone else when they realise I've gotten to know you before them."  
  
You scoffed, rolling over again so your back was to him. "Thank you, Loki, but right now I just want to sleep. I need to clear my head before I can really process this."  
  
A tingle spread across your head as Loki stroked your hair but before you could turn to him the illusion had faded. In that moment, Tony began to stir. He groaned as he stretched his arms out, shaking off the stiffness from sleeping in a chair far too small for him. "Morning... How are you feeling?"  
  
"I've been worse," you said, pulling the quilt over your face so you weren't tempted to look your uncle in the eye. You let out a moan as you felt a sharp pain in your chest, momentarily taking your attention away from the dull thudding in your skull. "Damage report?"  
  
"Loki caught you so there wasn't too much damage. We ran a few tests, anyway."You knew his lack of further explanation meant the results hadn't been good. You felt the bed sag under his added weight as he sat beside you. "No-one's going to treat you differently here, Y/N. We've all suffered. If you let us, I'm sure we could come up with a solution."  
  
You were about to snap back that you weren't a lab rat to be experimented on but held your tongue. He was only trying to help you live a normal life and if anyone could come up with a solution, it would be Tony...  
  
Much to your uncle's surprise you peaked your head out from beneath the quilt and nodded. Even though you kept your gaze away from his eyes, it was clear he was worried about you. "Thank you, Tony. I really would like that. But now? Go get some rest. You look awful."  
  
"So do you," he mumbled back, ruffling your hair as he left.


	2. Chapter 2

"Put the knife away, Nat,“ Tony said, his eyes fixed on the magazine in his hands.

Slowly, Natasha did as he said but her muscles remained tight, ready to pounce should she need to. She continued to stare intently at the dark corner of the room in a failing attempt to make out the identity of their unexpected guest.

"She won’t come out if you keep that up,” Tony groaned, throwing the magazine onto the table. He practically jumped to his feet and reached into the shadows, wrapping his hand around you arm and pulling you into the light. “See? Definitely not an assassin.”

You certainly weren’t what Natasha had been expecting and her cheeks flushed ever so slightly in embarrassment. “Oh, hi. Sorry. You must be Y/N.”

Ripping your arm free from your uncle’s grip you took a seat on the floor, resting your forehead against the full length window and taking in the view. “Don’t worry about it,” you told Natasha quietly. “It’s good to meet you.”

Scanning the city before you, your vision focused in on the bright green light shining in a park blocks away. Even from a distance, amid the millions of others that lived around the Tower, you could sense the complexity of Loki’s soul. It called to you and you wished that it were possible to get closer. Sadly, you knew you’d never be able to join him - a thought that made your chest ache. Being in public was far too dangerous for you.

A hand on your shoulder brought you back to the room with a start. A gentle squeeze told you that you didn’t need to worry, not that it mattered. Your fear had immediately dissipated when the distinct yellow mist filtered into your peripheral vision. You knew the feel of Tony’s soul well. Being family, his aura was almost tangible and it wrapped its way comfortingly around you whenever he was near. You often told him that he was like a warm blanket to you, a description that he was secretly delighted by.

"Sorry. What did you say?“ you asked, purposely keeping your gaze from the beacon of green. Instead, you lifted your gaze to the sky and watched the planes fly by, half wishing that you could just board a jet and fly away for ever.

"Nat asked how you were, kiddo,” Tony whispered, sitting himself down beside you and bringing you into an embrace. You rested your head on his shoulder and the desire to fly away suddenly lessened. For a second, you felt truly welcomed in his home and in his life but you pushed that comfort away, remembering how dangerous it was to get comfortable.

"I’m fine,“ you said automatically. A moment later, in response to Tony’s deep sigh against the top of your head, you added, "My head still hurts but today I’m actually… Well, I don’t feel so numb.”

Reflected in the glass, you watched a goofy smile spread over your uncle’s face. “That’s great, Y/N.”

"Yeah, I guess it is,“ you said, Tony’s enthusiasm contagious.

Your mind had already begun to wander so you missed her exact words but as you half registered Natasha’s voice you turned to face her. Immediately you regretted it. Even without making eye contact, the strength of the assassin’s soul hit you like a tonne of bricks.

Scrunching your eyes shut, you tried to separate yourself from the vision but the tightly wound crimson ribbons shot at you with a fierceness that you couldn’t avoid. You tried to draw strength from Tony, practically praying for his familiar yellow haze to protect you, however it made no difference.

"Get me out of here,” you screamed, although it came out as more of a tortured whispered. A strong pair of arms lifted you up and bit by bit the burning crimson bonds loosened their hold around you. As cold air rushed back into your lungs, your fear began to drain away until you once again felt nothing.

Sometime later, you murmured, “I tried… She has to understand… I really wanted to…”

"I know, I know,“ Tony said, gently stroking the back of your head when you curled up against him. He flung a blanket over you both, wrapping you up to reinforce the atmosphere of safe. It helped. Your muscles relaxed and your trembling finally subsided.

Swallowing deeply to steady his own voice, thoroughly shaken by having to watch you suffer and being completely unable to help, your uncle asked, "Can I get you anything? Tea? A sandwich?”

You shook your head against his chest, immensely grateful that he hadn’t asked if you were okay. In your current state, the answer to that question was fairly obvious but that rarely seemed to stop normal people from asking anyway. “Actually, there is something…”

Surprised by the sudden change, Tony straightened and told you that he’d get you anything you needed. You allowed the briefest smile to tug at your lips at his eagerness. Even though you couldn’t see it, you could feel the small bursts of grey flashing around him; this pure desire to help protect someone else always made your skin feel tingly.

"You know those biscuits that you hide…“

"I knew someone was stealing them!” he exclaimed. Placing a kiss on your forehead, he promised to return with a selection of biscuits fit for the gods themselves.

You heard the door close and finally opened your eyes, almost letting out a scream when you saw Loki appear a few feet away. He immediately held his hands up defensively. “It’s alright, Y/N! I’m only an illusion.”

He waved his hands around a little, as if that would help prove his point, before sitting cross legged in front of you. His gorgeous green eyes met yours, the corners crinkled in worry, as he said, “I heard about what happened earlier.”

"I thought I could do it,“ you sighed, instinctively lowering your gaze to his hands.

"Hey, look at me.” Loki went to lift your chin up but stopped just before he touched your skin to save the illusion from shattering. Even though his fingers didn’t actually make contact, the closeness was enough to send a shiver down your spine. “Look at the positive here. You left your room and went out with the intention of getting to know someone else. Even if it didn’t end the way that you’d hoped, it’s a step forward.”

Rubbing the back of your neck with one hand and pulling the blanket tighter around you with the other, you nodded in agreement. “I guess. I just wasn’t prepared for how intense Natasha’s soul would be.”

"Did you even look her in the eye?“

"No. It hit me before I got anywhere close. I guess she isn’t one to feel things lightly.” Biting the inside of your lip, you changed the subject, desperate to escape the earlier failure. “How was your walk? I saw you in the park.”

Loki leant forward, intrigued. “You saw me?”

"I mean, I saw your soul. That shade of green is unique to you. Well, it might not be… I’ve just never seen it anywhere else. And it burns so brightly.“ You took a deep breath to try and calm yourself. You knew you were rambling but Loki didn’t seem to mind. In fact, it made him smile in a way that lit up his entire face. "It stood out in a sea of millions. I couldn’t help but follow it.”

Trying desperately to hide his grin - an action that only seemed to make him smile more - Loki said, “My walk was very pleasant. It is good to get away from this place every now and then. Maybe one day you will accompany me.”

"I’d love nothing more,“ you said honestly, although you knew it’d never be. 

"Oh, don’t be sad,” Loki murmured, lifting his hand to your cheek. The amount of control he possessed to hold it so close without touching you was astounding. “My sweet Y/N. It’ll be alright eventually. I believe you are more than strong enough to control this power.”

"Loki, I…“ you paused mid thought, hearing Tony causing a commotion in the hallway. Your eyes flickered to the door then back to the god. For one long, terrible second you thought that Loki wouldn’t meet your gaze and when he finally did your chest suddenly felt ten pounds lighter. "Will you come back later?”

His intense glare softened and he nodded. “What do you want to…”

"Bring a book,“ you interrupted, knowing your uncle would clatter through the door any second. "I mean, if you can do that… I’d love for you to read to me.”

Loki nodded, hiding a smirk at the adorable nature of your request. Leaning forward, he planted a kiss on your forehead and the illusion faded just as Tony kicked the door open.

"Thank you! Oh, god, Tony, look out!“ You squealed just as he tripped over a shoe, lying forgotten in the middle of the floor. He hit the ground with a loud grunt and you couldn’t help but laugh at the sight before you. The two of you were so caught up in hysterics that it barely registered when your gazes met.


	3. Chapter 3

You spent most of your time in the months that followed in Tony’s lab.

A few days after Tony had thrown biscuits around your room, the details of that moment had clicked in your brain. Somehow, you’d been able to meet your uncle’s eyes without any consequences. No pain at all. You’d not told him though. He didn’t need his judgement clouded by a fluke.

Whilst he seemed to be making progress - however painfully slow - you spent most of your days asleep on the small sofa in the corner of the room. For most of the experiments that your uncle ran you were actually rarely needed. He just sat talking to JARVIS, running hundreds of simulations.

When he did test his inventions on you, it was sadly never long before you ended up passed out on the floor or cradling your skull in pain. You’d had to limit the number of tests you performed as each failure had brought your heart closer to stopping. One disastrous attempt had ended with you blind to the world for an entire week. Despite this, you stayed by Tony’s side, always ready to give encouragement no matter how badly the tests went.

Occasionally, Bruce would join your uncle in his research but he never spoke to you. Not out of rudeness, of course. Aside from Tony, he was the only Avenger that seemed to understand the importance of leaving you alone. It didn’t mean he ignored you, though; every now and then he would throw screwed up pieces of paper your way with little messages scribbled across the pages. Your favourite messages were the ones were he complained about Tony. There were a lot of those.

The other Avengers still tried to engage you in conversation but, as bad as it made you feel, you’d started leaving the room whenever someone tried to talk to you. Contradictory as it may seem, around the Earth’s protectors you never felt safe. They were too kind, too caring. They made it too easy to forget how dangerous it was when you opened yourself up to the world.

"Y/N! Wake up!“ Tony said, jumping up and down like a kid high on sugar. Shaking you by the shoulders, he practically screamed at you to get off the comfy sofa.

"How long have I been asleep?” you grumbled, pulling the blanket over your head.

"About ten minutes. Now come on!“

Trust Tony to finish his 48 hour long stint just as you drifted off to sleep. With a deep, unappreciative groan, you threw your heavy legs off the sofa and forced yourself to sit up. Rubbing your eyes, the world around you still blurry, you told him, "This had better be worth it.”

"It will! I’m sure this will work.“ He dragged you over to his work bench and sat you on a tall stool. You had to lean back against the bench to stop your body from swaying in exhaustion.

"Right, put these on for me,” Tony ordered, handing you a pair of glasses. The frames were attached to hundreds of wires which, in his haste, Tony had managed to pull into a very impressive knot.

He tapped away on his computer and the lenses soon acquired a blue tint. Looking over his shoulder, Tony asked you to describe the technical readouts that appeared inside the lenses. You didn’t understand a word you were saying but suspected it was good news when Tony poured himself a celebratory drink. “Okay, I think they’re ready. Do you want to try them out?”

You nodded nervously, now completely awake. Anxiously lifting your gaze to your uncle’s eyes, you stared on in amazement. Clear as day, Tony sat before you - without a shimmer! You focused harder, searching for any sign of the yellow mist that usually surrounded him but could find nothing. For the first time in weeks, you felt a stupid grin tugging at your lips.

The sharp lines on his face softened and his brown eyes shone in the artificial daylight of the lab. The transformation was stunning; he looked ten years younger, smiling in a way he’d not done since you were a child. However, moments later, a crinkle appeared on his forehead and you were blinded by a bright flash of yellow.

"It’s not your fault, Tony. You’re getting there. This was a huge step forward! Y/N will understand. She knows that you are trying your best.“ Bruce’s soothing voice filled the lab and, even without opening your eyes, you knew that Tony would have visibly relaxed. "You’ll find an answer soon enough.”

"I feel like I’m failing her,“ he admitted and you felt your heart break into a thousand tiny pieces. "Nothing I’ve tried will work as a long term solution and every time I fail Y/N has to suffer.”

Bruce was so busy trying to console his friend that neither man noticed you slip out of the lab through the back stairs.

"JARVIS?“ you whispered as you made your way around the service corridors.

"What can I do for you, miss Stark?”

"Can you stop tracking me? I know Tony has you keeping an eye on me but I don’t want to be found. Not for a while, at least. I have to think.“

"I can’t do that, miss.”

"JARVIS, please!“ you begged the AI. You actually liked him a lot, being able to converse with him about all manners of topics without the fear of making eye contact. It had taken you a while to get used to chatting to an empty room but you’d quickly gotten over it and now looked forward to your daily conversations.

You could practically hear the computer trying to come up with a solution and swore you could hear a smugness in the metallic voice when he told you, "There are sensor blind spots in some of these service corridors. If you happened to be in one such spot when I ran a scan for your location, I would not be able to pinpoint your position. It would take hours to manually search the building.”

"Thank you, JARVIS. Thank you so much,“ you murmured gratefully, heading off up the stairs. You found a small crook a few floors up, a tiny platform off the stairs with a window looking down on the city.

Lines of moving headlights flowed around the Tower like rivers of light. Occasionally you caught sight of bright bursts of colour, souls flaring up with emotion and calling out to you. It was too dark to see who the people were - and you were too high up anyway - but the busyness of the world below actually helped to calm your thoughts.

Hours passed and the sun soon began to shine. You were beyond tired; aside from your ten minute nap last night, and your brief stint of unconsciousness after the failed experiment, you’d not slept in almost 3 days. Even for you, surviving that length of time without rest was a stretch. However, the natural light kept you awake and you just drifted into a sort of trance.

"Nice place you’ve found,” a familiar voice drifted down the staircase.

You turned your head over your shoulder to face Loki and mustered a tired smile. “I needed to be alone.”

"I tried to visit you earlier. The AI said you’d left the lab so I went to your room but you weren’t there.“ A long silence stretched between you before Loki told you, "Everyone’s been trying to find you for hours.”

"Remind me to thank JARVIS again,“ you whispered, rubbing your temples. Lack of sleep combined with a severe bump on the head from hitting the floor of the lab earlier had left you with a splitting headache. "Are you going to tell them you found me? Want to be the hero of the hour?”

Loki shot you a dark look that managed to perfectly convey his feelings on the matter. “No need. They’ll find you soon enough.”

"You’re a good person, Loki.“ The world suddenly seemed to be at a strange angle but you realised after a long moment of confusion that that was because you’d slumped to the ground, your body no longer able to hold itself up straight.

Looking up at the god, who had moved down a few more steps to keep an eye on you, you muttered, "I think I’m very sleepy. Wouldn’t it be cool if the sky was purple? I love purple. There isn’t enough of it. Or stars. They’re only there for a few hours then poof. All gone. Wait. Not gone. Just hidden. It’d be so cool to be invisible.”

"I’d say you’re probably right,“ he agreed, although you couldn’t be sure which of your statements the god was actually agree with. "I’d also say you are remarkably adorable when you’re tired.”

"You know what else is adorable?“ you asked as you pushed against the concrete wall, twisting your body into another strange - yet surprisingly comfortable - position. "Tigers. They look all cute and fluffy but they’d bite off your hand in a second. I like that.”

"Is that so?“ Loki asked, leaning forward on his knees. His eyes crinkled around the edges as he smiled, clearly amused by your exhausted ramblings.

"You’re a bit like a tiger. Cute on the outside and all dangerous on the inside. Or maybe it’s the other way around… All dark and murder-y on the outside but soft and sweet inside. Like… Like whatever animal that’s like,” you said, descending into hysterics. “Like a burnt cake!”

Loki raised his eyebrows, muttering something along the lines of, “cakes aren’t animals” before shuffling down the final few steps to reach you. He brought his head down to yours, which was now basically supporting the entire weight of your body as you twisted into a know to rival a professional contortionist. “Do you want me to tell you a new story?”

"I’m not a child,“ you said indignantly, collapsing into a heap. With a sigh, you stretched out across the step and looked up at Loki. "I’m sorry. I’d love to hear another story. Please?”

With a small smile, he began telling you about the time he and Thor had pretended to be the most beautiful goddess of all and her handmaiden in order to reclaim mjolnir after it’d had been stolen. “Of course, it was me that did all the work when it came to finding my brother’s hammer…”

"I bet you looked amazing in a dress,“ you yawned, unable to keep your eyes open any longer.

"You should have seen Thor,” Loki said fondly, absentmindedly tracing the edge of your jaw line with his fingers.

"I love your stories,“ you told him. At least, you thought you said it out loud. You might have just thought it instead. Dreams and reality were getting a lot harder to separate now.

"Tony! I’ve found her!” You heard a loud voice shouting somewhere nearby. It wasn’t smooth and silky like Loki’s. It was much higher. Much harder. Definitely a woman.

Rolling off your step, groaning as you hit the one below with a thus, you looked up and said dreamily, “Hey, Nat… You’re definitely a tiger.”

"Oh, Y/N.“ She swept you up in her arms and threw you over her shoulder, jogging down a few steps until she bumped into your uncle. "She’s fine, just delirious. Nothing that a good sleep won’t cure.”

Tony nodded, his face pale with worry. He let Natasha carry you back to your room before tucking you into bed - but not before getting JARVIS to double check the bump on your head from earlier. When the scans came back negative for a concussion, Tony grabbed a spare pillow from the end of your bed and made himself comfy on the floor.


	4. Chapter 4

The first thought that went through your head when you woke up was how much you wanted a sandwich. Ham and cheese. Or maybe tuna mayo. No. Jam. A good, old fashioned jam sandwich on crappy, processed white bread. It was pretty much all you could think of so you jumped out of bed, tripping over something on the floor, and headed towards the kitchen.

Sandwich made, you practically flipped onto the biggest sofa, stretching out in the darkness to enjoy your breakfast. For the first time in as long as you could remember, you felt truly peaceful and you held on to that feeling, knowing it wouldn’t last. It was much easier to be positive in the dead of night when you couldn’t see your problems.

Finishing the first half of your sandwich, you suddenly felt a warm buzz nearby. “Hello?” you whispered, into the pitch black room. “Is someone there?”

"It’s alright, Y/N. It’s only me.“

"Where are you, Doctor Banner?” You were almost frantically scanning the room, looking for some tell tale sign of a soul, to place him but it was like he was invisible. “You’re freaking me out a little bit…”

Suddenly, you saw a dim brown light in the corner of the room and you let out a deep, deep sigh of relief. You were still confused though so, against your better judgement, you fumbled around the room until you sat in the nearest chair to him, breakfast long forgotten. “What you doing up so late, Bruce?”

"I couldn’t sleep so came up here to think. I’m sorry I scared you.“

"It’s fine,” you said, watching the faint glow intently. Obviously in the dark you couldn’t see his face, but you suspected that the light was concentrated around his chest. The harder you studied it, the more detail you saw. Amidst the brown were thin strands of purple, which occasionally flickered red. “What are you thinking about?”

"Many things,“ Bruce answered vaguely.

You could hear him shuffling in the darkness and guessed the source of his nerves. "It’s okay. I’m not going to run out screaming or anything like that. Your soul is different. It’s… No, never mind.”

Most people would have demanded to know more about what you could see but Bruce didn’t. He simply reached backwards towards where you sat and gently squeezed your arm. Almost having read your thoughts, he told you, “Of course I’m intrigued but you don’t have to tell me. Your health is too important to risk for my curiosity.”

Placing your hand on top of his, you tried to find the words to explain what you were seeing. “You keep a tight hold on your soul. I can see it but it’s more like an echo. It looks distant, pretty much out of my reach, actually. I can feel it though. Almost like touching electricity; my fingertips are buzzing and it makes the hairs on the back of my neck tremble. I’m sorry, this probably makes me sound like a mad hippy…”

When Bruce assured you otherwise, in a voice so calm that you knew he couldn’t possibly be lying, you continued, “These visions or manifestations or whatever it is that I see, they tell me a lot about a person. The colours. The way they ebb and flow or protect a person like a shell. Constantly changing. Even when they are dim, I feel the life of a person. You… You have one of the strongest souls I’ve ever crossed.”

A few heavy moments passed between you before Bruce asked, “Is that how you see the world all the time?”

"Yeah,“ you said, turning your head away from him. While you couldn’t see his gaze, you could feel it on your face. "It’s taken a long time to understand what the souls are telling me and most of the time it’s just overwhelming. To know so much about a person just by looking at them… And that’s without their souls trying to physically attack me.”

"It must be beautiful.“

"It can be. Bruce, what is it that you aren’t telling me?”

He let out a humourless laugh. “You’re very perceptive, Y/N. I should admit that I’ve been having JARVIS take extra scans of you for the past few weeks. Tony doesn’t know. He hasn’t seen them yet and I don’t want him to, either.”

Forcing the muscles in your hand to relax, you asked, already suspecting the answer, “What do the scans show?”

"I’m so sorry, Y/N, but it’s not good. There’s severe degradation in the neural pathways of your brain and it’s only going to get worse. For now, your body is managing to redirect the pathways away from the damaged areas but there will come a point when irreversible damage has been done. Are you okay, Y/N?“

"How long?” you asked, swallowing back the bile that was rising in your throat. You couldn’t bear to answer his question, knowing that acknowledging your feelings would push you over the edge.

"I don’t know. I’m trying to work on a temporary solution in case Tony can’t make something to help control your powers but this isn’t my area of expertise…“

You gave him a sad smile despite knowing that he wouldn’t be able to see it. As stealthily as you could, you wiped away the tear that rolled down your cheek. "I appreciate that, Bruce. I really do. I’ve known for a while that this would happen eventually. Is there a way to slow it down?”

"Honestly? I don’t know. I’d say avoidance but that’s no life worth living.“

"You’re right,” you agreed. For years, you had locked yourself away from the rest of society, pushing everyone aside for fear of what would happen when you got too close. Since coming to live in the Tower, you’d loosened up and found that actually being around other people was a far better way to live. The enjoyment of being around those you loved increasingly outweighed the danger. "I also think you’re right to keep this away from my uncle. I don’t want to hurt him any more than I already am.“

"He adores you. I’ve never seen him this determined. He will keep trying, Y/N.”

"I know. I don’t doubt him. Not for a single second.“

Shortly after, you headed back to bed, once again tripping over whatever was on your floor. You made a mental note to clean it up in the morning.

***

"What time is it?” you groaned as a pair of hands shook your shoulders. Even through closed eyes you could see the sun shining brightly outside and it just made you long for the darkness again. “Let me sleep…”

"Shove over, kiddo. My back hurts.“

Doing as you were told, you shuffled over to one side of your huge bed to make room for your uncle. Head still under the quilt, you mumbled, "Why? Did you fall over something?”

"More like something fell over me. Twice.“

You stiffened under the covers, mortified when you realised what Tony was saying. Peaking your head just out of your quilt, hiding the grin on your face, you whispered, "I’m so sorry…”

Tony placed a kiss on the back of your head. “Liar. How do you feel? I’m pretty sure we slept through all of yesterday.”

"Been worse,“ you mumbled back noncommittally. Crawling out of bed, you shuffled over to your wardrobe and threw on a thick, oversized hoodie. You pulled it over your curled up legs as you perched yourself on the window seat. "What about you?”

"Don’t you worry about me. I’m quite content to lay here all day.“

You couldn’t help but scoff at that, which earned you a pillow to the face. Throwing your hands in the air, smirking as you looked down on the city below, you said, "Don’t kid yourself; you don’t know how to relax. Go back to your precious lab and be a genius. Make sure you grab some breakfast on your way, though.”

"Yes, Sir,“ he said, giving you a mock salute as he jumped off your bed. For all his joking, you knew that he would follow your suggestion even if he only ended up with a cup of coffee. In your mind that was better than nothing and you couldn’t bear the thought of Tony missing meals because he was working on a project for you. "Come down and check on me later? If you need anything… Anything at all…”

"I’ll know where to find you. Now, go!“

Once you were alone, having finally shooed him from your room, you let out a sigh as the weight of the world hit you. Tears rolled silently down your cheeks, the reality of your situation smothering you. Despite the outer show of emotion, inside you felt empty. That small spark of life was dwindling once again. What was the use in fighting a battle you could not win?

"You should tell your uncle to close the door behind him. It’ll cause a draught.”

Fighting to keep your voice level, you muttered, “If it’s all the same to you, Loki, I’d rather not have company right now.”

"You should never be alone when you feel like that,“ he said, suddenly standing right behind you. His chest was so close to your back that you could feel it rise and fall with every breath he took.

"I really don’t want to talk right now.” You heard your voice crack as you held back the tears but refused to turn to face him. You didn’t want Loki to see you like this.

Hesitantly, Loki stepped away and for a moment you thought he’d actually left you - and that made you inexplicably angry. However, you then heard the bed creak as he stretched out across it, saying, “I like this bed. It’s a lot bouncier than mine. Don’t worry, I don’t expect you to chat. I brought a book with me so I’m quite content to sit here all day waiting.”

Unlike Tony, you knew that Loki actually would sit around all day without complaining. He would, however, spend all that time looking over the top of his book to check that you were okay. The god wouldn’t ask out right, though. He was far too intelligent to risk doing that.

And so, knowing that it had to be better to face him now, you swung off the window seat and crawled back onto your bed. Loki immediately put his book down and opened his arms, wordlessly inviting you into a hug that you gratefully accepted. Your head buried in his chest, you silently sobbed until there were no more tears to shed.


	5. Chapter 5

Tony gave you the benefit of the doubt for a few days but, having neither seen nor heard from you for three days, he decided enough was enough. He hammered on the door until his hand was red, at which point he called one of his suits from the lab and just punched a hole through the metal door. After that, letting himself in was surprisingly easy.

You didn’t register his presence; you hadn’t even heard the loud noise over your headphones. They were the best noise cancelling headphones in the world. A bomb could go off and you’d never know so, really, Tony had never stood a chance at grabbing your attention.

What did grab his attention, though, was Loki’s sleeping figure. The god was slumped in a large chair beside you, his head hanging limply as he dreamt. Tony tried to make sense of the scene before him - as far as he knew you’d never really spoken to Loki before, let alone invited him into your room.

Knowing that coughing would do little to alert you to his presence, he strode across to your computer station and pulled the oversized headphones from your head. “Y/N, what’s going on?”

With a flick of your hand, the screens before you went black and you stared at your uncle’s reflection in the glass. He clearly hadn’t shaved for a few days and his eyes looked dark. He looked worse than you’d seen him in a long while.

"I’ve been working…“ you said, confused by his sudden appearance in your room. The only time he ever let himself in was when something bad was happening in the Tower. He didn’t seem quite stressed enough for that to be the case, but you did notice one of his suits standing open by the door. "What’s wrong, Tony?”

"No-one’s seen you for three days, Y/N. I’ve been worried about you.“ He ran a hand through his hair, self conscious about what now seemed over enthusiastic measures to check on you. "You never came down to the lab to see me…”

Seeing his reflection in the dark screen, the look of pain in his eyes, you felt your throat constricting. He’d been so hurt by your silence, believing that he’d done something wrong. As he turned around to leave, you knew what you had to do. You reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him back. “Tony, I need to tell you something…”

It was one of the hardest conversations you’d ever had, telling your uncle what you knew. You explained what Bruce had told you about how your powers were causing more serious damage than you’d previously believed. Tony blamed himself, no matter how much you disagreed. He didn’t cry but his silence was worse.

"Please say something…“ Holding back your own tears, you gripped his hand as if your life depended on it. You could feel him pulling away, subconsciously distancing himself to try and avoid the pain. The bright yellow shimmer that normally shone proud and strong around Tony was trembling. Every passing moment the light grew dimmer as his sadness spread.

"There’s something else as well…”

His grip around your hand tightened as he prepared for the worst. He was hardly breathing and you had to shake him to stop him from passing out. Tony barely managing to muster a whisper, he nodded for you to continue.

"This is better news, I promise,“ you said gently. "I thought it was a fluke before when I saw it. Or didn’t see it. You probably don’t remember it. It didn’t seem important at the time, it was only when I thought about it later did it mean anything. When you brought me biscuits…”

"You’re rambling, kiddo,“ Tony interrupted.

You decided to just show your uncle instead of trying to explain it. Biting down on the inside of your lip, you lifted your gaze and looked straight at him. "So, yeah… I can look at you.”

Your hands flew to your eyes, quickly blocking out the world. Tony was shaking your shoulders, his worry palpable, but he dialled it back when you told him, “It’s fine. I’m alright.”

"Y/N… How is this possible? Does this mean you’ve got your powers under control?“

"God, no!” you exclaimed, rubbing your temples as the thudding pain faded away. “I don’t know what it means. Just that, for a few seconds, I don’t die when I look at you. And if that’s possible… Then I know that you can come up with a solution.”

"But how?“ Tony asked, sounding more excited than a child at Christmas. For a brief moment, it helped you to forget that you were dying. His thoughts were practically whizzing around the room as he processed this new information, trying to find a way to use it to influence his research.

"Honestly, I’ve no idea. Loki thinks it must be because you’re family but that doesn’t explain why it’s only a recent development.” You caught sight of Tony’s raised eyebrow and you followed his gaze to where the god sat sleeping in the corner of the room. “Please don’t go there…”

You had to jump on your uncle to stop him from waking Loki. Tackling him to the ground, amazed that the noise itself hadn’t caused the god to stir, you struggled as he flipped you over and pinned you to the ground. Tapping out, Tony sat back and gave you what was supposed to be his stern “responsible adult” look. “Why is he in your room?”

Holding back a sigh, you explained, “Nothing like that has happened. He just keeps me company. I can look upon his illusions without any risk.”

"That doesn’t explain why he’s here now.“

You cast a gaze in Loki’s direction and, for the first time in three days, considered the possibility that he wasn’t an illusion. Curiosity burning through your veins, you grabbed a book from the floor and threw it at the god.

You were almost relieved when the illusion vanished. You weren’t convinced that your uncle would have taken kindly to Loki being there, even though that was a conversation you’d have loved to overhear. "See? He’s only ever here in spirit so stop pretending to be the protective dad, okay?”

He held his hands up before drawing you into a hug. “I’m only looking out for you, kiddo. I just want to keep you safe.”

"You are.“

With a promise to go and visit him in the lab later - on the condition that he fixed your door - you pushed your uncle out you room, letting out a deep breath when you were alone. For the first time in days, the heavy weight on your chest was gone and you could breathe easily. Telling Tony had definitely been the right decision, and you regretted not doing it earlier.

Sat back down in front of your computer screens, you let out a scream as a sharp pain spread across your skull. You went to turn around to face the culprit but a pair of arms wrapped themselves around your shoulders and locked you in place.

"Loki?” you whispered.

"In the flesh,“ he said, his lips brushing the growing bump on your head.

You leant back against him, quite comfortable in this strange embrace. You watched curiously as green ribbons of light twisted around your arms. The bright bands had no real substance to them but still managed to feel like sand slipping through your fingers.

Twirling the light around in your hand, you asked, "Why are you here?”

Expecting some sarcastic retort, you were surprised - and somewhat confused - when he answered, “You woke me up. You threw a book at my head, remember?”

"That is no excuse for you to throw one at me! And that was only an illusion though…“

"I still felt it.” He loosened his hold on you ever so slightly but not enough to suggest that he was actually offended by the action. “At least you can tell the difference. Makes you smarter than my brother, if nothing else. Oh, go on. I know you’re dying to ask.”

"The last three days… Were you always here as an illusion?“

"You know the answer to that already or you wouldn’t be asking.” With a sigh, he continued, “I heard you crying and the door was open. You needed a friend to stop you from doing something you’d regret so I stayed with you until you fell asleep.”

You linked your fingers through his, watching as the blue-green ribbons of light swirled excitedly around your hands. Bringing Loki’s hand to your lips, you placed a gentle kiss on his knuckles and said, “Thank you. Not just for that. For coming back after to check on me and keeping me sane.”

"That’s not the first word that comes to mind when I think of you, Y/N.“

"Oh, shut up,” you said, breaking out of his hold. It was hard to keep your gaze on the computer screens when you knew Loki was so close by. You’d gotten so used to being able to meet his eyes that it felt strange to have to look away now. Even though you couldn’t see him, you didn’t want him to leave yet. You weren’t quite ready to lose the actual physical contact.

Conscious of the fact that if you stayed silent for much longer that he’d leave, you asked, “Would you stay a little while?”

Loki agreed without a moment’s hesitation but then realised the danger of such a situation and began to reconsider his response. “Perhaps… Perhaps it may be safer if I conjure another illusion.”

"Please don’t.“ Keeping your eyes down for a different reason now, you picked at your nail polish as you said, "I know it’s a risk but I like having you here. Properly here.”

The god pulled you into his arms and practically threw you onto the bed, laughing at your surprise. He sat himself behind you and started playing with your hair. He’d wanted to touch it for a long time but had always repressed the urge, fearing how you’d respond. However, as you relaxed and tilted your head backward, Loki knew he didn’t need to worry.

You were surprised how gently he ran his fingers through your hair, brushing out the knots until it was perfectly smooth. He tugged on the strands, humming as he braided them into a stunning creation. All the time, you could feel his chest on your back, his legs brushing against the outside of yours as you sat comfortably together.

When he was finally done, Loki leant back in admiration, a smile on his face. You checked it in the mirror and were astounded by the results. You’d never seen anything quite like it before. “Oh, Loki, it’s beautiful.”

"Fit for the Asgardian court,“ he said, tucking a loose piece of hair behind you ear.

"When did you learn how to do this?” you asked. After all, it hardly seemed a useful skill for a prince to learn.

Loki smirked and it felt like he was letting you in on a dark secret. As it turned out, he pretty much was. “As a child, Thor was jealous of all the court maidens’ hair but was too embarrassed to ask them about it. So, I asked instead.”

The thought of the kid brothers made you smile. It also made you desperate to ask, “Can I do yours? Please?”

"I don’t plait my hair.“ Loki’s hard glare softened at the sight of your pout and he let out a deep, deep sigh. Without a word, he shuffled around so you had access to his hair and resigned himself to his fate.


	6. Chapter 6

"I’d rather not,“ you told Tony, brushing the loose strands of hair from your face as you slipped on today’s pair of glasses. You and your uncle had been at this for weeks now, hiding away together in the lab as you worked on his design. Despite the fact you’d been living off of cold leftovers and had more coffee in your veins than blood, the last month or so had been one of the greatest of your life.

Day by day you slowly seemed to be getting nearer to a working, long term solution to control your powers. After huge amounts of trial and error, you’d found that you could hold your uncle’s gaze for exactly 5 seconds before the usual side effects of seeing souls began to appear.

On a good day, with his glasses you could now an extra few seconds but not much more. Blacking out had become such a daily constant that Tony had replaced the floor around the work stations with some strange, bouncy material to make your falls less painful.

"It’d be nice for you to let them know you,” he replied. “It’s a mixed bag we’ve got here, Y/N. You don’t need to feel isolated anymore and everyone wants to know you better. I’m sure that it would be better company than an illusion of Loki…”

"Actually, I…“ You held your tongue, not yet ready to tell your uncle that Loki had been visiting you in person more frequently recently. You were always careful never to meet the god’s eyes but you’d gotten quite used to just being beside him. Sometimes you’d watch films together in silence, others he would sit and plait your hair while you read to him.

You sighed, shaking your head. "I don’t know how to be social, Tony. I hate it. I always have done, ever since I was a kid. All this,” you waved your hands around your head, trying to emphasise the point. “This gave me a reason to step away. And anyway, I don’t feel isolated. I prefer being alone.”

"I’ve loved all this quality time with you too,“ Tony muttered. When he saw your face, he rested his hand on yours and said, "Hey, I was joking. It’s alright if you don’t want to join us. Maybe you could just spend a little time with them one on one.”

You couldn’t shake your head hard enough. “No, no, no… That’ll only go badly. You don’t understand. It’s easy for you.”

"Not as easy as you’d think,“ he muttered.

It was obvious by the way Tony’s face fell that he really wanted you to get to know the other Avengers. To feel a part of his big, strange, messed up family. After all the effort he’d put into trying to give you a normal life, you felt obliged to agree. "Maybe… Maybe I could try. If you want.”

"Only if you want to,“ Tony said, although it was clear how happy the idea made him. "Just start by having a conversation with one of the guys when you go upstairs for breakfast.”

The test went just as well as the others. When you woke, you were surprised to find yourself sprawled across one of the large sofas in the common room. So surprised, in fact, that you rolled over off the cushions and hit your head on the coffee table. You swore as sat up, groaning quietly.

"Language!“ A voice called from the kitchen.

"Really, Captain?” you sighed. However, you soon burst into hysterics when Loki walked in carrying a plate of pancakes. Not content with simply impersonating Steve’s voice, the god began strutting around the room, throwing the tray around and barely catching it after the most amazing tricks.

You hid your face in your hands, unable to watch anymore. Loki sat down beside you, wrapping his arms around your body. It was so easy to get lost in those moments when you rested your head against the god’s shoulder. Nothing mattered that much when he was close by, protecting you from the world.

"Why do you do that?“ Loki asked, watching curiously as you twirled your hand around in the air. He laced his fingers through yours and smirked as you pulled them free. "What can you see?”

"It’s nothing,“ you insisted, unable to stop yourself from wrapping the green ribbons all the way up your arm. Your skin shimmered where the bands touched your flesh, leaving a burning, tingly feeling as they shattered into a million tiny droplets of light. "Did you know, I have no idea what my soul looks like. I can see the life shining around every other living being but around myself…”

"Do you wish you could?“

Biting your upper lip, you shrugged even though it infuriated you. Loki seemed to realise this and placed a kiss on the top of your head. It was something he’d started doing more and more, not that you ever complained. The god absentmindedly began drawing patterns on the back of your hand, sending shivers up your spine.

You closed your eyes, breathing deeply as he traced a scar across your knuckles. His voice low, his asked, "What happened here?”

"Hmm,“ you mumbled, thinking fondly back to that day. "I was messing around in Tony’s lab a few years ago and, long story short, his suits don’t like me. Got quite a few scars that day.”

Loki practically leapt across the room, hearing the lift approaching long before you. He shot you a grin as he swiped another pancake and made himself comfy by the window, not even acknowledging the others as they entered.

You looked over your shoulder, briefly making eye contact with your uncle. By his side was the real Captain America, followed by a small group of people carrying folders filled with paper work. Tony elbowed Steve and looked in your direction.

Steve walked cautiously to where you sat and took a seat on the other side of the table. You didn’t look up, instead focusing on his shoes, but were still able to make out the distinct light around him. This was the first real time that you’d been close enough to truly see his soul and you had to hold back a laugh at what you saw.

Almost poetically, his soul manifested as a shimmer of red, white and blue. It hung over him like a thick mist, his own little bubble of courage, belief and honesty. There was such an intensity to it that it felt like an invisible wall pressing against you.

Taking a few shallow breaths, you nodded in his direction. From the kitchen, you caught Tony’s gaze and sighed. He wasn’t going to let you get out of this without at least saying something to Steve. Ripping apart a pancake for something to focus on, you said, “So, um, well done for getting Tony out the lab.”

"No big deal, really. He was almost easy to convince to come up for breakfast today. It’s good to see you out of the labs too, Y/N,“ Steve said, already on his third pancake.

"Mmmhmm,” you mumbled, feeling slightly light headed. Something wasn’t right but you couldn’t put your finger on it. The palm of your hand was prickling as if a hundred tiny pins were piercing your skin. You pushed the feeling away, putting it down to the nerves of having to socialise whilst knowing that your uncle watched on, judging your ‘progress’. “So, what are you doing today?”

Steve went for another pancake but stopped himself, realising that he’d eaten over half the stack. “Once Stark’s had me sign all that paperwork, it’s down to the gym for a quick workout and then Natasha and I are off on a mission.”

"Be safe,“ you said automatically. Whilst you didn’t know the Avengers all that well, you never wanted the day to come where one didn’t make it back.

"We always are,” he reassured you. “What about you, Y/N? What are you doing today?”

You barely heard his question, your focus diverted by the growing force at the back of your head. The pressure suddenly exploded and the world went grey. It was like burning, colourless fireworks going off behind your eyes, threatening to rip their way through your skull.

The cold prickling on the back of your hand now felt a thousand times worse and you wished you were able to simply cut your hands off to stop the pain. The weight on your chest was now overwhelming and taking even the shortest of breaths was all but impossible. This was a darkness you’d never experienced before, a shadow out of which you never thought you’d escape.

When all hope seemed lost, the sunshine yellow warmth of Tony’s soul pulled you back from the brink of darkness. His voice echoed in your ears, dragging you back towards him. “Y/N, kiddo, it’s alright. I’m right here. Hey, come on, sweetie.”

"What can I do?“ Steve asked, his words seeming even more distant than Tony’s.

"Back off, Rogers,” Tony hissed, stroking your head as you curled up into a tight ball. “She clearly doesn’t want you here. Back. Off. Loki, here. Now.”

The world was starting to come back to you, the twisting green and yellow lights pulling you away from the despair. Your throat so sore that you could barely make a sound. Two sets of hands rubbed your back, holding you tightly until you stopped shaking.

"Tony…“ you whispered, your voice squeaking.

"Hey, hey, I’m right here. Everything is going to be alright. I promise.”

Under Tony’s orders, Loki lifted you into his arms and carried you down to the lab. He lay you down and went to leave but froze when you grabbed his hand. “Don’t go,” you mumbled, your words barely audible.

Sometime later, Tony crouched down in front of you and brushed the hair from your damp cheeks. He offered you a welcome mug of hot chocolate and one of his famously badly hidden biscuits. “What happened?”

You shook your head, unable to answer that question. “I don’t know. I thought I was going to die.”

"Did you look into his eyes? Y/N, did you look into his eyes?“

"No!” you shouted, immediately regretting the outburst. “No, I didn’t. It came out of nowhere. It was so strong. I thought I could handle it, being around the Avengers, but their souls are so intense. I can’t… Tony, please don’t make me…”

"We will get you through this, Y/N. I won’t stop until you’re safe.“ Tony turned to Loki, who had been hovering around the edge of the lab for the past hour or so, and said, "Take her back upstairs. Don’t let anyone go near her and under no circumstances leave her alone.”

As Loki scooped you up in his arms, Tony planted a kiss on your forehead and promised no harm would come to you - even going so far as to send one of his suits up with you to guard the door. Back in the comfort of your room, the god sat you down and grabbed a pad of paper from your desk.

He kept his distance from you but remained close enough that you were within arm’s reach should you want anything. The last thing he wanted to do was get too close and inadvertently cause you another breakdown. Handing over some pens he told you, “Draw something. Draw me.”

"I just want to sleep, Loki.“

"No, you don’t. You feel like you don’t ever want to be alone with your thoughts again. You don’t need to look so surprised,” he smiled, recognising the look of astonishment on your face. “Not everyone needs super powers to read the ones they care about. Now, come on. Draw me.”

Sensing this was an argument you’d never win, you set about drawing Loki. To start, you stole glances at his face to try and draw a life like representation but you felt your gaze lingering longer each time. So, instead, you focused on sketching his soul - something you now knew incredibly well. As your picture began to form, the memory of the darkness started to fade and you knew things would be alright.


	7. Chapter 7

What was so special about birthdays? All they meant was that you’d made another trip around the sun and were a year closer to dying. That hardly seemed to warrant a celebration.

Of course, your hatred of birthdays probably came from the fact that you’d never been able to celebrate one properly without ended up in hospital. As such, you’d learnt early on in life that parties were to be avoided (unless you could hide away in a corner) since people never responded well to not being looked in the eye after giving you a present.

So, unsurprisingly, when you woke to see that dreaded date on your calendar, the urge lock yourself in the bathroom and wait out the day was pretty strong.

"Good morning, miss.“ JARVIS’s metallic voice filled your room beginning your day like any other rather than making a deal out of your birthday. "Mr Stark has asked that you visit him in the lab as soon as you are dressed.”

You thanked him for the message, throwing on a pair of old jeans and an oversized shirt that you’d stolen from your uncle years ago. Every time he saw you wearing it he eyed it curiously but had never - as of yet, anyway - accused you of stealing it.

Ten minutes later, you stepped into the brightly lit lab. Tony was sat surrounded by multiple screens and an astonishing collection of half empty coffee mugs. You coughed, announcing your presence, and said, “JARVIS told me you wanted to see me. What do you want?”

"Morning to you too…“ Tony grumbled, but there was no harshness in his voice. He patted the stool beside him, not taking his eyes off the screens. "Ass on chair. And don’t roll your eyes at me. Respect your elders.”

"How much caffeine have you had?“ you asked, plonking yourself down onto the stool.

"Too much,” he grinned. He reached out towards his current cup of coffee and pouted when you held your hand over the mug. “Spoil sport. Hey. Y/N. Look at me.”

With only a moment’s hesitation, you looked up at your uncle who returned your gaze with a grin. Five carefully counted seconds later, Tony shoved a hand up in front of your face and turned your head away. “That’s enough of your ugly mug for one day.”

"You really have had too much caffeine,“ you laughed, taking a sip of his coffee yourself. It tasted weird and you wondered just what else he’d slipped in there. He handed you a new pair of glasses, which you dutifully put on. "I like these ones. The frames are pretty. Let’s hope they’re the lucky ones. ”

Tony nodded in agreement as he finished making the last few changes to the code. After working through the usual checks and procedures, he said, “They suit you, kiddo. JARVIS, start running the scans. Are you ready?”

"Let’s do it.“

You swung your legs back around to face your uncle and looked on, waiting for the bright flash of light that you’d come to expect from these experiments. However, nothing happened. Seconds turned into minutes which grew to be extremely uncomfortable - staring someone in the eyes for that long, even family, was just a bit odd - but it soon became clear that nothing would happen at all.

Normally that would be seen as an underwhelming results by any engineer’s standards but Tony was overjoyed. He leapt out of his chair with a cheer and did some sort of strange, caffeine induced dance that you wished you’d filmed for use as blackmail at a later date.

Wrapping you in a tight hug, he lifted you off the stool and spun you around. By this point, you too were ecstatic and could hardly contain your happiness. He’d done it! Tony had finally found a way to block out souls!

The rest of the day went by in a blur. JARVIS ran hundred of scans on both you and the glasses to search for any signs of ill effects but could find nothing. Tony even cried when the AI congratulated him on the success.

The Avengers drifted in and out of the labs, finding all manner of terrible excuse (ranging from Bruce’s I left my pen on the table to Natasha’s I thought I heard an intruder) to come down and see the results for themselves. You kept your gaze low with each encounter but made sure to catch everyone’s eyes on their way out.

Before you knew it, the evening had come and you realised just how hungry you were. Wrapping your arms around him from behind, you told him, "Tony, I’m gonna grab something to eat and then head to bed. Thank you for the best birthday ever.”

Tony wiggled out of your hug and spun his chair around so hard that he twisted around two and a half times before ending up facing you. “Wait, what?”

"It’s okay if you forgot. I know we’ve been working on this nonstop for weeks and the days have kind of merged into each other.“

"No! I mean, of course I didn’t forget… You just can’t go to bed yet…”

Your eyes widened as you realised what he was saying. “If there’s a party waiting for me upstairs, Tony, I will kill you. I’ll take that pen and cut your throat open with it.”

"Someone’s been spending too much time around Loki…“ He said, holding up his hands in front of his face - more to hide his smirk than in any attempt at self defence. "It’s not a party. I just ordered in some Chinese and the others have a few gifts for you.”

"Where’s my gift from you, huh?“ you asked, relaxing now that you knew you weren’t going to be ambushed by hundreds of people jumping out from the dark at you.

"Excuse me. Who has spent the past six months working tirelessly to make find a way to control their amazing niece’s superpowers? And who succeeded?” He gave you a stern look and said, “I think that’s present enough, don’t you?”

It turned out that Tony had ordered Chinese all the way from actual China - because his philosophy was definitely if you can do it, why not over do it - and it ended up being the best take out you had ever had. Conversation flowed easily between the Avengers and, whilst they continually tried to bring you into the discussions, you were quite content to sit back and watch.

Tony soon announced it was time for gifts, recognising that you were becoming restless. He understood that this was difficult for you, especially since you’d not really socialised like this at any point during your adult life.

One by one the Avengers handed you their gifts and watched in anticipation as you opened them. Natasha was first and, much to Tony’s disdain, she gave you a beautiful pocket dagger and promised to help you train with it.

Clint - who only ever acknowledged you by a brief nod when you passed each other around the Tower - had picked out a horrendously over priced makeup palette that you’d been wanting for months, despite never telling anyone.

Next was Steve who gave you a small book full to the brim with amazing sketches he’d done whilst out on missions. He’d pretty much avoided you since the last time you’d spoken - and ended up screaming on the floor - so the fact he gave you anything touched your heart.

Bruce admitted that he hadn’t been sure what to get you but had picked out a simply stunning bracelet that you swore never to take off.

You almost refused to accept Thor’s gift; it seemed far too grand. He’d brought the most spectacular dress, created for you by the palace tailors back in Asgard. So many layers of a silk-like fabric that you thought fit only for a princess (which he assured you, in all seriousness, that you were).

Tony pulled out a small box and couldn’t help but laugh at your expression; you really had believed him back in the lab when he’d told you that he hadn’t gotten you anything. Inside the box was what looked like a small compact mirror. You looked over at your uncle curiously. His response was to just tap the side of his nose and you couldn’t wait to find out what was in it.

That left Loki. He had spent the entire evening on the other side of the room to you, barely ever meeting your gaze. You wished that you’d been able to spend the evening in his arms but understood his distance; no-one other than Tony knew that you’d spent the past six months getting to know each other. To all intents and purposes, the Avengers thought you and the god were still basically strangers and you weren’t quite ready to dispel that idea yet.

Everyone was staring at him expectantly, waiting for him to present you with your gift. He looked around the room and shrugged. “No one told me that I had to get a gift. I thought it was optional.”

"And you chose not to get her something?“ Natasha hissed, shooting him her darkest glare.

"Obviously.”

Thor rose to his feet and towered over Loki, the air in the room becoming charged with electricity. You swore you could see clouds forming in the sky outside. “Brother, apologise to Lady Y/N immediately. She is a fine young woman and deserves your respect.”

"It’s fine,“ you said, desperate for the evening not to end in a fight. Refusing to look at the god, you gathered all your gifts in your arms and headed for the door but not before thanking everyone again. "This really has been one of the best days of my life.”

When you got back to your room, you placed your pile of gifts onto your mini sofa and turned to collapse onto your bed only to see Loki sat cross legged in the centre. He wore a lazy grin that only intensified at the sight of you scowling. “You didn’t honestly believe I care for you so little?”

Unsure whether to follow the urge to slap him or not, you perched on the edge of the bed and waited for him to pull the gift from behind his back. As you unwrapped the box, Loki rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. “I’m sorry if you don’t like it. I’ve never been good at things like this.”

"Oh, Loki,“ you sighed, looking down at the small plush tiger in your hands. The fur was so soft that you couldn’t help but stroke it and you had a strange urge to rub it against your face. He started to apologise again but you silenced his words by dragging him into a hug. "I love it. Thank you.”

When you finally pulled away, you were surprised to feel his arms around your waist, keeping you close to him. He leant forward, his forehead touching yours, and murmured, “Happy birthday, Y/N. Sleep well.”

"Loki…“ you breathed, holding his arm to stop him from leaving. The words you had meant to say died on your lips as you looked into his eyes, finding them even greener than those on his illusions. As realistic as his illusions were, you noticed many little details that he missed; the small things that made him all the more attractive.

The god bent down and brushed his lips against yours, a touch so brief that you could almost have imagined it. "Good night, darling.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Don’t forget your glasses, miss,” JARVIS told you, as you struggled to open the door. It was almost comical the way that the AI looked out for you. He never unlocked the magnetic seal on your door until he knew you were wearing the glasses that Tony had made for you. You’d yet to work out whether your uncle had told JARVIS to lock you in until you were “safe” to leave or the AI chose to do so on his own but you appreciated the gesture either way.

"Thank you!“ you called, as the door finally clicked open. You started off towards the kitchen but stopped when you heard voices. Just because it was safe for you to be around the Avengers now didn’t mean you always wanted to be. "JARVIS, is Loki around?”

There was a moment’s pause as he scanned the building, trying to locate him. “He’s in his room, miss.”

You turned on your heels to head that way when you realised a rather major hurdle in your plan. “Um, JARVIS, where is Loki’s room?”

Thanking the AI for his extremely thorough directions, you gently knocked on the god’s door. You could hear grumbling on the other side of the wall and wondered if you’d woken Loki up. Immediately feeling terrible for interrupting his sleep, knowing full well just how little he actually got, you started walking back down the corridor.

"Y/N?“ Loki asked sleepily, poking his head around the door. "Are you okay?”

"Um, yeah, I’m fine,“ you said, unable to take your eyes off his bare chest. Mentally slapping yourself, you lifted your gaze and instead focused on his ruffled hair. Unfortunately, that was taking your mind to the same places as his chest so you quickly decided the floor was the safest place to look. "Don’t worry, go back to sleep.”

"Come on,“ he said, grabbing your arm and practically dragging you into his room. Just as your eyes adjusted to the darkness, he switched on the main lights with a blinding flash. Your heart rate suddenly increased and, if not for him noticing you sway and running over to catch you, you’d have hit the floor with quite a thud.

Loki sat you down on the edge of his bed and knelt in front of you. "Do you need anything?”

You shook your head, looking straight ahead and counting your heart beats until they began to slow. “I’m fine.”

"You don’t look fine. You’ve gone very pale. Do you want me to call Bruce or Tony?“

"No! No… It’s alright. I’ve got it under control.”

Even though he clearly didn’t believe you, Loki agreed not to call for help. He took your hands in his and asked, “What just happened? Is this a side effect of the glasses?”

Lying to him seemed pointless since he’d get the truth out of you eventually anyway, so you tried to explain. Ever since that incident with Steve in the kitchen, you’d struggled with the distinction between light and dark. You didn’t understand why, just that it triggered a part of your brain that sent the rest of your mind and body into panic. You’d been feeling low levels of anxiety for weeks but, while that was easy enough to ignore for the most part, any sudden change in your environment was causing far worse effects.

Loki ran a hand through his hair as he tried to process this. “You should really let Tony know, Y/N.”

"He doesn’t need to know. I can work through this on my own.“ With as stable a smile as you could manage, you said, "I’ll be alright. I’ve been dealing with anxiety for years now.”

Sensing that that was the end of that conversation, Loki leant back on his heels and asked, “So, why did you come to visit me, anyway? You’ve never bothered me before.”

You grabbed the nearest pillow you could and whacked him around the head with it. Squealing when he ripped it from your hands and knocked you over with it, you giggled, “I’m so sorry to be an inconvenience to you! I wanted to know if you, maybe, you know, wanted to go for a walk. With me. You said a while back that we could… I just thought that it’s a nice day and I’ve not…”

Loki silenced your ramblings by placing a finger to his lips. His eyes crinkled up in a smirk as your words died away. “I’d love nothing better. Let me grab a shirt first, though. I’ve been told that walking around Midgard like this would cause quite a spectacle.”

"You’re telling me,“ you mumbled, resisting the urge to touch his chest as he rose. His reflection shot you a curious glance that made your cheeks flush. "I just mean that normal people don’t walk around with their chest on show. Not that most normal people look like you. If they did, I’m sure everyone would go around shirtless. I don’t think anyone would complain either… I’m just going to shut up now.”

Minutes later you were strolling out the front door of the Tower, for the first time not overcome with dread. You’d forgotten how busy cities were during the day, only ever going out at night when there was no one around. All the noise, all the bustling of bodies was almost enough to set your mind on fire.

Sensing you tense up beside him, Loki linked his fingers through yours and whispered, “We can do something else if this is too much.”

"Come on,“ you said, marching off down the street. Despite never actually having been to the park, you’d looked down on the city enough to have some idea of the street plan. You reached a cross roads and stepped out into the road without looking, straight into the path of a speeding car.

Loki wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you out of the road just in time. "Careful, darling. I don’t think your uncle would be too impressed if I let you get hit and you broke those glasses.”

"Shut up or I’ll push you in front of the next one,“ you said, elbowing him in the stomach. He placed a kiss on your neck, holding you tightly. Rolling your eyes, you turned your head back and muttered, "That’s distracting.”

"Maybe that’s the plan.“

When you finally reached the park, you surprised Loki when you jumped up onto the bench and used it as a step up to the tree above it. You couldn’t explain what possessed you but the allure of the branches was too hard to ignore.

While you clung on to the branches for dear life, Loki moved between them with beautiful precision. He found a comfortable spot and pulled you up by the collar of your jacket until you were both somewhat precariously perched in the tree.

You leant forward, elbow on your knees, as you watched the people walk by. It wasn’t long before Loki got bored sitting in silence so, like you would for a child, you came up with a game to keep him entertained. For every person that passed, you tried to guess who their favourite Avenger would be.

Unfortunately, you hadn’t quite realised how competitive Loki could be. You’d pointed out a woman dressed all in black, her hair bright red and heading past your tree like she was on a mission. "What about her? Definitely Iron Man.”

"Obviously, she’s a Widow fan. She looks exactly like Romanov.“

"Just because they look similar doesn’t mean she’d prefer Nat over Tony,” you pointed out. You couldn’t say what it was about the woman but you were certain that you were right - and, more importantly, the god was wrong. “Loki? Loki, what are you doing?”

He was half way down the tree before he looked up and answered, “I’m going to ask her, of course.”

"Don’t you dare! Loki! Get back here right this instant!“ you shouted, leaning down to try and stop him from jumping the poor woman. He was, unsurprisingly, far too quick and nimble to catch. By the time you’d safely manoeuvred yourself out of the branches, he’d stepped out in to the path of the woman and was already accosting her. You pushed him aside and apologised, "I’m so sorry. Please, ignore him…”

"It’s fine,“ she grinned. "What did your, uh, friend want to ask?”

Her smirk infectious, you smiled as you looked over at Loki, who in turn was watching the two of you curiously. “We were just wondering who your favourite Avenger was.”

"Oh, that’s easy! Obviously it’s Iron Man. Anyway, I’ve gotta run.“ She started jogging off down the path, but not before looking over her shoulder and shouting, "Love your glasses, by the way!”

Loki scowled nonstop as you made your way back to the Tower, refusing to answer any of your questions. You found yourself wishing to see his soul; it would make it so much easier to work out what he was thinking. Sadly, you weren’t convinced that Tony would deem this a necessary use of your powers. Curiosity wasn’t worth dying for.

"It was only a game, Loki,“ you said as the lift doors closed. "Surely you can’t be that upset over losing a silly bet?”

"How did you know?“ he asked. He rested his hands on the wall either side of your head, trapping you in his arms. As you gulped nervously, he prompted, "Come on. You said it yourself, it was only a game. How did you know she’d pick Iron Man?”

You tried to duck out away from him but Loki grabbed you by the arm and spun you against his chest. Despite the menacing note to his voice - which you actually found incredibly sexy - you knew he wasn’t really angry but, even though he was only messing around, he wouldn’t let you go until he got his answer.

"I wasn’t sure until I talked to her,“ you admitted. "I met Kayla at a group therapy session and we bonded over the fact I knew Iron Man. I’ve not seen in her for years, though.”

"So, you cheated?“

"I wouldn’t call it that…”

"You cheated,“ Loki insisted, leaning even closer to you. He suddenly broke into a smile and told you, "Darling, I’m impressed.”

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you stretched up on your tip toes to peck a kiss on his mouth. Not releasing your hold, you breathed, “I love when you call me that.”

Loki went to pull you into another kiss but jumped away when he heard JARVIS’s voice. Even after years of living in the Tower, he still hadn’t quite gotten used to the disembodied voice of the AI. “Miss Y/N, you’re wanted in the lab.”

"Of course I am. When am I ever not?“ you sighed, tilting your head back against the wall. Brushing your lips against his, you pushed Loki into the hallway and gave him a little wave as the doors closed.

Stepping into the lab, you walked up to Tony and whacked him around the head. "I hate you.”

"I’m just protecting your honour,“ he said, leaning back in his chair and rubbing the back of his head dramatically. "You’re so vicious. Did you have fun?”

You pulled up a stool and told him everything about your morning. Sitting in the tree. Watching the people go by without being scared to look at them. Noticing things you’d never seen before. “Has the sky always been so blue?”

"He wouldn’t know. He never leaves this lab,“ Bruce pointed out, poking his head out from around one of the benches on the other side of the room. He’d been working so quietly that you hadn’t even noticed he was around, a thought that startled you. You’d always been able to feel him nearby, his soul was so unlike anyone else’s that you could pick it out a mile away.

"No one likes a smart arse, Banner,” Tony quipped back, throwing a pen across the lab at him. Ignoring Bruce’s snarky comments, Tony answered you, “So with all the souls blinding your view, did you really never noticed the sky before, then?”

"Obviously I knew it was blue. I just never realised how pretty it was. How pretty everything could be.“

"Welcome to the new world, kiddo. You’re going to love it.”


	9. Chapter 9

One of the best parts of the week was definitely take out night. Tony would order in the most incredible food and he’d always order so much that there would be enough food in the fridge to feed the entire group for a days. Tonight, you’d been blessed with pizza but you just weren’t in the mood to sit around and chat to everyone.

You showed your face long enough to grab a few slices then, much to the disappointment of the others, made a hasty retreat. However, you didn’t head to your room. Instead, you made your way up one of the service staircases. Tony knew you used these back routes so had started extending JARVIS’s scanners to cover the space but you kept finding new spots to hide in.

You’d also started learning how to disable the existing scanners to make new hiding holes too, although you definitely weren’t going to tell your uncle that. Whilst he’d be impressed that you were hacking his systems, Tony wouldn’t be happy that you were putting yourself into a situation where, should something bad happen, you’d have no way to call for help.

Still, the thought of your uncle’s disapproving glare hadn’t stopped you yet.

Carefully carrying your plate of pizza up the stairs, you soon reached a little hidden balcony that overlooked the common room. From here you could look down on the Avengers and enjoy the conversation without feeling bad about saying nothing.

The evening progressed pretty uneventfully. Steve and Tony argued over the last slice of pizza like usual. Thor and Loki sat in the corner chatting away about old times while Natasha and Clint threw knives at the wall in an attempt to determine who had the best aim (it turned out neither, since Loki managed to beat them both without even turning to face the target). Bruce simply sat back to watch the madness like an amused parent keeping an eye on their kids.

Somewhat curiously, Clint was the first to get up and leave. Usually he stuck around well into the night so you wondered what was important enough to get him to go first. No one else in the group thought it strange behaviour, though, and they just waved him off with a few good night calls.

By this point, your eyes were starting to get tired so you took off your glasses and leant back against the concrete wall. The scene below you suddenly changed as the shimmers of your friends’ souls began to appear around them. You couldn’t explain the emotion but it was like welcoming back an old friend.

You’d forgotten how much you’d relied on these manifestations before. The way the lights interacted with each other told you so much more about how close people could be; there was such love in the group for one another, it was stunning. Watching the colours mix, swirling around and following the pace of the conversation, you realised how much you were missing.

"I’m surprised you managed to find this place,“ a voice said, pulling your mind away from the abstract beauty below. "Can I join you?”

You swung your head around and saw Clint poking his head around the corner. Your initial reaction was to send him away but, seeing as he’d climbed through a few rather tight spaces to find you here, you decided to let him stay.

He crawled in to the small balcony, handing over two large cushions and a blanket. “Figured you’d be getting uncomfortable cooped up here, so I came bearing gifts.”

"Thanks, Clint,“ you muttered, opening the tub of ice cream that he’d also managed to carry up to you. You almost looked over to him before remembering that you’d taken your glasses off, and you weren’t quite ready to put them back on yet.

Instead you just watched the light of his soul out of the corner of your eye. It was an unusual combination of orange and indigo, each vying for dominance. Of course, both represented admirable traits and you let them fill the small space, providing a gentle, content hum to the air.

"You could have joined us for dinner, you know. We all love having you around. It’s so great to see you up and about. Nat says it’s like you’ve had a new lease of life since Tony perfected those glasses.”

"I want to spend time with you all, honestly, but I’m much more of an observer. It’s easier for me to sit back and let conversation flow over me.“ You let out a sigh, knowing that you weren’t articulating your point as well as you’d hoped. "I’m just not used to being a part of a group. I feel rude sitting in silence and just listening.”

Clint shook his head, resting a hand on your knee. “If you ever feel uncomfortable, you should let us know, Y/N. We just want you to feel part of the family. It’s okay to sit in silence. Banner does it all the time and we’ve not thrown him out yet.”

"I know. And I do feel like part of the family.“ The orange swirls around Clint lit up at your admission and practically danced around you in joy. It made you smile until you remembered that this was the beauty that you were sacrificing in order to live a normal life.

"Do you want to talk about it?” Clint asked, pretending to be fully focused on his own pot of ice cream as he actually watched your face drop.

You realised he had no idea why you were up here but wanted to help in whatever way he could. In all honesty, he already had, just by turning up with these small comforts. Even though you didn’t want to trouble him with your inner thoughts, you found yourself doing just that. “I never thought I would but I miss seeing the souls.”

"That’s a pretty reasonable response, Y/N. You’ve spent most of your life with this extra sense and now you’re living without. It isn’t easy to lose something you rely on. I understand how you’re feeling.“

"It’s easier for you. Your hearing aids give you back what you lost. You got that sense back. These glasses save my life but take my gift away. My powers feel like they are just out of my reach, but I know they’re still there. It’s like having something waved in front of you just to be ripped away.”

Cilnt let out a sigh and you realised just how quickly you’d dismissed the hardships he must have been through. You immediately apologised; after all, he’d been nothing but kind to you since you’d arrived at the Tower. “I’m sorry. I know it must have been hard for you.”

"It still can be, at times,“ Clint divulged, taking another spoonful of ice cream. "Yes, they gave me back my hearing but it’s not the same. The world feels distorted. And sometimes, my brain can’t cope with it. All the extra information that it’s no longer hardwired to process hurts.”

"What do you do when it gets too much?“

"I take out my hearing aids and embrace the silence.” Noticing that you’d stopped eating your ice cream, Clint reached over and swapped your tubs over. “Here, try this one. It’s much nicer.”

You smiled at the gesture, wondering why you’d never really hung out with Clint before. He was exceptionally perceptive - a trait you admired, being able to inexplicably understand things about you people yourself.

"That’s better,“ he said, kicking your foot when he saw your smile. "I can’t pretend to know anything about your powers, Y/N, but I can say that sometimes you just need to accept the hand you’ve been dealt.”

"What are you trying to say, Clint?“

"You need to use the powers you’ve been given. I don’t mean running around without your glasses on and wantonly putting yourself into dangerous situations but, occasionally, sit back and enjoy the view. Just don’t tell Tony that it was my suggestion if he catches you in the act.”

You nodded, both promising not to put the blame on him but also to take his advice. “How did you know I was up here, Clint? I know for a fact that this spot isn’t covered by JARVIS’s sensors.”

"It’s one of my own hiding places. I saw a shadow up here when I was downstairs eating and figured it had to be you. You’ve managed to get quite a reputation for sneaking around these back staircases.“

You shrugged, trying to hold back the smirk on your face. "Tony always said I had a talent of ending up in places I shouldn’t be.”

"Nothing wrong with that,“ Clint pointed out, swapping the ice cream tubs back again. Stretching out as far as he could in the tight space, pulling the blanket over his own legs, he said, "Can I ask you a question?”

"Sure,“ you replied, not really paying attention. You were watching Thor and Loki joking around in the common room. It was amazing to watch the way their souls interacted. With every taunt, their souls would battle for supremacy around them in the way that you only ever saw in families. For two such damaged souls, there was a lot of love there.

Following your gaze, Clint smiled to himself and muttered, "I think I already have my answer.”

Before the logical part of your brain could stop you, you whipped your head around to face him. Thankfully, Clint was far more alert than you and he shoved a pillow in your face just in time to stop you from making eye contact with him.

Pushing his arm away, you turned back towards the common room and rolled your eyes. “Next time, cover yourself rather than trying to smother me.”

"And hide this beautiful face from the world?“ he chuckled. "So, are you and Loki… You know?”

"God, you’re such a child.“

"I knew it! Tell me everything!”

Your only response was to kick him. Hard. So hard in fact that you were pretty sure everyone in downstairs in the common room heard Clint swear at you. They swung their heads in your direction but no-one other than Natasha realised what they were looking at. You couldn’t see for certain but, judging by the way the crimson ribbons around her rippled with amusement, she just rolled her eyes and continued her conversation with Steve.

Giving Clint a death stare without actually making eye contact - a difficult feat but one you’d perfected after many long years of practise - you hissed, “Secret hiding place, Clint. As in, don’t give away its position by shouting.”

"You’re so vicious,“ he said almost proudly.

"Yeah, I’ve heard. Tony tells me that every time I hit him.” You reached down and grabbed your glasses, slipping them back on and turning to Clint. With a tinge of sadness, you watched as the bright colours around him faded away.

Leaning across the small space, you pulled him into a gingerly hug. “Thanks for the ice cream. And for the advice. I really appreciate it.”

"Any time, Y/N. Whatever you need from us, we’ll always be there for you. You’re part of the family now. You couldn’t get rid of us if you tried.“


	10. Chapter 10

The last few weeks had been unbelievable. You’d spent every waking moment out and about the city. You’d visited every museum, public park and shopping centre within a two mile radius, trying to catch up on everything you’d missed out on during your self-imposed isolation from the world.

Each of the Avengers had taken you to their favourite spots and then spent hours getting to know you, one on one. They’d realised - or had possibly been told by Tony or Clint - that group activities were still a little too much for you so had changed tactics. You were grateful and, much to your own surprise, enjoyed every moment spent with them.

You’d even started looking into enrolling into college, now that you didn’t have to fear being in close contact with your peers. Tony had, of course, pulled a few strings and gotten you a few interviews but you’d done the rest on your own. With offers starting to roll in, things were undoubtedly looking up.

One evening, long after everyone else had gone to sleep - yes, even Tony had crawled out the lab into his bed - you decided, in your insomniac state, to take a walk around the Tower. It was surprisingly calming, walking around in the dim lighting. You’d left your glasses on your bedside table, knowing you wouldn’t need them, and were just enjoying the peace.

This had actually become a fairly common exercise. Walking through the hallways at night, you could pick up the echoes of souls without actually being at risk of seeing anyone. And Clint had been right; every time you indulged your gift, you did feel better. Whilst you missed being able to touch the ribbons of light, to wrap them around your body like a comfort blanket, it was enough to simply feel the warm hum as you walked by.

You made your way up to the roof and shuffled towards the edge. Taking a deep breath, you lay down on the hard concrete and sighed. On such a clear night, even in the middle of the city, the stars shone brightly. Twinkling remnants of a chaotic universe, forever creating and destroying. It had always made you feel calm, although you’d never understood why.

A cold breeze sent a shiver through your body, making you wish you’d brought more than just a thin dressing gown out with you. You knew you’d have to go back inside soon but the peace held far too strong an appeal.

Sitting yourself up, you pulled a compact from the pocket of your gown. However, it wasn’t just any compact. It was the one that Tony had given you for your birthday. He’d told you - in as mysteriously, over dramatic way that he could - that you had to open it only when you were alone. The past few weeks had been so jam-packed that opening the gift had been the last thing on your mind but tonight you were filled with an insatiable curiosity.

Carefully opening it up, your forehead creased when two small lights started flicking on the rim. Suddenly, there was a bright flash and you burst into hysterics when a miniature hologram of your uncle appeared. The longer you looked at the hologram, the funnier the gift seemed to get. Tony had told you that, when deciding on your present, he’d thought about your favourite thing in the world; clearly he’d come to the conclusion that that was, in fact, him.

"Y/N? You up here?“

"Yeah,” you called back, closing the compact and putting it back in your pocket. “Why are you up? JARVIS told me that you were sound asleep.”

Tony sat down beside you, wrapping his thick blanket around your shoulders. “Clearly I’m not anymore,” he yawned. “What are you doing up?”

"Couldn’t sleep,“ you said simply.

"Why not?”

All you could do was shrug. If you had the answer to that question, you’d most likely be able to resolve the issue. Sadly, that was not the case. “I guess I’m just struggling to shut off my brain. The last few days have been a bit odd, really, and I’m still trying to process them.”

"What’s bothering you?“ Tony asked, pulling the blanket tighter around himself. You’d seen his bed and, when he actually used it, he surrounded himself with multiple blankets, a thick quilt and hundreds of pillows. Sitting up here with just a single sheet of fabric between him and the cool night air had to be hard for him.

You shuffled closer to him, trying to share your own body heat with him. You knew it’d do no good but it felt good to pretend it would. "Wish I knew.”

Holding back another yawn, Tony, as astute as ever, even when half asleep, said, “Is it your powers? Have the glasses stopped working?”

"No, they still work fine. There’s just a little niggling in the back of my mind, a little voice that tells me something isn’t quite right.“ Catching his expression, you added, "Not a real voice. I’m not that crazy.”

"Do you know what’s causing it?“

"Nope. It’s probably just the fact that you’ve had so many people coming and going through the Tower recently. Even when I can’t see souls, I can still feel them. And very few of your business friends are… How can I put it? Morally sound?”

Tony almost choked on his laughter at that description. “What does that feel like?”

"Do you really want me to explain that? Well, I guess it’s like a spiky sort of feeling. You know when you sense danger and the hairs on your arms stand up before you’ve even consciously processed the threat? It’s a bit like that.“

"You get that from every businessman?”

"Not all of them,“ you said, elbowing him gently. The edge of your vision filled with Tony’s characteristically yellow shimmer and you realised with a start that this was the first time you’d seen it since he’d arrived. It still felt warm and inviting, ready to pull you into an embrace, but the mist barely brushed your skin before fading away.

Another cold breeze ruffling your hair, you decided that you had to tell your uncle what was on your mind. Turning to face him, your stomach curling as you watched the yellow glow around him tremble, you admitted, "I think something’s wrong with me. I can’t… My grip on the souls… Tony, I think I’m losing my powers. When I take the glasses off, it’s getting harder and harder to see the souls. The colours are dimmer. The feelings are less intense. I’m scared. I don’t want to lose them.”

A thick silence hung between you as Tony processed this new information. It frustrated you that you were no longer able to tell how he was feeling about it, either. Eventually, though, he took your hands in his and said, “Y/N, have you considered that this might not be a bad thing? Your powers might kill you. Surely being safe means something?”

"I don’t want to be safe!“ you shouted, almost frantically. "I don’t expect you to be able to understand but I love seeing people’s souls. I love that I can learn about a person just by looking at them. How everyone I meet has a different aura to them. I hate the fact that I feel trapped in my own mind now that I’m without that extra information. Nothing about the world is the same without those bright, shining ribbons of light.”

By the end of your outburst you were physically shaking, and not from the cold. Tony pulled you into a tight hug and took you back downstairs to the common room. Somehow knowing that your uncle would ask, JARVIS had switched on the heating and by the time you’d been sat down on the sofa the room was toasty warm.

Tony reappeared a few minutes later, dragging a thick quilt behind him along the floor. From inside the bundle, he pulled out five cushions for you, another five for himself and another blanket. He clocked your bemused expression and grumbled, “Shut up, you. It’s three in the morning, I’m tired and cold. If you don’t want my gifts then you can…”

"I want them,“ you interrupted, reaching down and grabbing the fluffy, oversized pillows he’d brought from his room. Fitting them all onto the sofa was quite a challenge but, watching how Tony arranged his on the adjacent sofa, you soon created the perfect cosy corner. "Thank you.”

Time passed by in a comfortable silence until Tony, who had been drifting in and out of sleep for the past hour, murmured, “Loki came down to the lab the other day. He wouldn’t say why but it was clear that he’s worried about you.”

You wanted to be angry that Loki had gone behind your back to talk to your uncle but couldn’t find it in your heart to do so. It was actually kind of sweet.

Staring at the high ceiling, you said, “It’s alright, Tony. I’m fine.”

"That’s not what I’ve seen. You jump at the smallest sound. You’re always on edge. JARVIS says you refuse to sleep without a light on. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you tensing every time someone turns a lamp off. You can talk to me, sweetie. Please talk to me. Tell me what I can do to help.“

"You can’t help,” you whispered. “I don’t think anyone can.”

That clearly wasn’t the response that Tony had been hoping for. The thing was, no matter how badly he wanted to make things okay for you, he would never push you to talk about something if you weren’t ready to. With a deep sigh of resignation, he said, “I’m always here for you, Y/N. No matter how bad things get, how dark the world seems, I’ll be there to protect you.”

"I know.“ You rolled over so your face was buried in the mound of pillows. They smelt like Tony; his aftershave, his spilt coffee, all those sneaky midnight snacks that he thought no one knew about. "Good night, Tony.”

"Good night, Y/N.“

When you woke a few hours later, breathing heavily after a terrible nightmare, you were relieved to feel Loki beside you. He sat on the floor by your feet, reading another book that he’d stolen from your room. Sensing you were awake, he leant back against your legs and whispered, "Hey.”

"Hey,“ you whispered back, your voice shaking slightly.

Loki picked up on your fear immediately and crawled up on to the sofa, squishing himself onto the cushions and wrapping you in a tight embrace. He didn’t ask what was wrong. He didn’t care. All he knew was that you were in need of comforting and that he would be damned if it wasn’t him that gave it to you.

You pulled him closer, throwing the blanket over him so you could snuggle properly. It was a tight fit with all the pillows too but tangling your legs together stopped either one of you from falling off the edge. You rested your head on his chest and listened to the gentle rhythm of his beating heart.

"I’m scared, Loki,” you said, reiterating what you’d told your uncle earlier.

"I know, darling, but you’re strong. So much stronger than you realise. Whatever happens, I believe that you can make it through. You are brave and beautiful and I love you for it, Y/N.“ Loki placed a kiss on the top of your head and squeezed you tightly. "You will never have to face anything alone. Not while I’m here.”

"Can you say that again?“ you asked, looking up to his gorgeous face.

He reached up to touch your cheek, one hand delicately brushing your skin as the other rested on the small of your back, holding you close. Bringing your faces so close together that your noses touched, Loki whispered, "I love you, Y/N.”

"I love you, too, Loki,“ you breathed softly. The bright green ribbons of Loki’s soul wrapped themselves around you both, tingling with a warmth far more than what you’d come to expect from them. They pulsed with silver light and made you feel more at home than you had for months. This was where you were meant to be.


	11. Chapter 11

"You look dreadful,“ Tony pointed out as you walked into the lab. Eyeing the cup of fresh coffee in your hands, he suddenly seemed to change his mind. "I’m kidding. You look great. Better than ever. Please say that’s for me.”

Without a word, you shoved the mug in his chest before flopping onto the sofa. Your face buried in the cushions, you mumbled, “I feel like crap.”

"My scans show no signs of illness,“ JARVIS piped in, much to your annoyance. The last thing you needed was to be told that this was a figment of your imagination. "Physically, you are in peak condition, miss.”

"Awesome.“ You rolled over onto your back and let your arms hang off the edge of the sofa, slowly drawing circles on the lab floor with your fingertips. Your head felt like it was being crushed and, not from lack of trying, you couldn’t shake the pins and needles in your right leg.

Turning your head towards Tony, watching intently as he tampered with the wires inside his latest suit, you said, "Tell me you’re planning on blowing stuff up today? I need a laugh and this is bound to go wrong.”

"That wasn’t the plan for this morning, actually.“

You could practically hear the machines around the lab sigh in relief. Testing days never seemed to end too well for them - especially for Dum-E who, whilst always prepared for a fire, was rarely ready for any other disaster.

Crumpling your face up as the pins and needles worsened in your leg, you mumbled, "Well, what are you doing this morning? If it’s nothing interesting, I’ll just go find someone else to annoy.”

Tony looked up from the half deconstructed metal arm and rolled his eyes. “How dare you suggest that I’d waste my time on something boring. Get over here and I’ll show you what I’ve been working on; just don’t tell the others or they’ll claim favouritism.”

Curious and honoured that he’d chosen to share a new prototype with you, you crossed the lab - or more accurately limped across, as the blood rushed back into your prickly leg - and sat on the edge of his work table. “Everyone already knows I’m your favourite.”

"That’s true,“ he mused, pulling a box from under the desk. It appeared be full of scrap parts but, hidden away at the bottom, were two thin metal bands. Trust your uncle to hide his brand new, experimental equipment in a pile of crap. Actually, you had to concede it was a very good hiding place since no one would go looking there.

"Have you had any more luck sleeping?” Tony asked, despite the answer being obvious. No one had bags as dark as your if they were getting a reasonable amount of rest. “What about that feeling of something not being right? How’s that?”

"Getting worse,“ you groaned, forcing a light tone. Whilst you knew it was healthy to share your problems with someone else, there was no way that you’d let Tony see the true extent of your negative intuition.

What you weren’t telling him was that every time you went anywhere near people your adrenaline spiked, pushing you to flee before things got dangerous. It was hard to even be around the Avengers, and these were friends you knew would protect you against anything.

Yesterday, you’d been so on edge that you’d almost accidently killed one of Tony’s assistants. All she’d done was come into the kitchen to deliver a package to you but something in the air had felt off and, without thinking, you threw a chopping knife at her. You’d never been so grateful to miss a target.

Whatever was filling the Tower with this dark energy seemed to be getting stronger. Every day, the darkness seemed to draw nearer. It called out to you like the most powerful of souls, whispering your name. You weren’t sure how much longer you could manage without breaking. If Loki and Tony weren’t around, keeping you rooted in the light…

"Arm out,” Tony ordered, pulling you out from your internal struggle. Rolling the sleeve of your jumper up, he clipped the thin metal bands around your wrists. Mumbling something about how tiny your arms were, he threw his hands in the air and proudly proclaimed, “Tada!”

"Um, thank you…?“

Tony gave you a dazzling grin, the kind he usually reserved for the reporters when he forgot what he was supposed to be saying. He suddenly became a lot more serious, though. "Kiddo, I can’t bear to see you suffer. There might not be anything I can do to help but I hope that this makes you feel a little bit safer.”

His smirk returned at your complete and utterly stunned expression. “Don’t you want to know what it does?”

"Yes!“ you squealed, overcome by excitement. "Show me!”

Jumping to his feet, Tony pulled you to the centre of the testing area. He straightened your body, kicked your legs apart for extra balance, and then practically ran for cover. From the corner of the lab, hiding behind his computer screens, he shouted, “Are you ready? Keep your arms out and don’t move!”

Your heart was thumping so hard that you could feel it in your throat. For the first time in months, though, it didn’t scare you. Adrenaline was flooding your system but instead of preparing to flee you found yourself ready to fight.

The sound of rattling metal filled the lab as two gloves flew your way. They wrapped themselves perfectly around your hands, clicking on to the bracelets on the first go, but the impact sent you flying backwards. A pair of strong arms stopped you from hitting the ground and helped you back onto your feet.

"Thank you,“ you whispered, glancing up at Loki. As much as you hated the fact the glasses were seemingly draining you of your powers, you would be forever grateful that they let you look into the god’s beautiful eyes. He looked on you in awe, as if he’d never seen anything so stunning in his life.

"You’re supposed to be protecting her, Stark, not attacking her with your tin cans,” Loki chastised. You could feel the challenge in the god’s voice, but there was a clearly playful tone behind his words.

"Shut up, reindeer games,“ your uncle retaliated, falling back on old insults.

Before the exchange got any weirder, you turned to Tony to shut him up. "How do I make them work? Do I just…”

You pulled your arm back, imitating an action that you’d seen your uncle perform multiple times, but before you could destroy half the building, Tony ran over to you and held you still. “Not… Not like that, Y/N.”

Two hours later and many, many apologies to Loki for missing the target and hitting him instead, it seemed you’d finally got the hang of the gloves. Your arms ached unbearably but the joy you felt almost completely blocked out that pain. Even so, tiredness was beginning to take its toll.

"I need to rest,“ you groaned, letting your legs buckle beneath you. Loki caught you - of course, you knew he would - and carried you over to the sofa. Placing a kiss on his lips as a thank you, you turned to Tony and asked, "How do you even move in a full suit? They must weigh a tonne and you can barely make it up a flight of stairs without moaning.”

"You were never this rude before you started dating Loki,“ Tony scowled. He knelt down on the ground and pushed a few buttons to unclip the gloves from the metal bracelets. "They’ll only work in the building for now but give me a few days to finish tweaking and you’ll be able to call them from anywhere.”

You wanted to tell him that he was the best person in the world, but knew it would only inflate his ego to an immeasurable size if you did. Not that it wasn’t already that size. Instead, you simply settled on a hug. “Thank you so much.”

"I’ll always be here for you, Y/N,“ he told you for the nth time. "Now go and relax. Have a bath. It’ll help with the aching.” His eyes flickered over to Loki and he added, “Alone.”

Rolling your eyes, you let Loki escort you back up to your room. As you were walking through the hallway, your head began to spin. Resting against the wall, you took a deep breath and prayed that the dark spots clouding your vision would fade away.

"Y/N?“ Loki’s panicked voice echoed in your ears but you could hardly hear over the pounding inside your skull. "Y/N, it’s alright. You’re going to be fine.”

You were vaguely aware of the hand on your shoulder but it did little to ground you. The darkness was closing in from every angle and the air felt like molten lava sliding into your lungs until it became impossible to breathe.

"Go and get Mr Stark,“ a man ordered. You vaguely recognised it but you couldn’t focus enough to place it. His words rolled over you like a thick sludge, coating you in a slimy darkness. It felt like you would suffocate under the weight of them.

Unable to think straight, you stumbled along the corridor until your balance failed you completely. You hit the floor, landing awkwardly on your wrists, and your glasses went flying. Flailing your arms around in front of you, you muttered, "God, where are they?”

Bright red streaks filled your vision, tearing at the darkness around you like tiny knives. Slowly, through the cracks, sunlight began to stream in and the world almost snapped back into place. Ignoring the fact that something didn’t seem right, you opened your eyes to the bright afternoon sun and there, a few feet in front of you, you could see your glasses.

As you reached out to grab them, the silhouette of a man appeared. He was the one who had sent Loki away. “You won’t be needing these, anymore.”

"Move out the way,“ you hissed, dragging yourself along the floor with your nails towards them. You were so close, just another inch or two and everything would return to normal. You’d be safe.

"I don’t think so.”

A silent scream escaped your lips when the lenses cracked beneath his shoe. The fear that had been threatening to eat you from the inside for months returned. This was it, you realised. The darkness was finally going to take you.

In a last attempt at defiance, you raised your arm up ever so slightly, calling on the gloves from the lab. However, they were too slow. He’d already crouched down beside you, injecting you in the arm with a serum that made your body go completely limp within seconds.

On the very edge of consciousness, you suddenly registered the bright green ribbons of light that you loved so dearly. They danced in the distance with that oh-so-familiar yellow mist. You wanted to reach out to touch them but were too far away.

They’d promised never to leave you. To always be there to face the darkness with you; to drag you kicking and screaming back to the light, where you belonged. With your family. But they couldn’t save you from this.

You were on your own.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for this and the next few chapters: the reader is put through some really rather horrid torture. Please don't read it if you think it will upset you.

"You’d better have answers for me, JARVIS,“ Tony fumed. "Who was that? How the hell did he get all the way up to the residential floors without setting off any of the sensors? Have you finished your bloody diagnostic yet?”

"My diagnostics show no system failures, sir. I’m functioning perfectly.“

"Then how did you not see him coming?”

"Stark, what’s happening?“ Steve asked as he burst in to the lab, followed closely behind by Natasha and Clint. They were all on high alert, knowing that something had happened but none of the actual details.

When he didn’t reply to Steve, Natasha stepped forward to try and get some answers. In her calmest tone, she reached out to him and said, "You need to talk to me. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what I need to know.”

"Someone took her! They took Y/N after I told her she’d be safe…“ his voice wobbled as he relived the moment. Loki had come running into the lab, babbling frantically. Two words had stood out clearly enough, though; Y/N and danger. Faster than he thought possible, he’d sprinted up to the corridor where you were, only to see you laying limply over the shoulder of a silhouette.

Before he could call one of his suits to arms, the shadowed man had run at the window and jumped from the building. Tony had screamed your name, falling to the floor at the window’s edge, powerless to stop them from flying away with you in tow like some sort of prize. Loki had vanished by the time he managed to take another breath. He’d not seen the god since.

Natasha took another step forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. "We will find her, Tony. We will bring her home, safe.”

"What if we can’t? Tash, I promised I’d never let anything harm her! I even started building a suit for her! If I’d taken her fears more seriously… I could have got this finished a week ago! Y/N would have had a fighting chance.“

"This is not your fault. We have the best equipment in the world here, Tony. Finding her will be easy. Once we’ve found her, we will go and get her back. It’s that simple.” She stiffened when Tony flung his arms around her but relaxed into it, understanding that he needed consoling. For her faults, Natasha was always there for her friends, even if it made her uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, the calm in the lab was only temporary. Loki chose that exact moment to finally reappear and to say that all hell broke loose would be an understatement. Tony pushed Natasha aside with such force that she whacked her head against the corner of a lab station and practically cracked her skull open. Clint immediately ran to her side, checking that she was alright.

Meanwhile, Tony braced himself as the latest Iron Man suit wrapped itself around him before manically launching shots at the god. His aim was off, his hands were shaking violently in anger, but he was firing them off at such a rate that it hardly mattered.

"Why did you leave her?“ Tony screamed at the god. "You should have stayed by her side!”

Loki dodged the majority of the shots through a mix of illusions, well timed dodges and pure dumb luck. However, Tony did manage to land a good few shots on the god, sending him flying backwards against the wall.

As much as he wanted to retaliate, to beat the living daylights out of Tony and win the fight, Loki held his temper back. Whilst it would certainly improve his mood to take your uncle’s ego down a few notches, he knew now wasn’t the time. Avoiding the latest round of fire, he looked over to Steve expectantly.

"Are you going to stand watching there all day?“ Loki growled, rolling out the way of a collapsing bench top. "Do something useful!”

Overcoming his indecision to attack a friend, Steve crept around the edge of the lab to grab the new prototype shield from the testing area and hurled it at Tony. It hit him square in the back, knocking him off balance and onto his knees.

At the same time, Loki conjured a pair of daggers and threw them at the neck of the suit. It did little damage to the thick armour plating but was enough to trip Tony’s helmet into opening up. The god strode forward, crossing the room in just a few steps, before Tony even had a chance to respond.

Loki grabbed him by the neck, holding him high into the air, before slamming him down onto the ground. The clang of the metal suit impacting the floor reverberated around the lab until silence fell.

"JARVIS, is he okay?“ Steve asked, crouching down beside Tony’s body.

"Your faith in my ability to simply render him unconscious is astounding.” Loki rolled his eyes before ordering, “Get him out of the tin can and put him on the sofa in the corner. Barton, take Romanov to medical.”

"I’m fine,“ Natasha said, dazedly. She leant against the worktop for support and, after an initial wobble, soon seemed to find her balance. Clint fussed over her for a few minutes, only stepping away once she’d let him bandage up the gash on her head.

It was at that point that Bruce finally decided to grace the lab. He walked in, somehow blissfully unaware of the tragic mayhem of the day. Looking around at the destruction, noting Natasha’s injuries and Tony laying unconscious on the sofa, he ran a hand through his hair and asked, "What did I miss?”

"Sometimes, Bruce, I truly envy your ability to sleep through anything,“ Natasha sighed.

***

"Let me out!” you screamed, banging your fists against the cold metal wall in desperation.

Even in pitch darkness, it hadn’t been difficult to find given that your entire cell measured no more than a few metres. There was barely enough room for you to stretch out on the floor; you had to curl you legs up against your chest when you wanted to sleep.

Not that sleep came easily here. For the last three days - or at least that is how long you assumed had passed; it was impossible to tell in total blackness - your captors had deprived you of all rest. Whenever it looked like you were about to fall asleep, a low buzzing would fill the cell. You knew it was your imagination playing tricks on you but whenever you heard that sound you were convinced you could feel thousands of tiny flies crawling over your skin.

If that on its own wasn’t enough to keep you awake, they kept the temperature so low that resting on the metallic floor was not an option. Of course, it wasn’t cold enough to freeze you to death, at least not yet, but it certainly wasn’t conducive to rest.

To start, you’d sat there, curled up in the darkness, saying nothing. You’d let your mind wander, filled it with memories of your family and friends. Thought about nothing other than love and happiness to fuel your hope. You were certain that these memories would keep you alive. Keep you strong.

But what good is hope when your stomach won’t stop rumbling or your throat is so dry that all you can taste is bile? When your mind fills the silence with whispers, promises that your family would always be there to look after you, to save you, but you are left alone… You’d hit the walls as hard as you could, with so much force that you’d probably fractured half the bones in your hand. It didn’t matter. You were fuelled by a anger, a force so dark that you felt capable of anything.

Only, three days later, you were still trapped here. Still alone. And now, without hope.

"Please, let me go…“ you whispered, sliding down against the wall in defeat. You rested your head against the cool metal, almost grateful to know that something was there for you. Collapsing onto the ground, no longer possessing the strength to keep yourself up right, you shut your eyes and prayed for sleep to come.

A harsh spotlight suddenly shone down on your face, the bright light a stark contrast to the complete darkness that you’d come to know. The abrupt change tore you from your sleep and sent your heart rate rocketing. Your entire body shook as stars overtook your vision, blood rushing to your head. The sharp pounding behind your temples was almost enough to make you scream.

"Confirm your name,” a distorted voice boomed. It was so loud, like a clap of thunder bursting your ear drums.

"Y/N Stark,“ you whispered. A high pitched screeching filled the room, so sharp that you were convinced it would rip your skull in two. Desperate for the alarm to stop, you repeated your answer, screaming it until the piercing sound finally went quiet.

"You live with the Avengers.”

It didn’t sound like a question but you responded anyway, fearing that they would fill the silence with that dreadful sound otherwise. As it turned out, they filled the silence with hundreds of questions instead. It was non-relenting. You barely had time to answer before they asked the next one.

Under the bright light, you soon started to sweat as the room heated up. You could feel your energy slipping away as tiredness took a hold and you no longer knew what you were revealing to your interrogators.

Just as you were about to pass out from the heat, the room was suddenly plunged into darkness and the grating sound of loud, industrial fans swirled around you. Within minutes, the metal room was as cold as ice. Everywhere the metal touched your skin felt like knives cutting at your flesh and you unexpectedly longed for the overwhelming heat to return.

"That will be all for now,“ the voice finally concluded.

Once again left alone in the silent void, you once again slammed your hand against the wall. However, the movement was without conviction. Bringing your knees to your chest and burying your head in them, you breathed, "Let me go…”

***

The destruction of the lab being too much to bear, the team set up camp in the common room. They pulled every computer screen they could find out of storage and had hundreds of printouts spread across the tables.

Each worked tirelessly on their own tasks, only speaking when they wanted to throw a new theory of piece of evidence into the mix. Clint and Steve sat analysis hours of CCTV footage from across the Tower while Bruce and Natasha made their way through JARVIS’s logs and recordings. Both teams were trying desperately to find the identity of your kidnapper, hoping that once they’d found that more leads would follow.

"There’s nothing here,“ Natasha grumbled, cradling her head in her hands. Hours staring at the screens were starting to get to her. "There are no unusual log entries for any I.D. cards anywhere in the building. No fakes. No unexplained trips up to our floors.”

Clint handed her a seriously strong cup of coffee, squeezing her shoulder gently. “There must be a record of him somewhere. No-one could know how to evade Tony’s security if they hadn’t been here to scout out the building beforehand. Probably within the last few weeks. He has to have been caught by JARVIS at some point during that time.”

"It will take days to look over that much data,“ Bruce sighed. "We’re basically chasing a ghost. Loki could tell us hardly anything about his appearance and what he could remember would be applicable to literally half the men that walk in and out of this building.”

"It’s the best idea we’ve got right now.“ Steve clearly wasn’t enthused by the possibility of trailing through hours of footage to find anyone that looked out of place but knew there was little other option. "How’s Stark doing?”

Bruce gave him a sad smile, shaking his head as he took a sip of his own super strength coffee. “He’s in a terrible state. Keeping him sedated is the best thing for him right now. He’s scared and angry. If we don’t keep him away from this, he’ll end up hurting someone. Probably himself.”

Thor arrived back from Asgard that evening expecting a cheerful welcome, only to find his team mates in an increasingly agitated state. No-one greeted him, all far too busy in their work. Instead of bothering them, Thor crossed the room to where his brother sat by the window. He placed a large hand on Loki’s back and was shocked when he did nothing to shrug him away.

Crouching down beside him, Thor asked, “Brother? What has happened?”

"Y/N has been kidnapped. It’s my fault. Stark was right. I should have stayed by her side. We’ve no idea where she is or what they are doing to her.“ Loki had to take a deep breath to steady himself.

"Have you tried using your magic to contact her?”

Loki nodded sharply. “I can’t reach out to her. I have tried all the tricks I know and have come up with nothing.”

"She is strong, brother, and we shall lend her our strength also.“

"I fear that may not be enough.”


	13. Chapter 13

You woke to the intoxicating smell of fresh coffee. Your favourite kind, no less. After what felt like weeks of sensory deprivation, the scent alone was enough to make your body shake and send your thoughts racing.

At some point during the night, they’d moved you into a different room. There were no windows and the only furniture a small wooden table and the bed upon which you’d been placed. Everything was a muted shade of grey but it was infinitely better than the darkness you’d come to know.

Pushing yourself out of your bed, you stumbled over to the coffee pot on the small table. You almost fell a few times on your way; it was almost like you’d forgotten how to walk but you’d hardly had room to stretch your legs in the other cell.

A quiet voice in the back of your mind cautioned against drinking the coffee. It could be poisoned. They might be trying to drug you again. Honestly, at that point, though, you didn’t care. You’d survived on a few glasses of water and bowls of disappointingly bland porridge. The lure of actual flavour, of something that might actually remind you of happiness, was too strong.

You couldn’t help yourself. You’d meant to savour the gift, to try and make it last for as long as you could in case this was all you had. However, less than an hour later, the entire pot was empty and, naturally, you were wired. After so long without real nutrition, the hit of caffeine to your system sent your senses into overdrive.

Pacing around the room helped a little. Your muscles were unbelievably tight but the more you moved the better they felt, even if the only feeling you had was pain. Exercise did nothing to calm your brain, though.

In a twisted way, you almost missed the darkness. Despite the blandness of the room, there were so many details to take in. All of the tiny flakes of paint coming off the walls. The natural patterns on the wooden bed frame. The scratches on the door. It really was too much.

You shuffled into the corner of the room and buried your head in your hands. Breathing hard, you counted back from a hundred until the world finally stopped spinning. It didn’t stop the feeling of something trying to push its way out of your skull but it was a small step forward.

The clicking of locks snapped your focus back to reality as the door to your room opened. Your head shot up towards the sound before you realised the stupidity of such an action. It was practically suicidal now that your glasses were gone.

Turning your gaze away to the far corner of the room, not even daring to look at the intruders feet for fear of what you might see, you waited for the questions to begin. However, none came.

Not really sure what to say to fill the silence, you muttered, “Thanks for the coffee.”

“Do you need anything else?”

You couldn’t help yourself. The last thing you’d expected was a woman’s voice. Looking up at her, you were amazed by the aura around her. It was like a million golden fireworks were exploding on her skin, an unbelievable light shining from her soul. Unable to draw your gaze away from her, you whispered, “How is this possible?”

“I’m like you, Y/N,” she smiled, crossing the room and crouching down in front of you. The golden sparks sizzled on your skin, sending ripples of heat through your body. It was unlike anything you’d ever seen before. It was beautiful.

“You can see souls too? Without consequences?”

The woman leant backwards, resting her weight on her hands. She was studying you intently and you realised that she had to be watching your soul. Her smile grew as understanding lit up your face. “I can do so much more than just see souls. You want to know, don’t you? What your light looks like. Give me your hands. I won’t bite.”

Reluctantly, you let her take your hands in hers. She turned your palms so they were facing the ceiling and began to trace a pattern on your skin with her nails. Every trail she left sparkled with a gold light before fading to wisps of pure white. 

“Close your eyes,” she told you, resting her palms on top of yours. “I’m going to help you, okay? It will be strange but try not to fight it. Take a deep breath and focus on the light inside. That warmth you feel inside your chest that you get whenever you start to understand another person. Hold on to that and let it grow until it’s all you can feel. That’s it. Now, have a look.”

You opened your eyes to the most amazing silver shimmer emanating from your skin. It ebbed and flowed over your hands like waves on the ocean, flecked with splashes of green that wrapped themselves tightly around your fingers. The longer you looked at it, the more familiar it seemed. Then you realised where you’d seen the unique mix of shades before.

You shot away from the woman, ripping your hands from her gentle hold and backing further into your corner. “What do you want from me?”

The lines on her face hardened and you watched, almost in wonder, as she pulled the light of her soul into her chest until you could no longer see it. In a slightly stiffer tone than she’d used before, the woman sighed, “We want to help you, Y/N.”

“Why?”

“Because you helped us. You gave us a mountain of useful information and now we want to return the favour.”

“I don’t want your help. I want to leave.”

“Unfortunately, what you want doesn’t matter anymore. You will accept our help.” Twisting her hands in the air above you, an intense chill began to spread through your chest. You struggled to breathe as she walked away, trailed by a silver mist as she pulled your soul from your body. The woman paused at the door and shook her head. She turned back to you and waved her hand dismissively in your direction.

The full power of your soul hit you like a brick wall, pinning you in the tight corner of the room. The last thing you saw before you succumbed to unconsciousness was a brief flash of green, almost reaching out to take your hand.

***

“I nearly had her!” Loki screamed. With a burst of magic everything in the room shook and a few books fell from his shelf. In his anger, he hardly noticed. “I was so close!”

“Be calm, brother,” Thor said from the corner of the room. For the last week, he had never left Loki’s side, concerned what his brother would do if left alone. He’d watched as Loki wore himself out, never taking a break from his spells as he tried to find you.

“How can I be calm, you big oaf?”

“If nothing else, you’ve just shown that Y/N is still alive.”

Loki’s shoulders sagged in defeat. “I just need to keep trying…”

“No, Loki. Enough. You need to rest.” Thor walked over to where Loki stood by the window and patted him on the back. “Come, brother. Let us get something to eat.”

Ignoring his reluctance, Thor literally grabbed Loki by the arm and dragged him up to the common room. It was an absolute mess but that was hardly unexpected. Between the four of them, Natasha, Steve, Clint and Bruce had had less than 10 hours of solid sleep since they’d begun searching for you. There were empty coffee mugs everywhere, crushed cans of energy drinks under the edge of the sofa and piles of half eaten takeaways on the table.

“Any luck?” Bruce asked Loki, looking away from his computer screen for the first time in five hours. His eyes were completely blood shot from lack of rest and the bags under his eyes were so dark that they could be mistaken for bruises. He swayed slightly in his seat, his body strongly protesting its treatment.

“None as of yet.”

“Us neither,” he sighed, grimacing as he downed the last of his cold coffee.

“Hold that thought,” Natasha said, suddenly seeming very excited. With a wave of her hand, she shared a collection of blurry pictures to the rest of the screens and jumped to her feet. Clint had to rest a hand against the small of her back to stop her from falling over. “Look at this, guys.”

Steve’s forehead crumpled as he studied the face. “Who is he?”

“I don’t know,” she answered, surprisingly content. She brought up another set of files from JARVIS’s logs and matched them against the pictures. Each of the records had a different name attached to them. “He’s been working his way up the Tower for months, taking I.D. passes from people and passing himself off as them. Since he never came anywhere near our restricted floors, no alarms were set off. He knew where the passes would and wouldn’t let him go.”

“I’ve seen him before,” Loki mumbled under his breath. He pushed past Steve to get a closer look at the man’s face. He gazed briefly over the information beneath each image, unable to see a reason why he’d know the man. Loki rarely left the top floors of the Tower and, according to this, the man had never been up that high.

Suddenly, it hit him. “Romanoff, is there footage from the day of Y/N’s breakdown?”

Despite not being able to see the relevance herself, Natasha brought up JARVIS’s recordings from that morning. Everyone watched with broken hearts as you began to kick and scream, hiding your face away from Steve. But it wasn’t on you that Loki focused his attention.

“Go back. Stop it there. Look.” He pointed at the group of assistants in the background, holding out sheets of paper for Steve and Tony to sign. In amidst the collection of busy assistants stood a now very familiar man. When he turned his attention to you, staring directly at the back of your head, that was when you’d begun screaming.

“That’s him,” Clint breathed. “Should we tell Tony?”

“No,” Bruce interjected before anyone else could comment. Whilst they had taken him off of sedatives yesterday, Tony was practically catatonic. He sat in the lab staring at all of the broken equipment in silence. No one was able to get through his sorrow and guilt. “Until we have a definite location on Y/N, we are not telling him anything.”

Steve shook his head. “We have to give him something. He shouldn’t be in the dark on this.”

“You haven’t seen him,” Bruce snapped back. “I’m the only one that’s been down to the lab and I’ve never seen him this low. You will not tell him about any of our theories until we have something definite. JARVIS, have you found this man on any official record yet?”

Letting them argue it out, Loki slipped away to the kitchen to make himself a cup of hot chocolate. Out of habit, he pulled two mugs out of the cupboard - one for him and one for you. He had to lean back against the worktop to steady himself as the floor swayed beneath him.

He turned away from the others and stared out of the window, taking in none of the sight below. Closing his eyes, he pictured your face in his mind in a desperate attempt to be close to you. If he ever saw you again, he knew he’d never let you out of his sights.

“Loki?”

“Y/N?” His eyes flung open to see you curled up in the corner of a room. You looked up at him, desperately wanting to believe that this was real and not a figment of your imagination. His connection to you was already fading as he said, "Y/N, we are going to find you and bring you home. I promise.“


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for this chapter: More psychological torture of a kind, the reader is forced to hurt another person. If that makes you uncomfortable, please don't read it.

"I want your help.“

The woman, whose name you still didn’t know, leant forward in her chair and asked, "What changed your mind?”

"I’m hungry,“ you growled. It wasn’t a lie - she’d have been able to see the change in your soul if you dared try and deceive her - but it wasn’t the complete truth. "I’m not stupid. I know that you plan on starving me until I am too weak to fight you. If I am to give in, I may as well do it willingly and skip that particular torture.”

She raised her eyebrows, not entirely convinced, but accepted your reasoning. “This offer is not without conditions.”

You nodded, knowing fully well that you’d have to agree to certain terms. It didn’t phase you though; you were confident in the knowledge that the Avengers would rescue you before you had to fulfil any such agreements. “I want something else, too.”

"You are hardly in a position to be making demands,“ the woman told you. However, she didn’t move to leave. You caught sight of the com-piece in her ear, recognising the design from your uncle’s lab, and suspected that whoever was on the other end was the one really in charge.

"I want my jacket back. The one I was wearing when you took me from the Tower.”

"I’m sure that can be arranged,“ she said through gritted teeth. "Now, you will follow me.”

You were led through a maze of twisting hallways, almost certainly walking in circles until you had lost all sense of direction. You arrived in a large room, not unlike the training gym back at the Tower. Thinking of your home made your chest ache with longing but you pushed it aside. You could not afford for such feelings to show.

Two men were already there, waiting patiently for your arrival. One you had never seen before, and he looked mildly terrified to be there. You couldn’t place the second man - you knew his face but you were certain that it was from passing only - but as soon as he spoke you knew he was the one who had taken you from the Tower. “I am pleased that you decided to accept my offer.”

Not really in the mood to exchange pleasantries with a man that kidnapped you, you let your eyes drift around the room. There were no windows in here either. “What are your conditions for helping me control my powers?”

"Harnessing the full potential of your powers will not be easy. I anticipate that you will not so willingly approve of all the necessary steps. My terms are that you follow the steps through to the end.“

"That’s it? Once we start I can’t stop?” You ran a hand through your hair. You could feel the dark prickling of his soul pressing against you. It made you want to claw your skin off. How could one man’s soul be so strong, you wondered, when you weren’t even looking at him. This was a dangerous man, someone not to be messed with lightly. Despite all the parts of your brain telling you not to, you stretched out your hand. “I accept.”

He shook your hand immediately. A single dark ribbon wrapped its way around both of your wrists, glowing crimson as you sealed the deal. Even when it had faded from your view, you could still feel it like acid burning your skin. “Good. Now that that is over with, let’s get started.”

It was completely unrelenting. You were sat down in front of the terrified man and simply told to read him. Naturally, without your glasses to aid you, the moment you saw his soul - thin ribbons of such vivid yellow that it rivalled Tony’s - you fell to the ground, clutching your skull.

A harsh kick to the side, a rough tug back up onto the chair, and you were ordered to try again.

This happened over a hundred times before you turned to the man with the black soul and screamed, “I can’t do this! I don’t know what this is supposed to achieve but it isn’t working!”

"You feel that anger?“ The other seer crouched down in front of you, holding your chin so you had no choice but to look at her. It was a surprise to see that her eyes shone with the same gold light as her soul, only what had once seemed pure now appeared tainted by hatred. "Feel it burning inside of you. Let it consume you and try again.”

She stepped aside and you looked over at the poor man. He was as innocent here as you, only he had no idea what was happening. From his point of view, every time you locked gaze with him you passed out. He’d tried avoiding your gaze himself, in an attempt to save you from the pain, but it had only ended with a beating to you both. After that, he’d just sat silently.

Holding on to the anger that this was futile, you made your connection. However, this time, the splitting sensation in your skull wasn’t as bad. Focusing harder on the man’s soul, you became aware of how uncomfortable he looked and at that point your concentration snapped. The strength of his soul hit you square in the face and you once again ended up in a heap on the hard floor.

From the side of the gym, you heard your captor say approvingly, “Better. Aliana take our friend back to his room.”

Left alone with him, you were surprised when the next thing he offered you was lunch. It was nothing special but the simple sandwich felt like a luxury after what you’d been forcing down beforehand.

"Why are you doing this? Why help me?“

"Your powers are special, Y/N. Blocking them out, as the Avengers had you doing, would eventually cause you more harm than embracing them.”

"Why sneak around the Tower? Why not just offer your help instead of kidnapping me?“

He tilted his head to one side, considering your questions carefully. You could see the darkness of his soul sliding up and down his arms. "You are insufferably curious,” he eventually concluded. “As I said before, this process is not easy. I had to know how strong your powers were before approaching you. There are many in this world that would not survive what you are doing.”

Massaging your throbbing temples and wanting nothing more than to soak in a boiling hot bath to sooth the now numerous bruises on your side, you asked, “You think I will?”

"We shall see.“

Aliana returned later that day with the young man in tow. You were once again sat opposite each other and the exercises resumed until you reached a point that you could maintain eye contact with him for well over a minute. When you finally broke the connection, you watched as his head rolled forward, hanging limply over his chest.

"Is he alright?” you asked, jumping up to check him over.

"Sit. Down,“ Aliana hissed, pushing you away. She placed a hand on his shoulder and you could see the golden sparks from her hand seep into his skin, waking him with a crazed look in his eyes. She turned to your captor and nodded, brushing her hands against her sides. "He’s fine.”

You were told to try again but you were wary to continue. You weren’t sure how or why but it seemed that the pain you normally experienced was somehow being transferred to the other prisoner. It didn’t sit right that he was suffering on your behalf.

Ignoring Aliana’s command to continue, you glanced over to your captor and said, “I won’t do this to him.”

The black void of his soul flared, red sparks bursting on the outer edges in the only show of otherwise expertly concealed rage. He barely moved but the aura around him grew tenfold as his presence filled the room. “You will.”

"It’s hurting him! I’m hurting him!“

"Yes, you are. And you are going to continue doing so until he is on the floor writhing in pain, begging for his miserable life. Do you understand? You made a deal, Y/N, and you do not want to break it.”

The power in his words was overwhelming. They pressed down on your chest, making it all but impossible to breathe. The few gasps for air that you managed to take were tainted by the same darkness, sliding down your throat and suffocating you from the inside. It was like drowning; you kept fighting despite knowing that every breath you took brought you closer to the end.

It continued to burn its way through your body, replacing the blood in your veins with a loathing as sharp as acid. Clawing around your system, it began to concentrate in your brain like a fire burning away your very self until nothing was left but an empty shell.

"Please…“ you begged, no sound escaping your lips. "No more…”

You turned your gaze upon the innocent man and drew on the hatred inside you. A piercing scream filled the gym and then silence.

"Good. Now, do it again.“

Breathing deeply, your hands trembling, you wiped the tears from your eyes. "I’m so sorry,” you mouthed. “Please, forgive me.”

***

"Go away,“ you whimpered, pulling your legs even tighter against your chest. You scrunched your eyes closed in a futile attempt to block out the world. As if simply not seeing it would make everything disappear like a terrible nightmare.

"Y/N?” Hearing the panic in his voice only drew you deeper into your pit of despair. After what you’d done, you didn’t deserve his love. “What have they done to you?”

You could feel Loki by your side, the strange otherworldliness of the illusion making your skin tingle. He traced the line of bruises up your arm, muttering sweet nothings and apologies for not being there to protect you. “Darling, please look at me.”

Silently snivelling, you shook your head. Logically you knew you couldn’t hurt him if he wasn’t really here but that did nothing to pacify your lurching stomach. What if you did hurt Loki? You’d never be able to live with yourself, not that that seemed a likely option now anyway. Not after today. No. You’d never look into his gorgeous eyes ever again.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: More psychological torture and character deaths. Please don't read if it will make you uncomfortable.

Supposedly, the return of your jacket was a reward for your great progress but you knew otherwise. It was just another reminder of the fact that you were alone.

Even with all the best technology in the world at their disposal, their immense strength and super human abilities, the Avengers still hadn’t found you. You couldn’t be sure, especially since time meant nothing here, but it had to have been over a month since you’d first been taken. They’d left you to rot.

But, of course, they hadn’t. Not completely. Loki visited you every day, not that you ever spoke to him anymore. No matter how hard he tried to engage you, he never received a response. The moment you felt his presence, you shut down and stared blankly at the wall of your room.

It never stopped him talking to you, though. He regaled the tales of his childhood and filled you in on the events of the world, despite knowing that his words fell on deaf ears. You knew you were breaking his heart, slowly draining him of hope, but you couldn’t respond. If you said but a single word then everything would come pouring out and that surely would break him.

Turning the jacket over in your hands, you brought it to your face and breathed in the smell. However, the only scent was that of a damp musk. Yet another link to the memories of your family severed.

Still, you threw it on and pulled it tightly around your chest. You felt something digging into your side so checked the pockets for the offending item. Unsurprisingly, there was nothing. They’d have stolen it long ago. And yet, there was definitely something poking your waist.

You took it off and laid it on the floor, running your hands over the fabric. There were no lumps; nothing at all to suggest there was something there but you were convinced you’d felt it. You traced the seams where the lining met the outer fabric until you found the smallest tear. Without hesitation, you pulled the two sides apart until there was a hole big enough to fit your hand through. Reaching in, you felt it.

Not bothering to question how it had ended up in the lining of your jacket, you ran your hands over the thin compact. It was definitely real. This wasn’t a figment of your imagination. It was really there. A sob caught in your throat as you clicked it open and the hologram of Tony appeared. It smiled up at you with that ridiculous know-it-all grin you lived to see.

You slammed it shut, tucking it under your pillow just as the door clicked opened. You jumped to your feet and followed the guards without question; you knew the drill by now. The lessons went ahead whether you wanted them to or not, so resisting them was futile. Silently making your way towards the gym, totally aware of what you were about to do, you prayed for your soul.

***

“Tony?” Natasha breathed, gobsmacked to see the genius smiling for the first time in over a month. After a week of non-starts, the team had managed to convince Tony to snap out of his vegetative state and help them. They’d made zero progress but at least he’d gotten out of bed and was actively channelling his guilt into leads. However, in the month that had followed, he’d barely said a word and had never once cracked a smile. A sharp contrast to the man before her now.

Both Clint and Steve groaned from the sofas, her exclamation waking them from their sleep. The Captain rolled over to see Tony grinning and immediately sat up. “What’s happening?”

“I know where she is!”

“What?” Clint asked, getting up so fast that he had to steady himself on the arm of the sofa. “How? We’ve been chasing leads for weeks without anything.”

Tony held up a compact mirror, much to the confusion of the rest of the team. “I got a ping.”

Bruce stumbled into the common room, still in his pyjamas, breathing heavily. His eyes scanned the room, before falling on the metal disk in Tony’s hand. A grin began to spread across his face too as he reached out to grab the thing. “JARVIS told me it pinged. Is it true? Tony, do we have a ping?”

“Will one of you please tell me why you are waving around a pocket mirror and what that fuck ping means?” Steve grumbled, ripping the device from Bruce’s hands and trying to examine it himself.

“Language,” the entire team chorused. For the first time in what felt like forever, the atmosphere in the common room shifted and everyone allowed themselves a brief moment to forget the last month of hardship and embrace the good mood.

Tony caught the compact as Steve threw it back to him and explained exactly why he was so very happy. “For her birthday, I gave Y/N the other one of these. It’s got a wonderful hologram of me inside; a near perfect representation of me, wouldn’t you say, Bruce?”

Banner rolled his eyes and continued for Tony. “It’s not just a hologram, though. Whenever Y/N opens her compact, it sends a signal to this one. If it’s open for a long time, JARVIS can run the programme to pinpoint the position down to centimetre precision. When it’s only open for a short time, we can still run a trace and use it to see the rough area that it originated from.”

“But why call it a ping?”

Bruce and Tony looked at each other and shrugged. In perfect unison, they replied, “It goes ping.”

“What are we going to do now, then?” Clint asked.

“Suit up,” Tony answered, as if it were obvious. “We’re going to bring her home.”

***

You hoped that they never cleaned that spider’s web from the corner of the gym; if they did then you’d never have anything else to focus on as they hauled the limp bodies away.

“Who’s next, Aliana?”

“We’re back to number one,” she answered her boss in a sickly sweet tone. If her joy wasn’t enough to make you want to cry, the identity of your next partner certainly was.

He was one of the few that still fought. Every time they dragged him in, he tried to fight. He would kick and scream, even pull a few punches. It never achieved anything other than a severe beating, which you were always forced to watch. Your conscience had snapped multiple times and you’d leapt forward to help him but they always made sure you regretted it afterwards.

When they’d finally strapped him into his chair, he dropped his head in defeat. He knew that once he was in the chair he would only get to leave when your lesson was done. From this point on, fighting was useless.

“Final lesson,” your captor said. He rose to his feet and walked behind you, tracing a line on the back of your neck with his fingers as he passed. You clenched your hands by your sides as the darkness of his soul wrapped itself around you. That small glimmer of hope that you’d felt upon seeing Tony’s hologram was lost to the freezing void.

Crouching down by your side, Aliana wrapped the cracked yellow ribbons of “number one’s” soul around her fingers, tugging on them hard. She snapped her hand shut around them and they shattered into a million tiny pieces. The man opposite let out a strangled scream, his hands trembling in pain.

Teasing out another strand of light from the man’s chest, Aliana twisted it so tightly that “number one” appeared to be struggling for breath. He wasn’t the only one. You felt your panic rising, realising just what was being asked of you now.

The invisible marks around your wrist started to burn, sensing that you were about to try and back out of the deal you’d made. You shuddered at the harsh voice in your ear, the hand gripping your shoulder to stop you from running. “Don’t bother fighting this, Y/N. You can’t fall back on moral arguments anymore. Not after what you’ve done to the others. This is just the final step.”

“You’re asking me to kill someone!”

“I’m not asking. Do this and you’re free.”

“I can’t kill him!”

He sighed, his warm breath on the back on your neck. “I’m sorry to hear that, Y/N. I’m sure given the choice, our friend here would kill you in an instant. Isn’t that right?”

“Yes,” the man hissed. You lifted your gaze to his, hardly shocked by the anger he held towards you. It only intensified the longer you kept eye contact, burning with a need to get revenge for everything you’d done to him. You looked away the moment you remembered that maintaining eye contact was the very thing that caused him harm but knew it would do you no favours.

In the corner of your eye, you caught Aliana pull a knife from her belt. She strutted behind “number one” and slipped the dagger into his hands. Resting her chin on his head, she looked directly at you and asked, “You know that the moment I undo his shackles, he will attack you.”

With a dramatic sigh, your captor stepped away and waved for Aliana to continue. What followed happened in seconds, although it felt far longer. “Number one” leapt across the space between you, blade stretched out and ready to end you. You barely managed to dive out the way of the attack before he was on top of you, pinning you down with his weight.

Completely overcome by panic, you looked his dead in the eye and he collapsed immediately, screaming and cradling his skull. The knife fell from his hand and you kicked it across the room, as far away from you as you could.

In that moment, you knew you were safe but didn’t stop. You wrapped the bright yellow strands of light around your hand and pulled on them until he no longer had the air in his lungs to cry out in pain. He glared up at you, his eyes turning red as he clawed at the invisible rope around his throat, begging you to let go.

The yellow bands of light splintered and turned to dust, settling on the ground around his unmoving body.

You were staring so hard at the pile of ash around you that you barely noticed the explosion. The doors to the training gym were flung off their hinges, taking the nearby guards with them. Smoke filled the room until you couldn’t see anything save for the bright splashes of colours from warring souls.

Gold sparks were flying left, right and centre, tearing enormous gashes through every ribbon of light that came within five metres. You recognised the crimson of Natasha’s shaking as Aliana tried to break her; little did she know that the Russian had the strongest soul you’d ever encountered.

Aliana seemed to realise this and dropped the attack, redirecting her attention to someone easier to kill. You clocked her target at the exact same moment she did. Those stunning blue-green ribbons of light, already cracked and hiding a darkness of their own, were instantly recognisable to you. They glowed brightly, surrounded by a silver shimmer, ready to take on an entire army to bring you home.

“No!” You screamed, catching Aliana’s attention. She spun to face you, and that was all you needed. Fuelled by a darkness so at odds to the usual gentility of your soul, you focused on the millions of tiny golden sparks that made up her aura and watched as they turned to fire. Drawing the blazing mist in on itself, you directed it to the heart of her self and refused to release your hold.

Brighter and brighter the fire burnt until it was a pure white, burning Aliana from the inside. When she collapsed, you knew you should let go of the power but you had to make sure that she’d never hurt anyone ever again.

People were screaming, shots were being fired every which way, but you could barely hear over your heart beat. The ball of light was so dense now that you lost control. It exploded, filling the room with life so pure that even the Avengers felt it and momentarily stopped fighting.

An impossibly white flare filled your vision, burning your retinas. Your legs gave out but you didn’t hit the floor. Someone had caught you. The yellow mist pulled you in with just the same ferocity as Tony’s physical hug.

You buried your face in the hard chest of his suit, unable to speak.

Metal fingers brushed the hair from your face and the last thing you heard before passing out was, “You’re safe now, Y/N. They can’t hurt you anymore.”


	16. Chapter 16

“Don’t touch me,” you said, ripping your arm free and curling up into a tight ball.

“I can’t run the tests if she won’t let me get near,” the exasperated doctor told Tony. You understood his words and knew that he didn’t want to hurt you but, every time he came within two metres, your body tensed up and prepared itself for a beating that wasn’t going to happen. “I’ve been here for three hours and not even managed to take her blood pressure!”

Tony muttered something to the doctor before joining you on the floor, maintaining a fair distance but ensuring he was close enough for you to know that he was there. You whipped your head up when the door suddenly clicked shut. “Hey, hey,” Tony’s soothing voice rang in your ears. “It’s just the doctor leaving. He’ll come back later.”

For the first time, you saw patches of blue within the familiar yellow mist around you. It wasn’t the bright sort of blue that you normally saw in people’s souls, though. It was dim and almost metallic in feeling; Tony was scared. Scared for you.

“Loki wants to come by and see you later.”

“No,” you snapped. “I don’t want him to.”

“Okay, that’s fine. I’ll tell him you aren’t ready for visitors.”

You ran a hand through your hair, indecision resting heavily in your gut. You needed to know that your family were close by but you weren’t ready to face them. You certainly weren’t ready to face Loki. He’d ask if you were okay and then everything would just come spilling out, without end, until he knew every terrible thing that you’d done.

“Tony…” you whispered, unable to even say his name without your voice breaking.

That undid him. Whether you were ready for it or not, he pulled you into the deepest embrace. A lone tear rolled down his cheek when you wrapped your arms around him, clinging on for dear life. He stroked your hair, rubbed your back, did anything and everything he could to let you know that he was there for you.

“Y/N…” Tony placed a gentle kiss on the top of your head, pulling away from the hug ever so slightly but still keeping a tight hold on you. “Sweetie, will you please let the doctor check you over?”

You shook your head, grabbing onto his hand. You didn’t know how to make him understand. “I can’t… Someone I know… Bruce?”

Somehow, Tony managed to make sense of your mumblings and told JARVIS to call Banner to the medical wing. When he arrived, the door clicked open and you instinctively hid your face in your uncle’s shoulder.

There was something about Bruce’s soul that made you feel calm. It was unlike anyone else’s; a beautiful paradox. Withdrawn and controlled but still burning like a raging fire. Driven by both emotion and logic. No one else was like that. It was pure, in a way. Untainted by your memories.

You slowly turned your head towards him, breathing deeply as you took in the gentle movement of his soul. He knelt down in front of you and you offered him your hand, which he immediately accepted. “Hey.”

“Hey,” you breathed, not sure that you could manage any more that that single word of greeting. You tried to give him a smile but it only ended up bringing you closer to tears.

“I’m just going to do a few basic checkups, okay? It’s just you, me and Tony so if anything makes you uncomfortable… If you want me to stop, you’ll tell us, won’t you?” You nodded, keeping your gaze low. Bruce squeezed your hand, an action which you returned. You felt safe with him.

As quickly and carefully as possible, avoiding all of your cuts and bruises, Bruce made his way through the checkups. He talked you through everything that he did, ensuring that each step was perfectly clear before going any further.

Finally nearing the end of the examination, Bruce took your hand once again. “I’m almost done, Y/N. Just one more test to do; I need to check your eyes.”

“No! No way,” you blurted, shuffling backwards against the wall. “You can’t…”

“It’s alright. We’ll do it later,” Tony said, cutting off Banner’s protests. You mumbled something nonsensical in agreement. “Do you feel up to moving, hun? Shall we go upstairs? Do you want something to eat or do you want to go to bed or…”

You shook your head, leaning on him to help get up onto your feet. “Please, don’t give me choices. I don’t want to choose anything, right now.”

“Look at you forming sentences,” Tony grinned, wrapping an arm around your waist to help carry your weight. “Okay, then. First, you need to shower because you look and smell disgusting. And after that you’re going to eat whatever monstrosity I cook up, pretend that it was amazing and then we’ll sit and watch a crappy movie until you fall asleep. How does that sound, sweetie?”

“Sounds great, hun,” Bruce agreed. You felt Tony chuckle beside you and couldn’t help smile a little yourself. For the briefest moment, it was as if nothing had changed. If only that were true.

Obviously Tony let you shower alone, but he made sure to wait just outside the door in case you needed anything. You sat on the island in the middle of the kitchen as he cooked, almost smiling to yourself every time he dropped something or burnt his hand (which he did a lot).

Bruce stayed close by, his gentle soul keeping you calm and relaxed as he quietly turned the others away so not to overwhelm you. You knew they were desperate to check on you, their souls called out to yours, but they all understood the need to take it slow. Every one of them had been through a similar situation and knew just how hard it could be.

Tony’s creation was, in fact, disgusting and practically inedible so he got Bruce to order in a pizza instead. Even though it was your favourite, you struggled to eat more than one slice. The guys noticed but kept quiet. They wrapped you up in a mountain of pillows and blankets on the sofa, wedged between the two of them, watching one of the worst movies that Tony could find from his collection.

It was reassuring to have them beside you. Their presence helped to ground you to the moment, their constant shuffling stopping your mind from wandering and dwelling on the horrors you had faced.

“That’s just stupid,” Bruce grumbled.

Tony reached behind you and whacked him on the back of the head. “Bruce, it’s a film about a tornado that picks up sharks and flings them every which way until people die. How can you accept that but not an exploding nuclear power plant?”

You opened your mouth to join in but the words never formed. Your heart was beating like crazy in your chest and your throat was so tight that breathing was nigh on impossible. You could feel the sweat on your forehead, but your hands were like ice.

“Y/N, look at me, sweetie,” Tony whispered, taking your face in his hands. You tried to slap them away, but he refused to move. Touching his forehead to yours, holding back a sigh of relief as you leant into it, he simply talked at you until you’d stopped shaking.

Lifting your head ever so slightly, still unable to take more than shallow breaths, you let his words draw you out of your memories. It wasn’t what he was saying, really, just that he was. His almost melodic mumbling blocked out sounds you’d rather forget and pulled you back to the present. A few minutes later, you asked, “Why are you telling me about penguin mating rituals?

"I think it’s cute that they search the entire beach for the perfect pebble to give to their partner. Don’t you?”

“I guess… Why do you even know about that?”

“Years of insomnia and late nights documentaries,” Tony shrugged. After a moment’s hesitation, he nervously asked, “Y/N, what just happened? Was it something we said?”

You bit the inside of your lip as your mind whizzed around in circles. You wanted to tell them everything but the memories fought back, hiding themselves under the cover of shadows. You’d be happy to keep them locked away forever if you could, even if they were like poison killing you slowly from inside. Eventually, you’d end up nothing but an empty shell.

Still, you couldn’t bring yourself to open the flood gates. Acknowledging so much as one second in that place would mean it had all been real and everything you’d done… All the innocent people you’d hurt… Or worse… You weren’t ready to face that yet.

Instead, you took a deep breath and muttered, “It wasn’t you. It was number one… The actor sounded like him.”

“Who’s number one?”

“He was being held in that place with me.” Even those few words left a bad taste in your mouth, burning like battery acid. As much as you wanted to tell your uncle everything, to try and lighten the weight on your chest, you knew that doing so would simply leave you devoid of any emotion.

Closing your eyes, trying desperately hard not to picture the poor man’s face, you whispered, “They tortured him and made me… When he tried to help me, they hurt him more. Now he’s dead and I don’t even know his name.”

“Y/N…” Tony grappled for an adequate response, but of course there was none. You let him pull you into another hug, surprised when Bruce joined in too. He’d never really been one for physical contact so the gesture meant even more that it should have done.

Pulling yourself free from the tangle of limbs, you managed a weak smile. Tony escorted you back to your room a while later, holding your hand tightly as you walked along the corridor from which you’d been taken. It had been difficult to make him leave but eventually, after much debate, he agreed.

“You can wake me up at any time,” he told you, placing a kiss on your forehead. “Promise that you will, if you need me.”

“I promise.” You were just about to close the door when you added, “Maybe tomorrow we could all have breakfast? As a whole family? I think that I’d really like that.”

“Of course, sweetie. Whatever you want.”

When you were finally alone, you sank down against the door and rubbed your eyes. They hurt so much. It was like someone was using them as pin cushions, constantly stabbing them with hundreds of tiny needles. Even when you closed them, the pain refused to fade.

You swung your head towards the corner of the room. “Who’s there?”

“It’s only me, my love,” Loki muttered. “I’m sorry. I know that you didn’t want visitors but I had to see you. I had to know that you were really back.”

“I can’t feel your soul.”

“That’s hardly unusual, is it? You’ve never been able to see it from an illusion before.”

A small laugh escaped your lips, although it sounded false even to your ears. Holding your hand out in his direction, you sighed as the illusion traced gentle patterns on your palm. Loki could never touch you as an illusion - it would fade away if he ever tried - but you could always feel the tingle of his magic passing over you.

Loki stopped mid movement and asked, “Darling, why won’t you look at me? You know that I can do you no harm in this form. You needn’t fear since my soul is elsewhere.”

“Don’t…”

“Please, Y/N?”

“I can’t,” you whispered. “I can’t look at you because I don’t know where you are. Something happened in that place. When I… When I fought with Aliana, the light blinded me.”

A heart wrenching mix of confusion and fear filled his voice. It was like he was hoping that this were just a joke, made in poor taste. “Y/N, I don’t understand.”

“It’s almost funny. I spent so much time wishing I could control my powers and then when I could, using Tony’s glasses, I missed the souls so much it physically hurt. Now I’ve got them back, and so much more beside, but they’re all I can see. I'm blind. I can't see the real world anymore.”

A sudden green flash filled your sight as Loki teleported himself to your side, the warmth of his soul filling the room. You melted into his arms, all of your fears about seeing him fading away. He traced the line of your mouth with his thumb and placed a gentle kiss on the end of your nose. “I missed you so much, my darling. It’s going to be alright.”

You lifted your hands and followed the lines of his face, trying to match up the image you had of him in your mind to what was in front of you now. Loki leant into your hand, breathing deeply and savouring your touch.

“You can’t tell them,” you mumbled, holding back a sob.

“Y/N, we have to tell Tony about this.”

“Not yet. I just… I need to be sure this isn’t a dream. To wake up here tomorrow and not be back there with them.” Your breath caught in your throat as the mere memory of the training room flashed before your eyes. “I’ll tell him soon. When I’m sure it’s permanent.”

You could feel his cold tears running down his cheeks and tried to brush them away. He was angry, so angry at the people that had hurt you, angry at himself for not finding you sooner, and it made his soul burn.

You reached out and wrapped the tight, black coils around your fingers, drawing them away from the rest of his soul. You wouldn’t let this break him. Slowly, the hateful strands of light began to burn white as you pulled the negative emotions from him, as you would poison from a wound, until all that remained was the beautiful green-blue ribbons you loved so dearly. “Loki… Please, don’t cry.”

“I am so sorry for…”

“No,” you interrupted sternly. You fumbled around trying to find his hands, gripping them tightly when he laced his fingers through yours. “You will not be sorry for anything. That will never undo what has happened so don’t bother.”

“Darling, what can I do?”

The faintest hint of a smile playing on your lips, you pulled him into a hug and rested your head on his shoulder. Loki nuzzled against your neck, trailing soft, lingering kisses along your skin. He pulled you into his lap, brushing his lips over yours. It was the barest of touches but still sent shivers down your spine. It felt like, in that moment, you were home.

“Just keep doing this, okay?” you told him, feeling his chest rise and fall with every breath against your own. “Will you stay with me tonight? Just hold me until I fall asleep. I don’t think I can face waking up alone.”

“I’d stay with you forever if you’d let me, Y/N.”

Your heart almost about to burst at the admission, you found yourself practically unable to respond. “Oh, Loki…”

He silenced you with another kiss before jumping up, holding you tightly in his arms against his chest. “Come on, my love. I think it’s about time we went to bed.”


	17. Chapter 17

"Are you sure someone shouldn’t go and check on Y/N?“ Tony asked the others, pushing the omelette on his plate around with his fork. He hadn’t eaten anything out of nerves all morning, despite the fact that Clint and Natasha had cooked all his favourites.

"It’s still pretty early,” Steve said, taking the cold pancakes off the edge of Tony’s plate. The super soldier had already managed an entire plate of his own but still wasn’t full. “She’s probably still asleep. Thor and Loki aren’t up yet either.”

"Did you get any rest last night, Tony?“ Natasha asked. She pulled her breakfast out of the reach of Steve, glaring at him when he tried to steal from her plate.

Bruce caught her eye and shook his head. He’d stayed up with his friend until the sun had risen, just to make sure that Tony was okay. He hid it well, he always did, but it was clear that Tony was having almost as hard a time as you about your return. He still felt guilty that his security hadn’t been enough to stop you from being taken and had convinced himself not to sleep just in case you needed him during the night.

Forcing himself to swallow a bite of his omelette, unwilling to face the wrath of Natasha, Tony sighed. "We’ll have to tell her, you know. JARVIS still hasn’t found him. There is no record of him on any database. Even the dead woman, his assistant or whatever she was, doesn’t seem to exist.”

"At least give it a few days, Tony. Y/N has only been out of that hell hole for 24 hours. If you tell her that the man keeping her trapped there escaped - and that we have no idea where he is now - she will break.“ Steve sighed. "You need to give her time to get over what happened.”

"Enough,“ Natasha hissed at the boys. "We’re supposed to be having a family breakfast, not discussing mission tactics. There is plenty of time for that later. Steve, keep your eyes off my pancakes. Tony, eat your omelette before I shove it down your throat.”

***

You hovered in the doorway, just out of view from the kitchen. You could feel their souls so strongly. The entire fabric of the building was saturated with nerves and whilst understandable - the team were scared how you would react to being around them after everything you’d been through - it didn’t help your mood.

Even though you knew he was coming, the green blue ribbons of his soul reaching out long before he got close, you still jumped when Loki carefully wrapped his arms around your waist. “It’s alright, darling,” he muttered into your ear. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I can get you some food and we can eat it in your room.”

You leant back into his body, trying to relax. It wasn’t easy. You wanted to melt into Loki, to let the warmth of his soul envelope you, but it was too hard to let go. With only the swirling mists of souls to guide you through the world now, you feared that you’d get lost and fall back into the darkness.

Of course, Loki sensed your hesitation and it only made him hold you tighter as the god tried to assure you that everything was okay. He laced his fingers through yours and guided you into the kitchen.

You were met with a burst of colours, the shining light of everyone’s souls filling your vision like a million brilliant fireworks. They swirled and danced in a way that you’d never seen before. Somehow, you instinctively knew that each movement related to a different emotion. Each soul vibrated gently with nerves but the overwhelming feeling in the room was one of relief.

"Hey,“ you breathed, fighting the urge to spin around and join the ribbons of light in their beautiful, crazy dance.

Pushing through the noise, you managed to calm the souls enough so you could work out where everyone was. Your grip on Loki’s hand tightened as he led you to a chair, discretely helping you up onto the seat. Grateful that he didn’t move from your side, you tried to smile at the team but couldn’t quite manage it.

"We know, sweetie. It’s okay,” Natasha said, guessing your thoughts. You were glad that you didn’t have to try and thank them for rescuing you. There were no words to express how it felt to be back home.

"What would you like to eat, Y/N?“ Clint asked.

You shrugged, breathing in the smells around you to try and work out what was on offer. You knew that he’d make you anything you asked for but the choice was a little overwhelming. The smell of sugar hung in the air and it made you feel a little sick after a month of surviving on mainly toast or porridge. "Oh, toast is fine. What are you guys doing today?”

There was a moment of silence in the kitchen and you watched as every single soul in the room crackled slightly. Whatever it was that made the entire team raise their guards, you decided you didn’t want to know. Shaking your head you muttered, “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”

"What about you, Y/N?“ Bruce asked. "It’s supposed to be a nice day. You and Loki could go for a walk round the park.”

"No,“ you cringed. Realising that you’d answered a little too aggressively, you explained quietly, "Too many people.”

You heard Clint slide a plate across the table and squeezed Loki’s hand appreciatively when he offered to butter the toast for you. He handed the toast to you, his soul burning as he continued to pretend that you could see everything going on around you. And, in a way you could; it just wasn’t what you were used to.

The ribbons of Loki’s soul wrapped themselves around his arms as he stretched across the table to reach for the butter. His form was recognisable and beautiful in its own way but, as shallow as it may seem, you found yourself missing the sight of the god’s physical body. You closed your eyes briefly, holding on to the memory of his face.

"I’m fine,“ you whispered, sensing Loki’s soul flare at the minute change in your mood. You ate your toast in silence, content to fade in and out of the chatter in the room until the noise became a little too overwhelming. Shifting off your chair, gripping the edge of the counter so tightly that your knuckles went white, you gave the room a small smile and said, "I’ve got a bit of a headache. I’m gonna lay down for a while.”

"Are you sure you’re okay, Y/N?“ Tony asked, catching your arm as you shuffled past him.

Ripping your arm free, you huffed, "I’m fine.”

The moment you were out of the kitchen you reached out to the wall, needing to feel something there in amidst of the sudden plainness. Without the souls to fill your vision, you were left with nothing but moving shadows. Taking a deep breath, you tried to find a light in the darkness and were relieved and overwhelmed to see the silver shimmer of your own soul provide a faint glow.

Standing straight, lifting your head, you slowly made your way down the corridor to your room. You weren’t entirely sure how far along you were and had to no choice but to ask the Tower’s resident AI. “JARVIS?” you whispered, not wanting the others to hear you - even though they were talking loudly in the kitchen. “How far to my room?”

"Another five steps, miss. Do you need me to get Mr Stark?“

"No, I’m fine. Can you open the door for me?” You heard it click open and stretched your hands to feel your way in to your room. Stumbling over to your bed, collapsing into the mattress, you thanked the AI for his help. “JARVIS, will you turn on the air con? It’s a bit warm in here.”

A few minutes later, perversely enjoying the shiver from the cold, you heard someone knock on your door. You didn’t need to ask who it was; his soul was unlike the any of the other’s. The bubble of red, white and blue was so strong that you could sense it through the walls. “It’s open.”

You shuffled over on your bed making room for him to sit, sensing his awkwardness. “Are you alright, Captain?”

"I think it’s me that should be asking that,“ he said, balancing on the edge of your mattress.

"Tony doesn’t know you’re here, does he?” you asked. The bubble of colours around him shook nervously. He wasn’t scared of you, but you suspected he was scared for you. Just like everyone else. To be honest, you understood why. You weren’t completely convinced that you were going to make it through this either.

Pushing yourself up against the headboard of your bed, you pulled a blanket around your shoulders. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell him. His advice is stupid, anyway; I don’t want any of you to tread carefully around me.”

"How did you know that he told us to give you space?“

You gave him a weak smile. "I didn’t but I’m good at guessing. Not that I’m not happy to see you, but why are you here, Steve?”

"I’d like to ask you a question, Y/N. I’d really like an honest answer too.“ You felt a sharp stab of panic in your chest but nodded for him to continue nonetheless. Steve’s voice was gentle but there was a tense determination underlying his words. "What happened to you in the bunker?”

"I can’t answer that,“ you said.

Steve let out a sigh and the mattress dipped as he shuffled closer. "Did they hurt you?”

"Yes.“

"Did they make you hurt other people?”

You drew your legs up to your chest and rested your forehead on your knees. Your hair fell around your face, hiding your expression, but it was still clear when you nodded. Barely more than a whimper, you sniffled, “How did you know?”

"A friend of mine went through a similar thing.“ Even with your eyes shut you could sense the change in Steve’s soul. For a short second, the tight shell of emotions around his core loosened and his entire aura softened. "He was captured and tortured. They made him kill people. This morning, I saw you; you wore a similar look as he did, when he first came back to me.”

"Who is he?“

"His name’s Bucky.”

"Why are you telling me this, Cap?“

Steve gently placed a hand on your arm and you could feel the comfort rolling out from his soul in waves. "I watched as this tore Bucky apart. I don’t want the same to happen to you, Y/N. I thought that maybe it would be good for you to talk to him. It could help you both to have someone understand what you’ve been through.”

You were silent for while, honestly just content to soak up his hopefulness. It was an emotion you’d almost forgotten how to feel but it now surrounded you like a warm second skin. It’s unsurprising, you thought, that hope made people think they could do anything when it felt this good.

Eventually, though, having spent enough time arguing it out with yourself, you shook your head. “I can’t talk about it, Steve. I’m sorry.”

To your surprise, his soul actually lit up a little as he smiled. “Bucky would say the same. Even if you don’t talk, at least you’d know that there was another person that truly understood.”

"You aren’t going to drop this, are you?“

"I wouldn’t force you to do anything, Y/N,” Steve replied, a little wounded by the insinuation.

"I know. I’m sorry. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to meet him…“

Steve promised to get back to you once he’d contacted Bucky. As he turned to leave, you caught his arm - a minor miracle given that you were simply guessing where he stood - and pleaded, "Steve, please don’t tell the others. I’m not ready to talk about it. I don’t think Tony would take it well that I’d rather talk to a stranger than him…”

"I’m sure he’d understand,“ Steve reasoned. "Tony only wants what’s best for you, Y/N. If you’d rather I kept it a secret, though, I will.”

"Thanks, Cap.“ You released your tight grip on his arm and let him leave. When the door shut, you stretched out across your bed and wondered what you’d actually just agreed to.


	18. Chapter 18

"I’m busy,“ you mumbled, sensing Tony’s soul as he let himself into your room - something he’d been doing more and more as you shut yourself away from the team.

Since returning to the Tower, you’d hardly taken your headphones off. Whilst you’d always relied on music to keep you calm before, it was now almost the only thing holding you on the right side of sanity. When you weren’t plugged in, the world was too quiet and that was when your mind began to wander to darker places.

Tony dragged a chair across the floor and sat beside you, the yellow glow of his soul so bright that you could barely concentrate. It was hard enough to focus on your thoughts without the added distraction of company, too.

"Doing what?” your uncle asked, knocking the headphones off your head.

"Thinking. Or, maybe, not thinking.“

The blue swirls in Tony’s soul began to shake restlessly. They were a recent sight. Only present since you’d returned. He was scared of what you were doing to yourself, locked away in your head. You hadn’t left your room all week and, even with Loki dragging you out to meals, you had barely eaten anything.

With a sigh, Tony said, “That’s what I thought. Why don’t you come down to the lab with me? I know how much you love testing days.”

"As much as I’d enjoy you setting something on fire, I’m not really in the mood.“

"Don’t care,” Tony said, grabbing your hand and dragging you to your feet. You tried to push him away but he didn’t shove. Instead, he simply flung you over his shoulder and carried you away. Ignoring your kicking and screaming, with a gentle reminder that certain members of the team wouldn’t approve of your language, Tony only put you down when you reached the lab.

It was disconcerting, being back in the lab. You’d spent so much time here before that you’d thought that you’d be able to remember every detail. However, no matter how you tried, you could conjure no more than the bare bones of a memory about the layout. All those fabulous machines, the sleek but often messy workbenches, they now felt like a distant, fading dream. You’d never realised how cold it was, either.

"Where’s Bruce?“ you asked, stumbling over towards the sofa. You were relieved that Tony was engrossed with his suits as it meant he hadn’t seen you trip over nothing. Neither he nor the others knew about your blindness - Loki had thus far kept your secret - and you couldn’t bear to tell them the truth now.

"He’s still sleeping, sweetie. It’s only five thirty. You know he doesn’t like to get up before the sun.”

You smiled in response but felt the knot in your chest tighten. As much as you loved your uncle, and you were truly grateful for everything he’d done for you, since returning to the Tower you’d felt uneasy being around him alone. Of course, it was through no fault of his own.

Every time you saw the fabulous golden yellow mist that surrounded him, you couldn’t help but think of what you’d done to “number one”. The fear that you might to the same to Tony, or anyone else, left you tossing and turning in night.

When Bruce was around, though, the pain of the past seemed to have less of a hold on you. You could focus the gentle burn of his soul and use it to anchor yourself. He subconsciously leant you some of his control and kept you in the present. Without him around, it almost felt like you were adrift at sea, fighting the raging currents to stop your head from going under.

"What are you doing today, then?“ you asked, perched awkwardly on the sofa edge.

"Test flights for the mark thirteen,” he said proudly. Anticipating your reply, he added, “I know; unlucky for some but I have a good feeling about this.”

Somewhat unexpectedly, Tony’s “good feeling” was misplaced and he soon ended up in a heap on the floor, surrounded by a broken suit and fighting off a very enthusiastic Dum-E (who had decided that, to be on the safe side, releasing fire suppressants everywhere would be helpful).

Kicking the disassembled suit to the side, nursing a bumped head, Tony plonked himself down next to you on the sofa. You could feel him staring at you, trying to work out why you weren’t as amused by his failure as normal. He shuffled over so your shoulders were touching, but you jumped away at the cold shiver that ran down your arm.

"I’m fine,“ you whispered, curling your legs up and under your body. "Don’t worry.”

"How can I not worry, Y/N? You’re spending more time alone than you ever used to, you’ve stopped drawing and now you’re jumping away from me!“ The light around him was flickering like crazy; you’d never seen anything like it before. The entirety of his soul was outlined by an icy blue which seemed to slowly be eating away at the sunshine yellow you so loved. "I feel like you didn’t really come back with us.”

To hear his heart breaking in his voice and see the frost concentrate around the core of his soul almost broke you. Before you could stop yourself, you reached out and rested your hand over the centre of his soul, right on his chest, and shivered uncontrollably as you tried to stop the ice penetrating further.

Once you had a ‘solid’ grip on the cold, you pulled it from his soul and flung it aside. Both you and Tony jumped when a nearby computer screen shattered. It was your uncle that broke the silence that followed. “Well… That’s new…”

"That’s never happened before,“ you told him, burying your hands in your armpits to warm them up. "It’s only ever been me or Aliana that can interact with the souls. They’ve never done damage like that before.”

"Who’s Aliana?“ Tony asked, wrapping a blanket around your shoulders. He stayed close but you were painfully aware of how he made sure not to touch you again.

"She was my teacher,” you spat, pulling the blanket tighter around you. “She worked for him. His second in command.”

"The dead woman?“ For all his sarcasm and the frequent attempts to hide his true brilliance, Tony was still an incredibly intelligent and perceptive man. You could almost see the cogs in his brain turning and the yellow light around him suddenly dimmed as he reached a dreadful conclusion. "Oh, Y/N… Sweetie…”

You screwed your eyes tight shut, burying your head in your knees. “She was going to hurt Loki,” you sobbed, choking on the words. “She would have killed him. She’d have killed you all.”

Tony brushed the hair from your face and kissed your forehead, pulling you tightly into his arms. “Y/N, after everything she must have done to you, no one can blame you. We’ve all done far worse with less reason.”

"That doesn’t make it okay,“ you mumbled.

"I know, sweetie. I know.”

***

Steve caught you later that day, just as you were getting ready to sleep. It was only lunchtime but you hadn’t slept for over twenty four hours and it was beginning to take its toll. Everything was a little blurry but you still had a clear enough view to know whose soul it was around the corner.

"Please, Cap, I really don’t want to talk to anyone.“

Stepping out of your way, he nodded. "I know. I just thought I’d let you know that I got a message to Bucky. He said he’ll be in the common room tonight. Even if you don’t want to talk, maybe you’d just listen to him? It might still help.”

***

"Y/N?“ Loki’s sleepy voice stopped you in your tracks. You’d been so caught up in your thoughts and fears about this meeting that you hadn’t noticed the god behind you. "It’s three in the morning. Where are you going?”

"To get a sandwich…“ you muttered. It wasn’t surprising when Loki stepped in the corridor; he clearly didn’t believe you and, to be honest, you wouldn’t have believed your excuse either. With a shrug, you said, "Loki, I’m fine. Go back to bed.”

He grabbed your hands, preventing you from walking away. “It’s dark, Y/N. What if someone tries to take you from the shadows?”

"For god sake, Loki, it’s always dark! If you’d forgotten, I’m blind to the world now!“ Your words were barely audible but they still cut him like a sharp blade. The ribbons of green light coiled tightly, almost defensively, against the verbal attack.

Taking a deep breath, you lowered your voice even further and bit down on the inside of your lip. You would not cry over this; at least not today. "All I’ve got is the light of souls. What I see is the same, day or night. If someone was going to try and sneak up on me, I would know.”

"At least let me come with you,“ Loki protested.

"Just drop it! I don’t need you to look after me every moment of the day! I feel like you are smothering me,” you hissed, a darkness burning in the pit of your stomach. It spilt from your core, tainting the usual silver glimmer of your soul and leaving the air between you tasting metallic. “I just need time to work through my thoughts, on my own!”

Twisting your hands free from Loki’s grip, you batted away the green ribbons of light that tried to embrace you and shuffled backward until your back hit the hallway wall. Holding your hands out, fuelled by the darkness and ready to attack at the slightest movement, you growled, “Leave me alone.”

Loki went to move towards you, wanting only to pull you into an hug and hold you until you calmed down, but got no further than a step before you struck out. You clawed at the light around him, gripping it and crushing it in your hands. Twisting it around your fingers, drawing it from his body, a sick satisfaction ran through you as you watched the intense blue-green begin to turn grey.

There was a loud thud as Loki fell to his knees, coughing and spluttering. Your grip on his soul faltered when you heard your name slipped his lips but the whispers in the darkness urged you not to let go. The frosty tingle of power that spread from your fingertips through your body was almost exhilarating. However, the chill soon became overwhelming and a bright white flare filled your vision, forcing you to release your hold on his soul.

Falling to the floor beside Loki, your hands shaking in fear of what you’d done, you fumbled to find his throat and checked for a pulse. It took you multiple attempts to find the right spot and when you felt that faint beating against your fingers you let out a strangled sob.

You wrapped your arms around Loki’s unconscious body and held him tightly, rocking gently as the tears fell rolled down your face. “Oh, god… Loki, I’m so sorry…”

Taking a deep breath and wiping your eyes, you struggled to your feet and stumbled into the common room. You could feel the unfamiliar soul immediately. Frozen to the spot, ready to defend yourself should you need to, you looked in the direction of the visitor and whispered, “Bucky?”

"Y/N, I assume.“

You nodded, anxiously glancing over your shoulder towards the corridor. By the time you’d turned back, Bucky was standing less than a metre away from you. He radiated nervous energy, not that you could blame him - you were feeling the exact same thing, although for a very different reason.

"Are you okay?” he asked gently, clearly uncomfortable addressing such an issue.

"I’m really not,“ you said, after a long second. You had debated lying to him but decided against it; something about the man resonated with you. Continuing with your streak of honesty, you added, "I need to go. I don’t care where. I can’t be here if Loki… When Loki wakes up.”

"You want me to help you leave?“

"Will you? I don’t mean forever. A few nights, max.”

"You could just walk out those doors alone. Why do you need my help?“

Without hesitation, far too scared to face the consequences of your actions should you remain put, you answered, "I’m blind. The only reasons I can get around the Tower are because of JARVIS and my memories of the building. Outside, I wouldn’t last a minute alone. Please?”

You weren’t sure what changed his mind but Bucky agreed. He stepped forward and, noticing the way that your entire body stiffened at the movement, froze before saying, “I’m not going to carry you.”

Despite everything - the fear over what your powers had done to Loki in a moment of weakness, the dreadful anticipation of how understanding he would be when he woke - you felt a small smile tug at your lips. “Trust me, I’ve had enough of being carried for one day,” you told him. Holding an arm up, you waited for him to take it. “Just guide me in the right direction and warn me when there are steps.”

He moved you so your arm was wrapped around his neck, whilst his own gripped you carefully around the waist. His deep voice almost vibrating through your bones, he asked “Do you need anything before we go?”

"I’ll be fine. Um, Bucky?“

"Yes?”

"Thank you for this.“

Bucky let out a small laugh. "I wouldn’t say that quite yet. When we get where I’ve been staying, you might not be so thankful.”


	19. Chapter 19

“Stark!” Thor’s booming voice tore your uncle from his sleep, scaring him so much that he fell off the edge of his bed. The god kept thrashing his fist against the door until Tony finally stumbled over to let him in.

“You had better have a good reason for waking me at four am, Blondie,” Tony scowled, pulling his quilt around his shoulders. How he hated getting out of bed sometimes - especially since he’d been having his first real good night’s sleep for months. “And for the love of god put some clothes on!”

Thor took no notice of his request until Tony actually threw a towel at him, averting his gaze until the god was at least partly covered. “You humans are so repressed.”

“Why are you here, Thor?”

Suddenly remembering why he had decided to wake Tony in the first place, Thor exclaimed, “Oh, my brother!”

Holding back a sigh, Tony pinched the bridge of his nose and asked, “What did he do now?”

“He’s lying in the corridor outside your room. I cannot wake him.”

“Why didn’t you say so before?” Tony shouted, dropping his quilt and pushing the god aside. He knelt down by Loki’s side and checked for a pulse, a surprising wave of relief rushing over him when he found one.

Loki stirred, his eyelids fluttering before flying open. He shot up and, if not for Tony’s grip on his shoulders, he would have sprung to his feet - and almost certainly fallen over. Running a hand through his tangled, black hair, Loki grumbled, “Where’s Y/N?”

Tony’s expression hardened and he practically screamed at the AI, “JARVIS! Where is she?”

“I do not know the answer to that, Sir.”

“JARVIS…” His voice was so low that it was almost a growl, filled with such a dark warning that even the computer system seemed to tremble. “Are you telling me that someone managed to break through your security system again?”

“Technically, Sir, it is your security system. I just manage it. But either way, Miss Stark was not taken by force. She willingly left the Tower at three sixteen this morning with one Sergeant Barnes.”

Breathing deeply in a failing attempt to stay his aggression, Tony left Loki in Thor’s capable hands and stormed down to the training room. Poor Steve didn’t know what hit him. The doors slammed against the walls with such a crash as Tony charged in that Steve actually dropped his weights.

For all his super-soldier strength, Steve was so shocked to see his team mate this angry that he did nothing to deflect Tony’s punches and ended up stumbling back into the wall. The Captain threw his hands up into the air defensively, but it was clear from the way his muscles tensed that he was ready to hit back any second.

“You’ve got ten seconds to explain to me why Y/N left the Tower with your Winter Solider before I break something.”

“Bucky. He isn’t the Winter Soldier anymore,” Steve retaliated. “If she left, it was her choice. Bucky wouldn’t hurt her. She’s in no danger, Tony. They’ve both been through Hell and back and just need someone to talk to.”

“She could have talked to us. To me.”

The shift in Tony’s posture was enough to convince Steve that he wasn’t going to get punched again. He grabbed a pair of chairs and waited for his friend to sit down before speaking. No matter how he tried, Steve couldn’t meet Tony’s gaze as he slowly explained, “I don’t know how much Y/N has told you but what they did to her… I fear she went through a whole lot more than we realise.”

“She killed that woman - Aliana. The one we found at the bunker.”

“It’s not just that, Tony.” Steve had to steady his own breath, finding it hard to explain what he didn’t really understand. Everything he knew had come from his own deductions rather than actual facts from you. “They made her hurt other prisoners there. I think she killed one of them.”

“Are you sure?”

Steve nodded stiffly. He knew - all the Avengers knew - that killing someone left a mark on the soul. To do it in the line of duty was one thing; in the heat of battle, fighting an evil enemy fuelled only by your own anger and hatred, it was almost excusable. At least that’s what he told himself in order to keep moving through life.

But to torture and kill an innocent - even under extreme duress, as you had been - was a whole other level. He could only imagine what was going through your head. The guilt and remorse he felt after every battle could hardly compare to your own. It was no surprise to him that you had drawn away from everyone.

Resting his hand on Tony’s back, Steve said, “I promise that’s she safe with Bucky. He will protect her from any harm that comes their way. I honestly believe that they will be able to help one another.”

Tony just nodded. His blood was boiling with rage towards the man that had tortured you until you killed. There was no way on Earth that he would let him get away unpunished.

Catching the change of expression on his friend’s face, Steve asked, “What are you thinking, Tony?”

“That I’m going to find the bastard that did this to Y/N and end him. Get the rest of the team together. We’re not going to rest until we have a lead on him.”

***

“Do you want some tea or something?” Bucky asked awkwardly.

You could tell from the way that his soul contracted that he was uneasy. You couldn’t help but wonder why. Against him, you’d never win in a fight (you’d felt his body beside yours when he’d helped you out the Tower; he had to be at least as strong as the Captain, if not more so). Perhaps he just didn’t know how to act because you were blind. Or maybe Steve had told him more than you’d realised and he feared what your powers could do.

“Coffee, if you have it.”

He returned a few minutes later, offering you a large steaming mug. He held it out for you to take but then seemed to remember that you couldn’t actually see it. Crouching down in front of you, Bucky wrapped your hands around the mug and then quickly stepped away. He stood against the wall on the other side of the room, nervous energy radiating from his body.

“You don’t have to stand all the way over there, you know,” you muttered.

“I thought you were blind.”

You rolled your eyes, taking a sip of the coffee. You were surprised to find that, whilst not the hideously expensive brand that Tony kept your caffeinated with, it was one of the best you’d ever had. “Yes and no. I can’t see the physical world but still have the light of people’s souls.”

Bucky pulled up an old deck chair and sat opposite you. It was clear from his voice that he was having trouble accepting what you were saying but, after all the crazy things he’d seen in the world, he was loathed to dismiss your claims completely. “And when someone has no soul?”

“Everyone has a soul, Bucky. Some are harder to see, others are completely and utterly shattered, but they are always there. Even monsters have souls.” The indigo flames opposite you suddenly turned grey and you threw your hands in the air apologetically. “Oh, Bucky… I didn’t mean to say… You’re not a monster.”

“So I’ve been told. That doesn’t make it easy to believe, though.”

A silence descended on the small flat, although eventually it became a comfortable companion to you both. Neither one of you really knew where to start a conversation that would inevitably turn to torture and murder. You were quite content to sit peacefully and never speak again.

Sometime later, after another three cups of coffee, you asked him, “How long have you known Steve?”

At just the mere mention of his name, Bucky’s soul brightened. The air around the flames tingled and, even though his thoughts were underpinned by sadness, he seemed to have perked up considerably at his memories. “A very long time. We grew up together before the war.”

“You must be close, then.”

“We used to be. The same can’t be said now.”

“Bullshit,” you scoffed before you could stop yourself. Rubbing the back of your neck, turning your gaze away from him, you took another sip of your coffee for something to do. Eventually, you clarified, “Sorry. It’s just that your words don’t match up with what I’ve seen. Souls don’t react the ways that yours two do if they aren’t close.”

Bucky didn’t reply, seemingly waiting for you to expand your point. He sat patiently until he could take it no longer. Leaning back in his chair, by far the most relaxed you’d seen him, he sighed, “Go on. It’s written all over your face that you want to explain and try to change my mind.”

You couldn’t help but grin just a little at his attitude. It was so clear by the way that the indigo flame of his soul rippled around the edges that he was truly intrigued. He was simply too caged a person to ask outright.

Leaning back in the chair, you began, “When Steve first mentioned you, his entire being relaxed. The swirls of colours around him became clearer and they practically shone. It is rare to see someone with such an intense belief in another person. Even after everything that you two must have been through, he still thinks that you will always be there for him. And, of course, he knows he will always be there for you.”

“And mine? What does my soul tell you?” Bucky asked, his voice hard to read. Somehow, in an incredible show of self discipline, he managed to keep his emotions spilling out from his soul and you struggled to read him. That in itself told you what you needed to know, though; he desperately wanted what you were saying to be true. He just thought that, after everything he’d done, he no longer deserved that kind of faith.

“It tells me that Steve is right to believe in you.” Tilting your head slightly to the side as you studied his soul, you found yourself mumbling, “You’d tear down an entire civilisation for someone you care about. You’d enjoy it even more if they were there, fighting by your side. Oh, you really would like that, wouldn’t you? Wow, that is a strong emotion.”

You bolted up right, embarrassed that you’d been voicing your thoughts on what you could see. Normally, those were the sort of processes and deductions you internalised but they’d slipped out. However, Bucky didn’t seem too bothered by it. In fact, he seemed completely enthralled by your description of him. “How can you know that? What gives it away?”

For the next few hours, you sat explaining the intricacies of your powers to Bucky. He absorbed every single word you said, each description of his soul making it burn brighter than before. Sometimes it took a while for you to find the words to best express what you could see but he waited patiently, almost excitedly, giving you all the time you needed.

“What about your soul, Y/N?” he asked, placing a plate on your lap and another cup of coffee on the floor beside your feet.

“For a long time, I had no idea. Occasionally I could see wisps of my soul mixing with Loki’s but the first time I truly saw it was in… uh, was just over a month ago.” You picked up the sandwich from your lap and took a bite, letting your eyes drift away from Bucky for the first time in hours.

“Can you see it all the time?” Bucky asked, moving the conversation away from where it was heading. The way you’d crossed your ankles and brought your arms in tight against your body were obvious indications to him that you weren’t ready to talk about it yet. “Wouldn’t it get in the way of other souls?”

You gave him a small smile, wordless thanking him to redirecting the discussion. “It’s only there if I want it to be. It’s just a silver tinge but it’s there. When no one else is around, I call it up to keep me from being in darkness. God, I miss real darkness. Even when I close my eyes it’s just moving shadows. Shades of grey permanently swishing in every direction. I wish, for one moment, I could see nothing again. True black.”

“Have you tried a blindfold?” Bucky asked.

“I… No? Even if that had crossed my mind - which, by the way, it hadn’t - I could hardly ask someone to blindfold me!” you exclaimed. You couldn’t quite believe the strange turn this had taken but what made it all the funnier was that Bucky seemed to be completely serious. He could legitimately see no reason why you shouldn’t ask someone to blindfold you.

“Why not? Surely it couldn’t hurt to try?”

“I guess not,” you agreed. “Don’t suppose you’d have one lying around, would you?”

A quiet laugh escaped Bucky’s lips, the first real one you’d heard from him. It was deep and warm and sort of melted away leaving the air between you feeling like a comfy blanket. “Hardly an essential item when in hiding, doll. We could always rip up an old shirt instead?”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that, Bucky! Forget it, it really doesn’t matter. I was just joking!” Your refusal seemed to have the opposite effect and you soon heard the sound of tearing fabric from the other side of the room. Burying your head in your hands, you muttered a prayer for the destroyed shirt.

“Head up,” Bucky said, standing behind you.

Doing as he said, you tried to relax when you felt him rest the soft fabric over your face but couldn’t help being tense. He immediately pulled the makeshift blindfold away and perched himself on the tattered arm of the sofa. You turned to face him and apologised, “I’m sorry. I trust you won’t hurt me but I’m just…”

“You don’t need to explain, Y/N. I understand. I really do.”

“Thank you,” you breathed. “Can we try again?”

“Of course.”

You turned your head once again and forced yourself to stay calm. Once you’d gotten over that initial hurdle of feeling the fabric over your eyes, it actually got easier. Bucky’s fingers barely brushed your skin - when they did, you were surprised to feel one hand considerably colder than the other - before he carefully tied a note at the back of your head.

He gently twisted you back around, stepping up from the sofa and resting you comfortably in the cushions. The whole time, he constantly checked that you were alright and not about to panic on him. Eventually sure that you were comfy, he once again took a seat in his deck chair and asked, “How’s it feel?”

Honestly, you were on the brink of tears. You had thought that you’d never see such pure darkness ever again in your life. Normally when you thought of the pitch black, all that came to mind was the cold void of a soul of your kidnapper. But right now, with the warmth of Bucky’s soul nearby, the sense of complete and utter protection and safety that he projected, that felt so far away.

“It’s beautiful,” you said, leaning back into the sofa and letting the darkness consume you.


	20. Chapter 20

A cold hand shook your shoulder, frantically trying to pull you from your nightmares. Bucky’s tender voice was laced with worry. “Y/N? Wake up, doll. It’s going to be alright.”

You clawed at his arms and pushed him away, fighting an enemy that you knew, deep down, wasn’t really there. However, as you’d noted before, Bucky was far stronger than you and simply knelt down by the sofa, holding you down - gently but firmly - by your shoulders. Fighting against that was useless but it didn’t stop you from trying.

"Come on, Y/N. I won’t hurt you.“ He caught your hand as you moved to fend off an imaginary attack. Even when you kicked him in the chest, Bucky refused to release hold. "I’m not going to let go until you calm down, doll, but if you keep fighting you’ll only hurt yourself.”

Your mumbling died away and you slowly opened your eyes. Bucky let out a sigh of relief, giving you a sad smile even though he knew you wouldn’t be able to see. He understood just how terrible nightmares could be; it was why he rarely ever slept nowadays.

He let go of your hand and went to move away, but you clumsily caught his arm and whispered, “Is Loki okay?”

"Yes, he is,“ Bucky replied automatically, despite knowing neither who Loki was or whether he was actually okay. He perched on the edge of the cushions, carefully brushing the hair from where it stuck to your sweaty face. "Tell me about him.”

You shook your head, mainly because you didn’t know how to describe Loki. He was so many things and there were no words that could even begin to explain what you felt for him. “I love him so much,” you croaked, the sentiment catching in your throat as your heart threatened to burst from your chest. “I can’t lose him.”

"It’s going to be alright, Y/N.“

"I could have killed him. I almost did!” You buried your head in the pillow, wanting the numb ache in your chest to fade away. “He was only trying to protect me and I lashed out at him. Why would I do that? I knew he wouldn’t hurt me.”

Bucky grabbed your wrist, holding it tightly. “Hey, don’t do that. You’ll draw blood if you keep going.”

It took you a moment to realise what he was trying to say. A sharp stabbing sensation shot up your arm and you clenched your fist tight, trying to breathe through the pain. You looked down at your arm and saw the fading wisps of a burning black ribbon.

"No!“ you hissed, your entire body shaking violently at the sight of the tightening coil of darkness. Despite Bucky trying to stop you, you frantically clawed at the ribbons with your other hand in a desperate attempt to break them. It made no difference; in fact it only seemed to make them more intense. "He said I’d be free! He said… He told me…”

Bucky literally had to pin you down with his entire weight to stop you from tearing your skin off. “Y/N!” he growled, breathing heavily as he fought against your thrashing limbs. He didn’t want to hurt you but his instincts were telling him that you were currently a threat. Attempting to keep a peaceful voice - failing miserably - he ordered, “You need to tell me what you see.”

"He marked me!“ you screamed, barely able to hear your own words over the pounding of blood in your ears. As the burning ribbon blistered your skin, the hammering intensified in your skill and all you wanted was for the pain to end. "Make it stop!”

"Listen to me, Y/N,“ Bucky breathed, his strength failing at the sight of you losing your mind before his eyes. He wrapped his hand carefully around your wrist, the cold touch seemingly calming you for a moment. "You can make it go away. You have the power to make it stop.”

Taking strength from his soul, the brilliant purple flame flickering slightly, you looked inward, searching for your own light. A silver shimmer began to tint your vision until it became so bright that it hid the darkness. Tears spilled from your eyes as you were embraced by those familiar green swirls; the part of Loki’s heart and soul that you held with your own, keeping you safe from afar.

Bucky said nothing, simply offered a tissue and went to make you something for breakfast. All the time he spent rustling up food, he kept looking back over his shoulder at you. When he sat back down on the floor by your side, offering coffee and burnt toast, he said, “You’re strong, Y/N.”

"I don’t feel like it,“ you muttered, finding the plate with your fingers and pushing it away. You weren’t hungry. "I feel like I’m about to break into a million pieces. How do you do it, Bucky? How can you escape the past when there is always a mark there to remind you what you’ve done? I guess that’s hard to understand.”

He laughed before he could stop himself, although it was harsh and so unlike the warm laugh from yesterday. “Trust me. I understand.”

"How? How could you possibly know?“

"My arm, Y/N. I lost it when I fell from a train.”

"You fell out a train?“ you asked incredulously. Not waiting for an answer, drawing your knees up to your chest and making room for him to sit by your feet, you stated almost obviously, "You have both arms, though.”

He muttered thanks, silently grateful to get off of the uncomfy floor. You watched as the purple flame of his soul began to flutter, dimming to almost grey as a myriad of negative emotions filled his chest. “They made me a new one of metal. They grafted it into my shoulder - so badly that I can’t move without it hurting - and then made me use it as a weapon. I look at it and see death. All the people that I killed.”

You cautiously stretched out your arm, surprised when he rested his metal hand on your upturned palm. It was cold, colder than you’d realised from previous brushes with it, but you were unable imagine that anything capable of such a hesitant movement could kill someone. “Thank you, Bucky.”

"What for?“

"Burning my toast. Making me coffee - lots of coffee. Helping me when you had absolutely no reason to.” You felt him shy away but held his hand tightly to stop him pulling back. As much as you knew he didn’t want to hear words of kindness, you couldn’t help yourself. “I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, Bucky, I really am.”

"It’s not your fault.“

"I know. It’s not your fault, either.” Even though you were unable to see it, you just knew that a thin smirk now graced the edges of his lips. You kicked your leg out, your foot smacking him in the chest as you said, “Don’t say it.”

Relief flooded you as Bucky’s soul returned to its normal state, the bright purple flame filling your vision and warming the room. “You can’t tell me to let it go if you won’t do the same, doll.”

You were going to argue that letting go wasn’t quite what you’d meant but it was clear he already knew that and was just teasing you. You both knew that it wasn’t going to be easy returning to a normal life. Trauma didn’t just disappear because you wanted it to.

"Tell me about them,“ Bucky said. No explanation was necessary to work out who he was talking about. "Only if you want to, though.”

"Aliana was like me. She could see souls but somehow it twisted her. Instead of admiring the beauty, she used it as a weapon. That’s what they taught me to do. The other man, the one who took me in the first place, the one that marked me…“

Bucky shook his head and interrupted, "What was his name?” When you shrugged, he continued, “You should give him one. Take away his anonymity and turn him into something flesh and blood. Men are far easier to kill than an idea.”

As strange as it was, you could completely understand his logic. However actually coming up with a name for the monster in your nightmares was no easy feat. There could be no name in the entire world suitable for naming such evil.

Recognising your struggle, Bucky suggested, “Don’t think about it too hard. The point is to make the nightmare as unassuming as possible. Use the most average, boring name you can think of.”

"Jeff,“ you blurted out, not entirely sure why that particular name had popped into your head. Bucky was right, though. Although you were now praying for the poor soul of every man named Jeff, the memories of your kidnapper suddenly felt more solid. Like something you could eventually push past.

”Jeff,“ the super soldier repeated, letting the name fall from his lips as he tested it out. You had to hold back a giggle when he said, in all seriousness, "That sounds perfectly pathetic. Good. So, tell me about Jeff. Could he see souls too?”

"I don’t know. Aliana conducted the lessons but he was always there, watching on from the sidelines. He… Jeff…“ You couldn’t stop the smile on your face, no longer able to hold back your laughter. "I’m sorry, I can’t call him Jeff. It just feels ridiculous.”

Bucky smiled back. It had taken him months to even think about trying to fight his demons - and there were certainly plenty that he still hadn’t yet faced - but to see you taking the first step so soon filled him with hope for you both. “I know, doll. When do you want to go back to the Tower?”

The randomness of the question threw you a little and it took a moment to come up with an answer. “Have you had enough of me, already?”

"Of course not, Y/N.“ He leant forward and touched your foreheads together, his metal hand stroking your hair. You found yourself subconsciously pulling on his soul, drawing on the vibes of comfort and calm that it exuded. That wasn’t to say his soul was pure; Bucky was more damaged than any other person you’d ever come across but somehow he had found - or was, at least, in the process of finding - peace.

Opening up your senses even further, you suddenly realised why you felt so relaxed around the soldier. He wasn’t scared. Not scared of you. Not scared for you. Even though you were blind, he still treated you like any other person. You hadn’t realised just how much you’d needed that after being coddled by the Avengers all week.

You allowed yourself one more moment of peace before opening your eyes and leaning back. For the briefest second, you were sure that you could see the outline of Bucky’s face but it vanished as quickly as it had appeared. It was probably just your imagination conjuring pictures amidst the deep purple flame of his soul.

With a sigh, Bucky said, "I just think that you need to go back to your family. They will support you far better than I can. And you need to check on Loki.”

The mention of Loki caused a tightness to take a hold of your heart, reminding you of what you truly had to lose. “Oh, you have helped, Bucky! I’m just sorry that I haven’t returned the favour. I told Steve I’d help you but all I’ve done is talk and be a burden on you. I’m sorry.”

"Don’t be sorry, doll. Steve was right to introduce us; you don’t know how long it has been since I felt comfortable enough with someone not to hide my arm.“

"That’s only because I’m blind,” you pointed out. “No need to hide something from a woman that can’t see.”

Bucky shook his head. Maybe it had been true in that first moment after you’d told him you were blind but all the time since then… You’d made him feel like he was worth more than his past. In helping you, he’d caught a glimpse of the man he used to be. The one he wanted to get back to more than anything else in the world. “Maybe I could… Do you think that I could come back to the Tower with you?”

"Yes,“ you said immediately and without hesitation. After everything he’d done for you in the past few days, there was no way that you would ever refuse him. Noting the shimmer around the edge of his soul, you added with an almost knowing smile, "I’m sure that Cap would be very happy to see you again, too.”

"Don’t be an ass,“ he groaned, elbowing you in the side. "When would you like to leave?”

"Now,“ you decided. It would hurt, you knew, but it was time. No more secrets and no more lies. You were going to tell Tony everything.


	21. Chapter 21

By the time you finally made it back to the Tower, you were thoroughly soaked. You were beginning to think that the universe had it in for you; after everything you’d been through, it clearly thought that wasn’t enough suffering and made sure that you and Bucky were caught out in the worst storm that the country had seen for over a decade.

Dripping wet, shivering from your core, it was only Bucky’s warm body beside yours that stopped you from collapsing. His arm rested tightly around your waist, both to guide you and hold you up on your shaking legs. You were grateful for his help, knowing that you would never have made it back without him.

"JARVIS?“ you whispered as the doors to the lift closed behind you and Bucky. The soldier was understandably confused by the fact that you were talking to an empty space but didn’t say anything. “Is anyone awake?”

"Welcome back, miss Stark,“ the AI replied, causing Bucky to jump beside you.

You reached out to his hand and squeezed it gently, letting him know that everything was okay. He was just as nervous, if not considerably more so, than you about being here. For all Bucky knew, the other Avengers would simply lock him up because of his past actions. You’d told him before that they wouldn’t - that both you and Steve would willingly testify to his character - but it hadn’t seemed to quell the fear.

Unable to hide the annoyance in your voice, you said, "JARVIS, you didn’t answer my question. Is anyone awake?”

"Could you be more specific, miss? Are you asking if anyone in the building is awake or on a more general basis?“

"JARVIS…” you growled. You were too cold and too tired to deal with his trying personality today. Clenching your hands into fists, you tried to slow your breathing so to stop yourself from threatening to recode his programme. “You know exactly what I meant. Are any of the Avengers awake? And if you try to deflect my question one more time, I will go down to the main core of the building and destroy each and every one of your processing units.”

Bucky turned his head towards you, simultaneous impressed and unsettled by the fact you were threatening a disembodied computer system. You flashed him a wicked smile before demanding that JARVIS answered you. However before he could, the doors to the lift opened and you got your answer.

The entire team were sat silently in the common room, their undivided attention towards you and Bucky. You lifted a hand and gave them a timid wave, resisting the urge to close the lift doors and go back outside to face the raging storm. Your voice far more stable than you felt inside, you muttered, “Hey, guys…”

No one wanted to be the first to move but it was Loki that eventually stepped forward. You met him halfway, grateful not to have tripped over in the process, and wrapped your arms around him so tightly that he had to remind you of his need to breathe. Immediately loosening your grip, you tried to pull away but he refused to let go.

When he finally leant back, he held your face in his hands and placed a deep kiss on your lips. Your fingers traced the line of his strong arms before sliding up the back of his neck and tangling themselves in his hair. Burying your face in his neck, you practically crumbled. “I’m so sorry, Loki. I didn’t mean what I said. I’d never wanted to hurt you but I did. I’m sorry that I left you and if I hurt you it was never my intention and… I’m just so sorry.”

He brushed the tears from your cheeks and rested his forehead against yours. The gentle movement of his hand rubbing circles on your back calmed you until your breathing finally slowed. Loki placed a brief kiss on the end of your nose and said, “Stop apologising, Y/N. You’re back. That’s all that matters.”

"You’re angry.“ The words were barely a whisper but seemed to echo in the heavy silence. You wanted nothing more than to reach out to the burning red ribbons and take away his pain - pain that you had caused - but Loki was already pulling away. You tried to find his hands, to keep a hold of him and try to make it better, but he slipped away like sand through an hourglass. 

Before you could do anything rash, you felt a hand on your back - Bucky - guiding you towards the centre of the common room and away from Loki. You wanted to protest, to follow Loki as he practically ran off down the hallway, but felt a growing numbness spreading through your body.

"Don’t worry, doll. He just needs a little time,” Bucky mumbled under his breath. His tone was firm but he only had your best interests at heart. “Take a deep breath and push it away. You can deal with him later. Right now, you have bigger problems to face.”

Even without reading their souls, you could tell that the Avengers were at the least unimpressed by the way Bucky seemed so comfortable and touchy-feeling with you (aside from Steve who was just surprised that the soldier trusted you enough to be that way). As such, under what you imagined to be intense glares, Bucky dropped his hand from you back. He did, however, stay close enough to you to guide you to a sofa.

A suffocating silence fell over the room as you studied the souls around you. Emotions ranged from relief that you were okay, suspicion towards the soldier and anger - although you couldn’t work out who that was directed towards. Your gaze fell on Tony, the only one in the room whose opinion truly mattered to you.

You tried a few times to come up with a way to explain everything yet no words seemed adequate. Biting your bottom lip as you tried to slow your mind from whizzing in every direction, blocking out everyone’s soul except your uncle’s, you finally just blurted out, “Tony, I’m blind.”

With that, everything came out. It was painful, so much so that it physically pained you. In fact, half way through your recollection, the black ribbons around your wrist burnt with such intensity that they actually manifested themselves in a way that the other Avengers could see them. It sent them into a mild frenzy, their earlier coldness towards you vanishing as they tried to alleviate the sting on your skin.

When you finally reached the end of your story, Tony crouched down in front of you and held your hands tightly in his. “Sweetie, you’ve been so brave but I wish you’d told me earlier. You shouldn’t have had to go through this alone.”

"I’ve not been alone. I’ve got… I had Loki. And Bucky.“ you pointed out carefully. Tony’s attention briefly shifted to the soldier, who had sat silently by your side since arriving in the Tower. To your surprise, your uncle thanked him for looking after you when he couldn’t.

You held back a sob, running your hands through the warm yellow mist of his soul. Your fingers tingled and your fears dimmed ever so slightly. His strength bled into you and for the first time in months you were reminded of how you used to liken his soul to a comfort blanket. Tony would always be there for you, no matter what.

Tony recognised the change in your posture and pulled you into a tight hug, just like he had used to do before you were taken. There was no holding back now, no fear that you would break in his arms.

"I should have told you straight away. I just wasn’t ready to face up to what I’d done…”

"It is not your fault, Y/N.“

"I know that. It doesn’t make it easier to think about but, well, I’ll get there.” You gave him a sad smile and sighed. It wouldn’t be easy but surely the worst had now passed. Suddenly feeling movement beside you, you felt your face lighten slightly as you asked, “Um, Tony, is it cool if Bucky stays here a while?”

The insinuation in his voice coming through loud and clear, your uncle replied, “You want him to stay with you?”

"No!“ You actually laughed at how aggressively that refusal came out. Nudging Bucky’s arm with your elbow, you held back a grin and said, "Sorry, Bucky. That sounds horrid, I didn’t mean it like that.”

"I know, doll,“ he smiled back.

Tony watched the interaction between you curiously, not quite able to work out how you had connected so quickly to the soldier. He shot a glance to Steve - stupidly thinking that just because you were blind that you wouldn’t notice the action. The Captain shrugged but was secretly overwhelmingly pleased about your new friendship. He was also incredibly excited to actually see Bucky again after so long, but he hid it well - even from you.

Turning back to your uncle, you explained, "Bucky’s just a friend, Tony. I just thought that the least we could do is offer him a room after the kindness he showed me. And the Tower smells an awful lot better than his flat…”

Bucky punched your arm before admitting, “Y/N’s right; The flat isn’t great. If you don’t want me to stay, though, I’ll go.”

"You can stay,“ came the reply, almost instantly. However, it came from Steve, not Tony. You actually had to bury your head in your hands to stop from staring at the way their souls flared around each other. There was such a bond between them and now that they were together again it was clear neither wanted to leave the other.

Unable to formulate a response to what was happening around him, Tony decided to completely ignore the super soldiers and placed his hands on your knees. "God, sweetie, you’re freezing. Go get warmed up and change into something clean - this looks like you’ve been in it for days.” Lowering his voice, he added, “Run away now before they jump each other. Do you need help getting to your room?”

You shook your head, knowing that JARVIS could guide you (although after your earlier threats you weren’t entirely convinced that he would help), but changed your mind when you realised just how desperately Tony wanted a reason to escape too. With a smile, you noted that Natasha, Clint and Thor had all made a sneaky exit and knew how unfair it would be to leave Tony third-wheeling.

"You know, actually, I could use a hand…“

***

"Loki, I know you’re awake. Please let me in.”

You heard the door click open and almost broke down at the sight of Loki’s soul. The ribbons normally so vibrant around you were dim and, even when you tried to reach out to touch them, they stubbornly refused to come to you.

"I’d rather not do this right now, Y/N.“ Loki’s voice was so harsh that it felt like sandpaper on your skin. Never had he spoken to you in such a way before. He was already starting to close the door on you when he finally caught sight of your distraught face. Pausing for the briefest moment, he conceded, "We’ll talk about this later. Good night.”

With that, he shut the door in your face, leaving you standing dumbfounded in the corridor. JARVIS guided you back to your room and you fell onto your bed, finally letting the tears fall. Reaching out to your bedside table, knocking over a glass of water in the process, you grabbed the small plush tiger and held it tightly against your chest until you fell asleep.


	22. Chapter 22

"I come baring gifts.“

You wanted to shout at him for letting himself into your room again but couldn’t muster the strength. Really, you just didn’t want to be alone. Excitement filled your chest, though, when the scent of freshly baked cinnamon swirls wafted in your direction. It was so difficult not to throw back the covers and snatch the plate away.

"I knew these would get your attention,” Tony said, feeling very proud of himself as he stretched out next to you against the headboard of your bed. He balanced the plate of pastries on his legs and let the enticing smell fill the room, tempting you out of your cocoon.

You shuffled up and out from under the bed covers and snuggled up against Tony’s side. “Happy? I’m up. Give me one.”

"I forgot how snappy you could be in the mornings. Maybe I should come back later when you’ve woken up properly…“

"Sorry,” you said, bowing your head and pouting. “Please can I have one?”

Managing to eat five of the delicious pastries before starting to feel a little sick, you thanked Tony for the swirls and for also brushing away the many loose flakes that had fallen on to your blanket. Resting your head on his shoulder, you closed your eyes and told him to ask whatever it was that seemed to weigh so heavily on his mind.

Tony’s soul flared gold in amusement, impressed but not overly surprised that you had worked out the true reason for his visiting you. You thought that seeing the tiny golden flares burst from his outline would send you into panic, being so similar to Aliana’s soul, but they didn’t. Feeling his solid form by your side kept you grounded and reminded you that she couldn’t hurt you anymore.

"How blind is blind exactly? What caused it? Have you been unable to see this entire time? Was that why you didn’t enjoy the test flights? Do we need to get you a dog or a cane? Has it changed the way you see the souls? You don’t seem to be keeling over every time you look at one of us, so I’m assuming yes on that point.“

You couldn’t help but smile at the way he was babbling, blurting out all the things on his mind without actually giving you a chance to answer any of them. You held a finger to your lips and thanked each and every god that was listening that that had actually shut your uncle up.

Ticking the points off your fingers, you answered as quickly as he had fired out the questions, “Pretty complete blindness. I think fighting Aliana caused it. Since I woke up back here and yes - I wish I’d been able to see you crash and burn. I don’t like dogs and if you gave me a cane I’d hit you round the head with it every chance I got. And yes, it has changed everything.”

"Still so violent. I don’t really know where to start,“ Tony admitted, scratching the back of his head as he tried to think. "It’s an awful lot to process.”

"You’re telling me.“

"Oh, sweetie, I didn’t mean it like that. I can’t even imagine what it’s been like going through this…”

"I know. It’s okay. Well. No. It’s not okay but I’m home now and I know that you’re here for me.“ You gave him a smile, almost proud of yourself that you were capable of doing so without wanting to cry. However, your smile quickly faltered when you remembered the events of the previous evening. How the one person you’d thought would always be by your side had slammed a door in your face. "Loki’s angry with me.”

Tony nodded ever so slightly. There was no accusation in his voice when he explained but the words still stung - mainly because you knew they were true. “You used your powers against him, left him unconscious in the hallway and ran away with a stranger, leaving no explanation as to why you were going. When you returned with that same stranger, you looked pretty damn close.”

"Are you sure he’s angry about that? Bucky’s only a friend,“ you argued. "I love Loki.”

"We all know that, sweetie. He does too. Even without being able to see your heart and soul, it is pretty clear that they belong to Loki. Just give the man a little time to seethe. He’ll come running back to you soon enough.“ Tony placed a kiss on the top of your head before pulling away slightly and saying, "Whilst we are on the subject, I have a bone to pick with you.”

You felt your face crumple in confusion, wondering what on Earth fighting with Loki could have to do with Tony. “Go on?”

"That night after you’d disappeared with Cap’s long lost boyfriend, I was rudely woken up by your boyfriend’s brick shithouse of a brother.“

Ignoring the comment about Steve and Bucky, however close to the mark you thought it may have been, you said, "I’m not seeing how this is a problem, other than Thor being stupid enough to wake you in the middle of the night.”

"What if I told you that the god of thunder sleeps in the nude.“

"Oh, good god… Tony, why? That is not an image I ever needed in my brain!”

"It’s not an image I needed either, Y/N! Now it’s been permanently seared into my brain!“

Holding back hysterics had never been so difficult. The only response that you could think of was, "Maybe you shouldn’t have looked so closely, then!”

Understandably, Tony responded by whacking you in the face with a pillow.

***

"How can you actually like burnt toast?“ Bucky asked, handing over a mug of steaming tomato soup. He took a seat on the opposite side of the kitchen island to you, cradling his own cup of soup in his hands. "You don’t even eat it slightly burnt. It’s basically incinerated.”

"Don’t be so dramatic,“ you said, rolling your eyes. "It just has more flavour. Anyway, you’re one to talk. I smelt some of the things in your kitchen. My slightly overcooked toast has nothing on those horrors.”

Bucky raised his eyebrows at that, clearly unconvinced. “Only slightly overcooked?”

"Shut up, Bucky,“ you groaned, resisting the urge to hurl your soup at him. He was almost as infuriating as Tony but with nothing else in reach to throw - and the soup far too good to waste - you had to settle on shooting him an evil glare instead. "So, how did it go last night with the Cap?”

Bucky apparently had no qualms in wasting soup, although he stopped himself at the last moment. You knew that you were failing to hide the grin on your face, unable to do anything other than smile at the way his soul shone incandescently at the mere mention of Steve.

"I’m sorry,“ you laughed, your face warming up in embarrassment. You knew you shouldn’t pry but it was almost impossible not to make assumptions from what you could sense. Stretching a hand out across the island, you motioned for Bucky to place a hand in your open palm. Closing your fingers around his metal hand, you said, "If I could show you what I see, would you want to see it?”

His intrigue literally rolled off of him in waves and you knew you had your answer. In all honesty, even though you weren’t convinced that this would actually work at all, you still wanted to try. You weren’t sure why you’d chosen Bucky to be your guinea pig but you had and were determined to succeed - and Stark blood was, if nothing else, certainly stubborn.

"Okay, close your eyes,“ you told him. It was difficult, near impossible in fact, to find the words to explain what you needed Bucky to do and you found yourself tapping your fingers against the back of his metal hand while you thought.

"It’s a little hard to focus with you constantly tapping my hand, doll.”

"Sorry,“ you whispered, moving to pull away and end the experiment but paused when you felt a tingling in your palm. "Can you feel that too?”

Ignoring his reply, you focused all your attention on the growing fire in your hand. In your mind’s eye, you pictured the light spreading through your body, through Bucky’s body, until it filled you both completely. The soldier’s grip on your hand tightened as the spark shot up his arm, travelling through him until it finally came to rest in the centre of his chest.

"Open your eyes and think of Steve,“ you breathed, scared that saying anything else would break your control. You managed to sustain the vision for a few seconds but Bucky’s metal hand suddenly felt red hot and you sprung away, ripping your hand free.

Holding on to the edge of the island to stop yourself from shaking, you whimpered "Sorry, sorry. I’m fine. Are you okay?”

"You see that all the time?“ Bucky asked, rubbing his eyes. They felt utterly dry and he wanted to claw at them until the intense itching subsided. He held his hand up in front of his face, twisting it around in the air in the hope that he would be able to see the beautiful lights again. "That’s just… God, Y/N, that’s just… Thank you for sharing that with me.”

You leant over to meet Bucky in the middle of the island and let him pull you into an embrace. “I can’t believe that worked,” you confessed, leaning back with a ridiculous grin on your face. “Did you see? Did you see how it lights up?”

Bucky’s lack of verbal response told you all you needed to know. Still, the flame of his soul was burning brighter than you’d ever seen it before; empowered by the vision but also incredibly unnerved by what it truly meant to him.

"It’s alright, you know. I can say with certainty that your feelings are returned.“ You gave him a smile, wishing that he’d understand what you were trying not to say. It was hardly your place to tell him but, after all the kindness he’d shown you, Bucky deserved to know that Steve felt the same way about him. And, as insufferably cute as they’d be if they ever acted on their emotions, you thought both deserved a little happiness.

You suddenly whipped your head around towards the door, catching a glimpse of Loki’s shaking green ribbons as, without a word, he made a swift retreat from the kitchen.


	23. Chapter 23

Without a word to Bucky, you ran after the god, hissing when you tripped over a step and hit the floor. The shining swirls of green light momentarily stopped in their tracks, even in anger needing to know that you weren’t injured.

Lifting your head, you begged, “Please, Loki. You have to let me explain.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Y/N.”

“For god sake, Loki! Stop being such as ass and listen to me!” you screamed, pushing yourself to your feet and storming towards him. You went to grab the god’s hand but he stopped you, instead tossing you aside. A grunt escaped your lips as you hit the solid surface. If not for Loki pressing your shoulders back against the wall, you would certainly have fallen to the ground.

Looming above you like a dark shadow, Loki pressed his body against yours and growled, “No, Y/N. You listen to me. I don’t care. Just leave me alone.”

“Why are you being this way?” you asked, breathing heavily as he held you back. You couldn’t be certain but it felt like his hands were shaking on your shoulders and you wondered if it was out of anger or fear. “Stop being so damn stubborn and talk to me!”

“I’ve already told you, I have nothing to say to you.”

You couldn’t help it; the anger inside you was rising too quickly and, without thinking, you slapped Loki. For a long moment you were both too stunned to speak but, somewhat thankfully in your opinion, it was your voice that returned first. “If you don’t want to talk, fine. But you are going to listen to what I have to say.”

Loki gave a sharp nod, still practically speechless, and you felt his grip on your shoulders loosening ever so slightly.

As emphatically as you could, you said, “There is nothing going on between me and Bucky.”

“You’re happier now he’s here,” Loki replied, so quietly that you half thought you’d imagined the words. His released you from his grip entirely and leant backwards, creating a space between you that seemed to span the breadth of the universe.

“Oh, Loki, no,” you whispered. Wrapping your arms around Loki’s neck, you laced your fingers through his silky black hair and tugged the god down to your lips.

Drawing on your powers, you sent a wave of energy through the kiss. Loki stiffened as the tingle spread through his body and you finally let him step away. A mix of mild panic and intrigue in his voice, he asked, “What… What is this?”

“Our souls,” you answered, your eyes closed as you focused on keeping up the beautiful manifestations. “Look at them, Loki. Properly look at them. Please. They’re yours and mine. Separate but forever together. Everywhere I am, even when I was alone in that compound, there’s a part of your soul with me. No one else is so important that I carry them with me. No one makes me happier than you.”

Loki went to touch the swirling bands of light, tried to grasp at the silver fog that surrounded you both, but they faded as his hand passed through. The sadness in his words was almost as palpable to you as the souls were. “It’s an illusion.”

Lifting your hand to his face, you stroked his cheek as you let go of the power. “Maybe for you but it’s all I’ve got left. And I can see so much more now. I’m so sorry if it looked like something was going on between Bucky and I. There will never be anything more than friendship between us, I swear. He just understands what I’ve been through.”

“And do I not understand?” Loki asked, his entire body tensing up. You could hear the strain in his voice as he questioned, “Are my own experiences not enough to earn me the same trust you allow him?”

You suddenly realised how stupid you’d been. It wasn’t that you’d grown close to Bucky; although it was clear your closeness had made him jealous. Loki wasn’t even that upset that you’d turned your powers on him; not since everyone he’d ever loved had at some point also done the same. No. What truly hurt him was that, in his eyes, you’d not trusted him enough to help you through your worst.

“Of course I trust you, Loki. Of course I do. I’d trust you with my life. I just wasn’t ready to talk about everything with you. Or anyone. When I told you that I was blind, it almost broke you. I had to pull the darkness from your soul and I couldn’t bear to do that again. I needed to get out of the Tower and just think.”

You rested your forehead against his, closing your eyes and breathing deeply. You were hanging on to him for dear life, scared to let go. When Loki slid a hand down to the small of your back, resting reassuringly as he calmed down, you almost stopped talking but knew there was still more to say.

Focusing your attention on the swirling ribbons, now no longer afraid to open yourself to their warm and gentle touch, you said, “I know you’ve been through terrible things, Loki. It was selfish of me to think only of how hard it would be for me, should my ordeal remind you of yours. My heart couldn’t have taken it but I’ve ended up doing the very thing I meant to avoid. I’m so sorry, Loki.”

“Oh, my love. Please, don’t cry,” he said, wiping away a lone tear from your face. “I should apologise too. I have been incredibly rude to you.”

You lowered your head to your chest, closing your eyes in sadness. You sunk to the floor, sliding out of Loki’s arms and down against the hallway wall. “I deserved it.”

“No, darling, you did not. You deserve so much better. My sweet Y/N,” Loki whispered, crouching down before gently tilting your chin upwards. He planted a feather light kiss on your forehead, then your nose and finally your lips. “I wish you’d look me in the eyes again.”

“I can’t.” The simple words came out almost as a sob and buried your face in your hands to hide the tears. “I wish I could but pretending to be able to see you hurts too much. My memories are fading. I can’t remember your face.”

Loki once again lifted your face and cupped it tightly. His thumbs stroked your cheeks, brushing the trail of tears away and holding you still until your breathing slowed. He sat with his legs outside yours, the god almost wrapping himself around you to provide a barrier against the rest of the world.

“Shh,” Loki implored, cutting off whatever question you were about to ask as he placed a hand on the top of your head. “Trust me.”

The god breathed deeply and time seemed to slow. As the air began to tingle, it was almost impossible not to gasp at the way his soul sparkled. You’d never seen anything like it; the bands of light glittered like diamonds and shone brighter than ever before. The urge to reach out and touch the shining swirls was overwhelming but you the world around you suddenly changed and Loki’s soul vanished.

For a brief moment, you were overcome with panic. Everything was dark and you had no idea which way was up or which way was down. It felt as if you were falling into a never ending pit. A cold realisation that you may never escape washed over you, reminding you far too closely of the torture you’d experienced in the bunker.

However, as quickly as those feelings had emerged, they faded away and something warmer, brighter took their place. A memory formed around you, as physical as the real world itself.

Your legs hung over the roof edge on the top of the Tower, looking out over the most beautiful sunset you’d ever seen. It wasn’t like normal; there were no deep reds and oranges. Today, the sky shone with every imaginable shade of pink and purple, light and calming. A peaceful end to the day.

You had tried to photograph it to preserve the memory forever but the photo did no justice to the wonder. It couldn’t capture the soft tingling of the sunrays on your skin or gentle breeze in the air. Instead, you simply leant back and watched as the sun began its descent across the horizon.

“How long have you been standing there?” you asked, hearing the faint call of Loki’s soul. Twisting your head around to face him, you saw him leaning against the rooftop door, gazing at you with wonder in his eyes. You turned your head away in embarrassment, feeling almost undeserving of such adoration.

Loki sat down beside you, lacing his fingers through yours. “Long enough. You looked so calm, though. I didn’t want to interrupt that. I know the last few days have been hard. You deserved a moment of peace.”

“My grip on the souls is fading,” you sighed. Looking down over the city, where once you’d been able to see and feel the pull of every single person, there was now nothing. Even around the Avengers, heroes with the strongest souls you’d ever come across, it was becoming harder and harder to pick them out.

That emptiness, combined with the overall feeling that something just wasn’t right in the Tower, had had you on edge for weeks. With each passing day that dark niggling in the corner of your mind only seemed to get stronger and it was taking its toll. “I hate it. I wish Tony had never finished these stupid glasses.”

“My darling,” Loki said, brushing his fingers along your cheeks and turning your face towards him. In this light, you were struck by just how gorgeous he was. Of course, you’d known that already, but there was something about the way he looked right then that you knew you could never forget.

Against the pastel sunset, Loki’s strong lines and dark features were so much more dramatic. His eyes twinkled brighter than the sun, burning with a passion strong enough to slay one hundred armies. He looked every inch the god you knew him to be.

No matter how tightly you tried to hold on to the images, the memory began to fade away. With a sharp jolt you bounced back into your body, surrounded once again by the darkness you’d come to know. The sparkling ribbons of Loki’s soul dimmed slightly as he released his magic but, amidst the bright light, you were sure that you could see the outline of his physical body. It was enough to make you weep.

“Y/N, please. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

You pulled the god into a tight embrace, burying your face against his neck. “I’m not sad,” you mumbled, relaxing into him as he gently stroked the back of your head. “Thank you for showing me that memory. I’d almost forgotten how beautiful the world could be.”

“No matter how much time passes, our happiest memories always remain. Buried deep but always there. Whenever you need to remember, darling, I will help you.”

“I love you,” you said, brushing a kiss against his lips. When you pulled away, you noticed a strange tint to his soul and, for the first time in months, you had no idea what it was trying to tell you. You wrapped the ribbons around your fingers and pulled them close to your chest but it made little difference. Still studying the rippling strands of light, you asked, “Loki, are you alright? Please, talk to me.”

“Oh, my darling. My sweet, wonderful, brave, Y/N,” Loki marvelled, wrapping you in his arms and squeezing you tightly. Happiness now spilled from him, so strong that it almost made you feel dizzy.

You gripped his arms, half to ground yourself amid the headiness of his soul and half to stop him from jumping to his feet and dancing. Still, his excitement seeped into your body and you couldn’t stop from smiling. “Calm down, Loki! You soul is sending my mind into overdrive! Now, please, tell me why you’re so happy.”

“You love me.”

“Well, of course I do,” you said, frowning. “Of course I love you, Loki. I don’t understand why this is such news to you. I love you more than anyone else in the world.”

Loki cut off your sentiments with a hungry, passionate kiss, lifting you effortlessly into his lap. Suddenly immensely serious, the god whispered, “I feared I’d never hear you say those words again. You’ve withheld them ever since we rescued you from the bunker. I thought… After all you went through… You pulled away from us and then you left… I thought perhaps you no longer felt the same way as you did before.”

“Oh, Loki… I’ve been unsure of many things recently but never did I question this.”

Before he could respond, you heard an awkward cough from around the corner of the hallway. Wiggling out of Loki’s grasp, allowing him to help you quickly to your feet, you turned to the source of the interruption. “Um, hi, Bruce… Is everything okay?”

“Well, I’m not quite sure how to tell you this, Y/N. Maybe you should come down to the lab.”

Panic flared through your body and you found your body preparing to make a sprint. “Is Tony alright? Is he hurt?”

“No! No, Tony’s fine. We’ve been using the lab as a central hub for a mission and think we may have finally made a breakthrough. Why don’t you come with me. Someone else might be able to explain a little better than me.”

“Bruce,” you growled. You felt Loki lace his fingers through yours in support, although the action did little to calm you. “Just tell me.”

“The man that took you, Y/N. He escaped when we broke you out of that compound but we think we’ve found him. We finally know who he is.”


	24. Chapter 24

There were so many voices, all telling you variations of the same thing - breathe, calm down, it will be alright, you’re safe here - but you couldn’t hear them. Their words felt distant and hollow. For all of their promises, you knew there was no safety. Not from him. He was free. He would be coming for you.

"Sweetie, please look at me.“ Tony wrapped a blanket around your shoulders and fluffed up a few of the cushions behind you, trying to make you comfortable. You jumped backwards when he reached for your hand, curling your knees to your chest to make yourself as small as possible.

"This whole time…” you whispered, hardly recognising your own voice. It was cold and harsh, full of dangerous emotions. Scrunching your fists closed, half in anger and half to protect the team from the dark powers stirring within your chest, you continued, “Ever since you rescued me… He has been alive and on the loose? And you didn’t tell me?”

"Y/N, let your uncle explain,“ Natasha said from across the room, looking up from the files that she and Steve were currently pouring over. "We had our reasons.”

"I don’t care about your reasons!“ you screamed, a burning heat spreading through your chest. A bright red flash of light filled your vision and then the sound of shattering glass echoed throughout the lab. Completely frozen in panic over what you’d just done, you repeated over and over, "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry.”

Loki was the first to recover from the shock, the first to reach your side. Even as he held you tightly in his arms, as he told you everyone was okay and no one had been hurt, you still couldn’t stop mumbling. Your mind was whizzing, practically burning from the inside out as the possibilities of what could have happened overrode your higher thoughts.

The god leant forward, his mouth hovering right by your ear. His hand rested on your cheek, gently preventing you from pulling away, and Loki whispered, “Y/N, my love… Tell me about the first night we met.”

"What?“ you asked. "Wh… Why?”

"Just humour me. Please?“ Sensing your fear returning as you opened yourself up to the souls of the others in the room, Loki placed a kiss on your neck and said more forcibly, "Darling, block it out. Focus on me. Y/N, tell me about the first time we met. The party.”

Your hands were trembling in your lap as you muttered, between shaking breaths, “I spent the whole night watching you among the crowd. I tried to ignore it but your soul kept calling out. I was so glad when you finally came over.”

Loki grinned against your cheek and you closed your eyes, listening to the gentle rhythm of his breathing. “I remember it slightly differently. I do believe that you told me you’d rather be alone. You were quite rude, my darling. And then you practically ran away from me.”

"If I was so rude, why did you come to find me after the party?“

"Because, beneath the beautiful dress and the attitude, you were sad and lonely like me and I thought I could make you better.” Loki readjusted the blanket around your shoulders, pulling it up where it had fallen down. He noted with relief that you had stopped shaking but wasn’t ready to let go of you quite yet.

"I’m glad you did,“ you sighed, wrapping your arms around him. Loki kept a hand on your back when you finally pulled away and you snuggled against his side, resting your head on his shoulder. Keeping your gaze away from the Avengers, unable to ignore the niggling feeling of betrayal in your gut - even if they’d only kept the secret to keep you safe - you whispered, "Tell me.”

Bruce and Tony pulled up two stools and sat themselves in front of the sofa where you and Loki were curled up. Neither wanted to be the one to start but, in the end, it was your uncle broke the silence. “I’m sorry we didn’t… I didn’t tell you before, sweetie.”

"Just tell me who he is, Tony. I need to know.“

"Nat found mention of him on an old, corrupted HYDRA record. Almost none of the data was recoverable but she found a name: Gottfried.”

"What else do you know about him?“ Loki asked, playing with a loose strand of your hair. He placed a kiss on the top of your head and muttered, "You’re doing great, Y/N. I’m right here.”

Grabbing a thin file from the bench behind him, Bruce flicked through the pages and quickly summed up, “Nothing. We’ve got nothing on him. According to official records - which, by the way, don’t technically exist - Dr. Gottfried died fifteen years ago. He lived in Germany for a while and then when he moved to the US he vanished off the face of the Earth.”

"Where’s Bucky?“ you asked, interrupting the mild mannered scientist.

"Upstairs, I suppose,” Tony replied, almost dismissively. “A lot of the equipment and information in here is sensitive. He hasn’t been cleared to see it. This also has nothing to do with him.”

Steve’s attention was now fully directed on you and he clearly disagreed with the decision to not allow Bucky access to the lab. The Captain seemed ready to all but smack Tony for suggesting that his friend couldn’t be trusted however he stayed back, simply listening with an incredible interest and a scowl on his face.

You sat up, sending a sympathetic glance in Steve’s direction. “Get Bucky down here, now.”

After much arguing, it was finally agreed that Bucky would be allowed into the lab so long as he came nowhere near the computers and work stations. You wanted to shake Tony until he realised how ridiculous he was being but decided to take what you could get.

When he finally made it down to the lab, you shuffled into Loki’s lap to make room for Bucky on the sofa. You rolled your head against the god’s chest, tracing random patterns on the back of his hand.

"Comfy?“ Bucky asked, the bright purple flame of his soul softening upon seeing you and Loki happily back together. The soldier groaned when you kicked him in the chest and threw his hands up in mock surrender. "Just saying, I told you it’d be alright.”

Resisting the urge to kick him again, knowing that no one in the lab - not even Steve, who was watching on in amusement - would stop you, you simply rolled your eyes and let Loki pull you tighter into his arms. “Shut up, soldier.”

"Sorry, doll. So, does anyone want to tell me why I’ve suddenly been allowed to join in?“

"It was my idea,” you said. “They’ve found him, Bucky.”

"Jeff?“

You had to bite down on your bottom lip to stop yourself from smiling. It was hardly the right time to be joking, especially about the monster that had abducted and tortured you, but you couldn’t quite hold back the grin. Steadying your voice, you corrected him, "Gottfried.”

The dark streak that shot through his soul told you everything you needed to know. “You’ve heard the name, haven’t you? Nat found it on an old HYDRA file. Can you tell us anything about him?”

"Gottfried was notoriously vicious. His experiments destroyed the lives of thousands of test subjects but that ruthlessness, supposedly in the name of science, earned him a lot of respect.“ Bucky ran his metal hand through his hair, letting out a deep sigh. "One of his experiments went too far, though. Those high up in HYDRA ordered his termination but he vanished - along with all of his notes and papers - before I could find him.”

"What sort of experiments did he run?“ Bruce asked.

Bucky shook his head, not knowing the answer. "Sorry, Banner. The information was classified and I didn’t need to know. It didn’t matter why he needed terminating, only that he did. That’s all I’ve got. Y/N, are you okay? This can’t be easy.”

"I’ll be fine,“ you mumbled, feeling as far from fine as you could possibly be. "What’s happening then? I assume that you wouldn’t have called me down here if you weren’t planning a mission. Are you going to bring him in?”

"That’s the plan,“ Steve answered. "We just… Well…”

"What the Cap is trying to say,“ Natasha took over, her soul blazing with determination. Her strength seemed to encourage the others in the lab, everyone sitting slightly taller than before. "Is that before we go in, we need to ask if there is anything we should be aware of. You know Gottfried better than the rest of us. Have you any idea of what he’s capable of?”

Digging your nails into the palm of your hand, you desperately fought away the darkness that had started to coil its way around your wrist and up your arm. The hope in the room was almost smothering as the Avengers waited for you to offer some wonderful piece of insight to help capture Gottfried. It made you feel like you were ready to throw up.

Swallowing deeply, you said, “I don’t think you should bring him in. If you find Gottfried, kill him.”

"Y/N, that’s not really how we operate…“ Natasha said slowly, turning to the others for support. "I know he put you through Hell but we can’t murder…”

"He. Is. Dangerous.“

"I understand what you’re saying, Y/N, but if we bring him in alive then he may…”

"You aren’t listening! He still has something planned and if you let him live people will die!“ you screamed, the black ribbons around your arm searing your skin. The burning pain was so intense that you reached out to the other souls in the room, frantically grabbing on to them like life lines. You had no idea whether or not it was a safe thing to do - it quickly became clear that it was in fact not safe when the Avengers started to fall to the ground, struggling to breathe - but you couldn’t release your hold.

Suddenly, though, the souls began fighting back.

Bright ribbons of every colour wrapped their way around your chest and neck, squeezing tighter and tighter. A circle of purple flames drew nearer, the heat of the fire more intense than anything you’d ever experienced before. Fighting against that smothering heat, sharp glass-like fragments cut your skin, sending ice cold jolts through your body. When a shining yellow mist descended, your brain could take no more and it all went dark.

***

"Shh, don’t panic, my love. You’re okay. We’re all okay. Everything is alright.” Loki took your face in his hands and held you still until your heart rate finally slowed. Placing a kiss on the end of your nose, he said, “It’s going to be fine.”

It was difficult to believe his comforting words. Your head was pounding worse than ever and the rest of your body felt as if you’d been hit by a truck. You were hyper aware of the way Loki’s soul brushed against your skin - the usually gentle touch now like sandpaper - and the slow burning of Bucky’s soul in the corner of the room.

You drew your legs up against your chest but Loki placed a hand on your knees, trying to stop you from drawing away from the world. With his free hand he stroked the side of your face, tracing the lines and hovering over your lips. “Darling,” he whispered. “Stay here with me. Please don’t pull away.”

"Do you want something to eat, doll?“ Bucky asked, hearing your stomach growl.

"No.”

"Coffee and some of those nice biscuits,“ Loki answered, knowing that these never failed to make you feel better. "The ones that Tony hides in the back of the cupboard.”

Just as Bucky left the room, you called out, “They’re under the sink now. He moved them last night.” Sensing the looks of amusement on the guys’ faces, you added, “Just because I’m blind doesn’t mean I can’t find his hiding places.”

"I’m sorry, Y/N. They left an hour ago,“ Loki told you, guessing what you were about to ask. He laced his fingers through yours and brought your hand to his lips, placing a kiss on each knuckle in turn. "It’s for the best. Gottfried might know how to reverse your blindness. And we still don’t know anything about this.”

You shuddered as he traced what you’d come to call the “vow lines” - the scars, burns and blisters caused whenever the black ribbons around your wrist flared up. The marks constantly itched now, no amount of medication able to alleviate it, but Loki’s gentle touch helped distract you for a few moments.

"He won’t help,“ you insisted, touching your wrists and grimacing as your fingers passed through the slimy shadows. "He’s got something else planned, Loki. I don’t know what but I’m scared it involves me. I made a deal with Gottfried. He marked me and I’ve no idea what this bond is capable of making me do…”

"We will make it through this, Y/N. Whatever he has planned, we will survive it.“

You felt Bucky’s soul nearing before he opened the door, carrying in the promised coffee and biscuits. However, he was nowhere near as excited about stealing Tony’s food as he had been before. Instead the soldier was riddled by anxiety. Awkwardly handing over the steaming mug, Bucky said, "I just got a message from Steve. They have him, Y/N. They’ve got Gottfried.”


	25. Chapter 25

The days that followed Gottfried’s capture were difficult for everyone.

According to Steve, who had been incredibly reluctant to tell you anything more than the most basic details, Gottfried had been taken to an undisclosed location for interrogation. The Captain had been on edge ever since he returned to the Tower and, although he wouldn’t say, you knew that Gottfried must have gotten to him somehow. For the past three days, Steve had locked himself away in the gym and refused to talk to anyone, even Bucky.

It had been no better for Clint or Natasha, either; they’d done nothing but argue after returning from their first interrogation of Gottfried. Whilst the pair fought often, this time it was different. Arrows had flown and knives had been thrown but, like Steve, neither had been willing to discuss what had happened in the cells to put them in such awful moods.

Of all the Avengers, it was Thor that fared best - but then he hadn’t actually spoken to Gottfried. The god had only been there in case of an emergency; he’d been the one to pull Clint and Natasha apart when they’d unexpectedly turned on each other. Back in the Tower, he was the only one carrying on with business as usual which pretty much consisted of training and then drinking the bar dry at the end of every day.

And then there was Tony who had, probably for the best, been forbidden from visiting Gottfried. He’d spent all week skulking around the Tower, getting in absolutely everyone’s way - yours specifically.

"Y/N, I…“

"For god sake, Tony, shut up!” you growled, closing your eyes as Loki absentmindedly stroked your hair. You were stretched out on one of the sofas in the common room, your head in his lap, pretending to watch a crappy film with Bucky and your uncle. In reality, you were just trying to keep yourself from falling into the vicious whirlpool of your thoughts.

"But Y/N…“

"I swear, if you even think of finishing that sentence, I will throw you out that window. I know that you want to go and see Gottfried but you can’t. Look at what he’s done to the others. Who knows what he will do to you if you go anywhere near him.”

You reached out and rested your hand on his head, knowing how annoyed he would get with you ruining his perfectly styled hairdo. That in itself was almost enough to improve your mood. Focusing on the swirling yellow mist around him, you removed the dark ‘anger’ spots from his soul and then widened the scope of your powers so Tony could see the light himself. When the yellow mist brightened, you knew it had worked and your uncle would be distracted by it for at least another ten minutes.

Unfortunately, less than five minutes later, you had no choice but to let go of your powers when your body went into a minor seizure. Loki eased you on to your side, your head still in his lap, while Bucky ran to the kitchen to grab you some water and Tony yelled at JARVIS to call in a medic.

"Shh, don’t speak,“ you heard Loki whisper as you finally regained awareness of your surroundings. Brushing the hair from your face, he placed a kiss on your forehead and laced his fingers through yours while one of the building’s nurses - closely shadowed by Bruce - gently checked you over.

When the nurse left, Bruce crouched down beside you and sighed. Like Tony, he had also been forbidden to see Gottfried - although he had been banned from ever visiting any of SHIELD’s secure facilities after the damage that the Hulk had inadvertently caused in the past - and the lack of action was beginning to take its toll on him too.

"You really need to stop doing this, Y/N,” Bruce groaned. You knew that he was right; this was the third time that week that you’d had a potentially deadly reaction to using your powers. He helped Loki perch you up straight and then squished himself down next to you. “You can’t keep putting yourself in danger.”

"Why is it so bad that I want to share my powers with all of you?“

Completely deadpan, Bruce answered, "Because the next time you do it, it might kill you.”

You buried your head in your hands, not comforted at all by Loki gently rubbing your back. Almost hysterically, you mumbled, “It’s not fair! We’re right back where I started and it’s gonna kill me. I don’t want to die. God, I really don’t want to die.”

"It’s different than before, sweetie. You can control your powers now and you can choose not to use them. As incredible as it for you to share what you see with us, you don’t have to do it. It’s going to be alright,“ Tony said, squeezing your shoulder. "You aren’t going to die, Y/N.”

"Well, of course she is,“ Bucky hit back. "Everyone dies eventually.”

"That’s not helping, Barnes.“

"It’s the truth, though. I’m not saying that Y/N will die any time soon but it will happen eventually.” Ignoring Tony’s aggressive mumbling, Bucky turned to Bruce and asked, “Have you worked out why it’s happening now of all times? Is there anything you can do to help?”

Even before Bucky had finished asking the questions, you knew what Bruce’s answer would be. It would be the exact same answer as the day before, and the day before that. For all his efforts, he was no where nearer to finding a cause or cure than he had been before starting. Still, it didn’t stop your heart from sinking when he finally replied, “I honestly don’t know.”

"Hey, it’s okay,“ you said, although you weren’t entirely sure who you were comforting anymore. Bruce left for the lab, asking you to join him later on in the afternoon so he could run a few new tests - you still weren’t happy being treated like a medical oddity or a strange science project but couldn’t bring yourself to step away from his hard work.

On his way out, Bruce caught a glimpse of Tony still angrily eyeing Bucky so practically dragged him down to the lab with him. Everyone knew that the best way to calm your uncle down was to give him a broken machine and let him fix it. Somewhat thankfully, you supposed, when you’d been in the lab yesterday you’d managed to trip over a new prototype and ripped out half of its internal circuits so at least Tony had something to work on.

When the lift doors closed behind them, Bucky turned to you and apologised, "I’m sorry, doll. I didn’t mean to rile him up like that.”

"It’s all right, Bucky. He’s just frustrated that he isn’t allowed to see Gottfried.“

"We all are,” he sighed. “I still shouldn’t have snapped at him, though. And I hope you know that I really don’t want you dead any time soon.”

You gave him a weak smile, reaching out to pat the soldier’s shoulder. Closing your eyes, you leant into Loki, grateful that he’d never left your side since Gottfried had been captured. Where before you’d found his constant attention a little overwhelming, you now needed that stable anchor to the real world. And, of course, you really didn’t mind all the cuddling that came with his proximity.

Sensing that there was something weighing on your mind, Loki took your hand in his and asked, “What is it, my love?”

"The thing is… I want to see him. I have to.“ A heavy silence hung over you three and you braced yourself for rejection. Anticipating their answers - it won’t be safe, what if he hurts you again, we don’t know what he is able to make you do - you became ever more agitated when they didn’t say anything at all. "Come on. Please, just say something. What do you think?”

"It won’t be easy,“ Loki said slowly, although you were surprised to hear the supportive note in his voice. He wasn’t keen on letting you near the man that had tortured you but knew how important it was to let you do this. Holding you tightly, he continued, "But I’ll do everything in my power to help you find a way. Barnes?”

Bucky nodded, agreeing with a considerably larger amount of enthusiasm. “He’s right. It won’t be easy but I’m sure I can convince Steve to help - if he decides to start talking to me again. And if not… Well, there are other ways to find out where Gottfried is being held. I’ll do what I can.”

Later that night, just as you were on the cusp of finally sleeping - definitely a rare phenomena nowadays - there was a gentle knock on your bedroom door. You rolled over and buried your head in Loki’s bare chest, grumbling about the interruption. “Can you get that?”

"I’m sleeping,“ Loki groaned, tracing his fingers up and down the length of your arm. When that excuse didn’t work, he tried, "It’s your room.”

"Answer the door, Loki.“

"Cover your ears, my darling,” the god whispered, placing a kiss on your forehead. You wished that you’d heeded his warning for he then proceeded to yell, “Go away. We’re sleeping.”

Unfortunately, your guest took that as an invitation to let themselves in and, as you heard the door click open, you made a mental note to talk to Tony about better security for your room. Although you knew it wasn’t true, it was beginning to seem like everyone was able to let themselves in as they pleased and it was quickly becoming tiresome.

Loki tugged on the quilt to pull it over your shoulders, the sweet gesture making you smile as he tried to protect your modesty. Not bothering to move from your comfortable position, stretched across Loki’s chest with his arms wrapped tightly around your waist, you groaned, “You had better have a great reason for interrupting my sleep, Bucky.”

"I know where they’re keeping Gottfried.“

"And this couldn’t have waited?” Loki groaned, sending Bucky the dirtiest look he could muster.

"Well, no. It couldn’t. They’re moving him into a different facility tomorrow. If you want to see him, Y/N, then it needs to be tonight.“

Whispering so quietly that only you could hear him, his mouth right by your ear, Loki asked, "Are we doing this then?”

You thought about it for a brief moment, contemplating all the reasons why you really shouldn’t go through with half baked plan, but nodded none the same. “We’re doing it,” you said, tilting your head up for a brief kiss.

"And you’re sure that there’s enough fuel in the Quinjet to get us there and back?“ you asked, your mind whizzing in a million directions as you made your way to the launch bay a few minutes later. You could barely believe what you were about to do. Of course, this was hardly the first time you’d done something stupid but breaking into a top secret, secured compound with a literal god and an ex-brainwashed assassin was a whole other level entirely. "Do you even know how to fly it?”

"Steve told me that the jet gets refuelled automatically after every mission. And it can’t be that difficult, right? Push a few buttons and pray…“ Sensing you tense up even further, Bucky let out a laugh and said, "Y/N, I’m kidding. Of course I know how to fly it.”

A shiver ran down your spine as you stepped out of the lift into the cold launch bay and Loki took your hand to guide you to the Quinjet. You moved through the space in silence, the seriousness of your actions finally sinking in. If either of the guys got hurt, you knew that you would never be able to live with the guilt.

"Wait here, my love,“ Loki said, brushing his lips against yours. You gave him a brief smile, unable to manage anything more convincing. Something didn’t quite feel right and you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were being watched.

As Loki and Bucky opened the hatch to the jet, you suddenly realised what was wrong. Turning on your heels, biting your lip and cursing yourself for believing that you’d get away with this, you sighed, "Hey, Tony. Bruce. I can… Um, I can explain."


	26. Chapter 26

"Don’t want to hear it, Y/N,“ Tony said, cutting you off mid explanation. And boy did he sound angry. You’d never heard him use such a tone before - not with you, anyway - and it actually made you a little scared. This was the side of your uncle you rarely ever saw; the version of himself willing to do anything to protect his family and friends, no matter how bad the actions or consequences.

"This was incredibly irresponsible of you, Y/N,” Bruce added, his disappointed tone wounding you more than your uncle’s anger. The feelings radiating from his soul hit you with an unexpected ferocity, like a punch in the gut.

"Doll, we’re ready to… Ah, shit,“ Bucky began to yell, only to look out and see Bruce and Tony by your side. He stepped out of the Quinjet with his hands raised defensively above his head. The soldier was as nervous in that moment as he had been when you’d first returned and he seemed genuinely convinced that this trespass was going to cost him his room in the Tower. "Look, Stark…”

Fully expecting to have to hold your uncle back from clobbering Bucky for trying to steal the Quinjet, you were incredibly surprised when he asked calmly, “Is Loki in there too?” You gave a little nod and he continued, “Right, then. We’d better get moving before it’s too late.”

You looked between Bruce and Tony, before reaching out and smacking them both. “I hate you guys!”

"No you don’t, sweetie,“ your uncle sighed, guiding you into the Quinjet. He helped you into a seat and you could practically feel the temperate drop when he scowled at Loki as the god took his place by your side.

"Why are you angry?” you asked, grabbing Tony’s arm to stop him from stepping away.

"Because Reindeer Games and Elsa here decided that sneaking you in to a top secret prison facility in the middle of the night would be safe, when it clearly isn’t. And then, having decided to do it anyway, they didn’t invite me to come along.“

Pulling your uncle into a deep embrace, you actually had to hold back tears. You should have known that Tony would have gone along with this. It was equal parts stupid and brave; his two favourite qualities of an idea. And, of course, he’d do anything to exact revenge on anyone that hurt you. "I’m glad you’re here, Tony.”

You felt the Quinjet grumble to life and as it took off you wondered who was flying, praying that Bruce was the one in control and not Bucky - while you trusted the soldier, letting him loose in a state of the art plane with no real idea how it worked didn’t quite seem the safest option.

Tony took a seat, sandwiching you between himself and Loki, and gently took a hold of your wrist. A cool metal band clipped itself into place, adjusting in size until it fit perfectly. You jumped when a jolt of electricity shot up your arm and ended up wiggling your fingers until the tingling finally subsided. “What is it?” you asked.

"Protection. All you need to do is tap the centre of your palm twice. Go on, give it a go.“

You did as he said and were shocked to feel hundreds of tiny metal components covering your hand like a second skin. Curling your fingers under the metal coating, you were surprised by easy it was to move them under the metal. As exciting as it was, you felt a spike of sadness in your chest at not being able to actually see the invention with your own eyes.

By your side, Tony was practically beaming. "It’s not completely fitted out yet - I was expecting to have a few more days before we went on this sort of crazy mission - but at least you’ll have a way to protect yourself now.”

He talked you through a few of the features, using a somewhat unwilling Loki as a test subject, before patting you on the back and adding, “Please, Y/N, if someone does get near enough to hurt you, use this and not your powers.”

"But Tony, I…“ You shook your head, knowing better than to try and argue your point with him, and gave him a smile. "I promise I’ll try. And thank you.”

"You’re not alone in this, sweetie. We’re all here for you.“ He placed a light kiss on your forehead and showed you how to deactivate the device before disappearing to the cock pit to talk through some things with Bruce.

You shuffled back into Loki’s side, letting out a sigh as he pulled you closer. He ran his fingers through your hair, brushing out the knots until it was completely smooth. You thanked him with a kiss and whispered, "No matter what happens, Loki, whatever Gottfried says or does… Please remember that I love you.”

Loki returned your kiss, although far more heatedly than before, and cupped your face in his hands. He stroked your skin with his thumb and you leant into the gentle movement, feeling unexpectedly at peace with the world. “I won’t let anything happen to you, my love. I promise.”

"Don’t…“ you breathed. "Don’t promise that. You have no idea what he’s capable of.”

You spent the remainder of the trip in silence, just listening to the others throw together some semblance of a plan. It was pretty simple, really: Let Tony deal with the security while you, Loki and Bucky worked your way through the compound as quietly as possible until you reached Gottfried. If anyone tried to stop you, let Bucky deal with them - him being seen would automatically cause a stir anyway, since technically he was still a wanted man - and if things got worse set the Hulk loose.

Bruce, who had spent the last ten minutes of the discussion fidgeting anxiously, opened his mouth to say something but Tony interrupted. Patting his friend on the shoulder, pulling him into a strange sort of bro-hug, he said, “I know; we’d never release the beast unless it was a worst case scenario. Don’t worry, Brucie. Everything will go perfectly.”

Of course, you should have known better than to trust your uncle’s confidence. Especially since you couldn’t recall a single time anything had ever gone perfectly with him around.

To start, there had been more guards stationed at the first door than you’d been expecting. Tony and Bucky had only just managed to stop them from pulling the alarm and alerting the entire base. You’d stayed back from the fighting, Loki standing by your side as an almost protector. In a way, you were glad that you couldn’t see what exactly was happening; all those sickening cracks, deep guttural groans and disturbingly loud crashes didn’t make it sound like a clean or fair fight.

Eventually when the coast was clear, Tony waved you through but not before grabbing you arm and pulling you aside. You tried to tell him that you really didn’t have the time to waste but he was insistent.

Speaking quickly and quietly, not wanting to be overheard by the others, he said, “Y/N, whatever happens down there, I want you to know that I will completely support your choice. If you decide to just talk to him that’s okay. If when you get down there you can’t face Gottfried, that’s also fine. And if you choose to kill the bastard then I will be here to help you face every single part of the fallout. Do you understand?”

"Thank you for everything, Tony,“ you whispered, pulling him into a tight embrace. How you wished that you could stay there, wrapped in the safe and familiar warmth of his soul, but you knew you had to go. "No matter what happens, I love you.”

"On the Quinjet, I heard you tell Loki the same. It sounds a lot like a goodbye, Y/N.“

"We’ve got to go,” you said, slipping your arm away and turning to chase after Loki.

You had to wipe away the tears from your eyes when you heard Tony call, “Please be safe, sweetie.”

Loki took your hand to guide you through the next passage of corridor and you could tell from the deep freckling around the edge of his soul that he was truly worried about you. More than usual. He didn’t want to intrude on your thoughts or question what Tony had said to you to make you cry but the god was clearly struggling to see you so torn up.

Before he worked up the courage to ask, you felt him push you against a wall and it soon became obvious why. Eight men - who you could only assume were armed - ran directly at you. Between them, Bucky and Loki had little trouble keeping them at a safe distance from you but one man managed to sneak past while they were occupied.

His soul was surprisingly muted considering the adrenaline he should have been feeling but the deep orange ribbons still managed to give you some idea where he was coming from. Double tapping your palm, exactly as Tony had shown you, you braced yourself as the device covered your hand. Aiming for the centre of his soul, the part where the coils were most dense, you brought your hand back before letting loose a bright discharge of energy.

The rebound sent you crashing back into the wall but the man was now unconscious on the floor which was all that mattered. Glancing over at Bucky and Loki, you watched as they worked together to take down the final man before grabbing you and pulling you down the final hallway. You waited anxiously by the door as you waited for your uncle to remotely open it, tapping your fingers on your thighs and counting down the seconds.

"Don’t forget to breathe, doll,“ Bucky said, sounding far more in control than he felt.

You merely nodded in response. It felt like you had a hand around your throat and a tonne of bricks on your chest; breathing was currently easier said than done. You reached out and leant against the wall, your head spinning from the lack of oxygen, and bowed your head until the breaths finally came. As the cool air filled your lungs, you assured him, "I’m fine. At least I will be when Tony opens this god damned door!”

At that very moment the door clicked open and you mumbled an apology, knowing for certain that your uncle was somehow listening in on you. You let Loki help you down the stairs and as you descended into the lower prison levels you felt the air getting colder. A chill ran down your spine, although it wasn’t the cool temperature that caused it.

On both sides, locked away in their prison cells, were some of the most despicable people on the planet. Their souls were black and twisted, pulling joy from the macabre. The darkness threatened to overwhelm you, leaching into your body from every angle as it tried to attack the light you held within.

You gripped tightly onto Loki’s hand and reached out to grab Bucky’s arm, needing to anchor yourself on their inner light before you fell to the darkness. It was almost enough to keep you feeling safe until Bucky turned on his heels, jumping in the way of an attacking guard to protect you.

Grappling with the man, who had clearly recognised Bucky as the Winter Soldier and - pretty understandably - drawn a gun, he yelled for you and Loki to keep going. “He’s the next level down at the end. Go! Now!”

Knowing that backup for the singular guard was on its way down to these prison levels, you and Loki ran for the door at the end of this floor and shifted nervously on your feet while Tony worked at overriding the system to let you through. As if the shouting and shooting behind you wasn’t enough to get you worked up, you could feel the “vow mark” beginning to burn your skin.

"Y/N? My love, tell me what’s wrong,“ Loki practically pleaded, resting his hands on your shoulders and holding you still. His concern flowed from him uncontrollably, so strong that it had enough of a physical presence to nearly push you over. "You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to go in there.”

"Yes, I do,“ you said resolutely as you turned your head away, unable to even look in his direction. Holding back a sob, you repeated, "I really do. But you don’t.”

Before he could answer, the door clicked open and you stepped through first. Turning on your heels, you blocked the path and held a hand to his chest. Feeling his heart beating so hard, you became more resolute than ever. “Loki, please don’t. Please stay here.”

"I won’t let you face Gottfried alone, Y/N,“ he argued, taking a hold of your wrists and almost shaking you. His anger immediately gave way to fear, such a deep fear that he might lose you again that he ran cold at the thought.

You wrapped a hand around his neck, pulling his forehead against yours. "Loki, please. I can’t let you go in there with me. Stay here and help Bucky. There are more guards on their way down, I can feel them coming now. Keep them away from this door and don’t let anyone interrupt us or they will get hurt. Give me as much time as you can. Please. I need you to trust me.”

"I trust you. Of course I trust you,“ he breathed, his body and soul both shaking as he tried to keep his emotions in check. Loki placed the softest kiss on your lips and muttered, "I love you, Y/N.”

"I love you too, Loki. More than anything. Remember that. Please. Remember I love you.“ You could feel the tears flowing freely from your eyes but knew if you let him wipe them away that you wouldn’t be able to go through with this. Brushing your lips against his for a final time, you whispered, "I love you.”

Stepping backwards, somehow managing not to stumble, you pointed your hand at where you expected the door control panel to be and fired a shot. The sound of frying circuits filled the hallway and the door crashed shut, deadlocking itself closed. Breathing deeply, you put one foot in front of the other until you were standing silently in front of his cell.

The horrid ooziness of his soul immediately began covering your skin, coating you in a dark shell from which you couldn’t break free. You wanted to run, to go back to the safety of the Tower and never face this man. Yet you continued to get closer to his cell, nearer and nearer to the black hole of his soul.

Your heartbeat pounding in your ears, you almost missed Gottfried’s joyful welcome; “Y/N Stark! What an absolute delight to see you again.”


	27. Chapter 27

"Tony, what’s going on?“ Bruce’s nervous voice asked over the comms. His message crackled as it came through, something about the base limiting the range of the tech. “They’re bringing in reinforcements from somewhere. I’m not sure where from but there are at least three carriers being despatched this way.”

"It’s completely under control,“ Tony replied, flicking every switch he could find to try and reboot the system. The entire security mainframe for the lower levels had just crashed. He’d completely lost access to all of the cameras, microphones and - perhaps most importantly - the doors. Without control over the doors, there was no way to get you out again.

Not believing a single word, Bruce groaned, "What have you done? Is Y/N alright? A fourth carrier of soldiers has just shown up on the radar now too. Tony, if you don’t get out of there soon it is going to be near impossible later. Code Green is looking more and more necessary, Tony.”

"I could use a little more positivity, Bruce.“ When none came his way, Tony muted Bruce’s comms, deciding that he’d have plenty of time to feel bad about leaving his friend in the dark later. To JARVIS, he said, "Tell me you’ve got something, J? I need a way to get those systems up and running now. Y/N’s down there.”

"This is a highly complex system to access remotely, Sir. It will take me at least another few minutes to break through the security walls.“

Tony groaned, burying his head in his arms as he waited for JARVIS to do something - anything - to get him back into the mainframe. He hated sitting around feeling useless but there was nothing he could do to help. Instead, he just grumbled to the AI, "For god sake, JARVIS, hurry up.”

JARVIS usually ignored Tony when he was in this sort of mood so your uncle was surprised when the AI said, “Working on it, Sir. You should know that Y/N is alright.”

"You can’t know that.“

"Actually, Sir, I can. You fitted basic monitoring equipment into miss Stark’s bracelet and I can assure you that her readings are coming through strong and steady.”

"That was clever of me,“ Tony breathed, suddenly feeling like a weight had been lifted from his chest. You were okay. That was all he needed to know. And in that same moment, the screens and switches around him started to flicker back into life.

Letting out a little whoop of joy, he patted the rebooting computer screen and said, "J, I think I could kiss you!”

"I expect at least a dozen roses first,“ JARVIS replied. "Sir, I do believe the cameras should be back in operation.”

"Why don’t you take a seat,“ Gottfried said, channelling a level of civility that made your blood run cold. Every nerve in your body was telling you to run away from this man; his show of courteousness viciously reminded you of the torture you’d suffered at his and Aliana’s hands. They’d always been nominally kind before inflicting pain. "There’s a chair over by the wall which, of course, you must have seen on your way in.”

You were absolutely not going to play his game and blindly fumble around like an idiot for his entertainment. Refusing to lower yourself to his level, you asked flatly, “Which wall?”

You reached out and grabbed the chair, sitting yourself down directly in front of the cell. Staring into the space where his soul should be, you felt like you were being dragged into the darkness; a distant star caught in the inescapable pull of a black hole. It was so disorientating, the feeling so strong that you had to grip on to the edge of the chair to anchor yourself.

"It wouldn’t be difficult to reverse your blindness,“ Gottfried said. He spoke casually as if he weren’t talking about completely changing your life - again. Like it would take nothing more than a flick of his wrist to fix your vision. "All you need to do is ask.”

"I…“ You threw your hand over your mouth to stop yourself from saying anything you’d regret. Taking a deep breath, you said, "No. I will never ask a favour of you.”

Gottfried laughed, a cold sound that felt like a knife in your gut. Someone that closed off from their humanity should not be allowed to laugh, you thought. It didn’t seem fair that, after all the hardship he’d inflicted on you and the team, he were able to joke and smile while you could not. “As a show of my goodwill, perhaps, then.”

You wanted to argue and tell him that you’d never believe him capable of such a gesture when the shadows that had now long occupied your vision suddenly began to shift aside. After the dramatic show that had caused you to lose your sight in the first place, you’d been expecting an equally dramatic flash of light or some spectacular show of power. In fact, it was a very ordinary thing.

It was almost like you were simply waking up from a long night’s sleep. Everything was blurry, nothing more than blobs of colour, but when you rubbed your eyes it all started to clear. You kept your gaze down, desperate not to let Gottfried be the first thing you saw. You wouldn’t give him that power over you.

Instead you focused on your hands, on Tony’s device and how it covered your hand like a metal skin. Grinning at the sheer beauty of the armour, you felt your heart swell at the effort your uncle had gone to in his design even though he’d expected you never to see it. The metal shone the exact same silver of your soul and was decorated with tiny green details which could only represent Loki.

As the actual shimmer of your soul covered your hand you let out a gasp. “I can still see it…” you whispered to yourself, not quite believing your eyes. It would hardly be surprising if, after everything, Gottfried had found a way to trick you again. "How?“

"I told you before, Y/N. Your powers are special.”

"Are yours?“ you asked, the words slipping out automatically. You didn’t want to engage with Gottfried but you had to know what he was capable of.

Glancing up at the man, you were surprised to see him smiling. It was far from genuine, though. It was twisted, marring his face like a horrific scar. You immediately looked away but something in his voice drew your attention back to him. "All I did was guide you back to the light. But, anyway, that’s not what you came here to ask, Y/N.”

"Why hasn’t this faded?“ you asked, holding out your arm to him. There were light burns and a few scars from the few times that the vow marks had physically manifested themselves but you somehow knew that Gottfried was able to see the dark, twisted ribbons that the others could not. "You told me that I’d be free. Our deal was supposed to end when I… when I killed the other prisoner. I completed your lessons.”

"Correct me if I’m mistaken but you did go free, did you not? You left my compound and everything you’ve done since has been out of your own free will.“ Even if you hadn’t been looking at him, you’d have known from his tone that Gottfried was smiling. He was mocking you, as he had always done as your captor, and seemed to be enjoying your anger.

"Why hasn’t this faded?” you asked again, this time through clenched teeth. “Tell me!”

"It’s interesting. Even after decades of experiments, the marks still don’t always take. The soldier and the agents, for example. I tried to mark them but they were too strong. Of course, the effects will stay with them for a few weeks but eventually they will break free. You, on the other hand,“ he said, his voice like sandpaper on your skin. Gottfried leant forward in his chair, narrowing his eyes at you until you felt them burn a hole through your soul. "You are weak. It’s why you were chosen in the first place. Far easier to break a person than it is to break into a computer system like Stark’s.”

"I don’t… I don’t understand…“

Gottfried let out a sigh, sounding almost disappointed in you. "Despite your uncle’s feeble attempts to ensure otherwise, you are well known, Y/N. Everyone has heard talk of the Stark child hiding away in the Tower, surrounded by the so called mighty heroes of the Earth but unable to protect herself. All that information, the insider knowledge that you possess, wrapped up in something so weak, so easy to snatch and break. It was tempting, to say the least.

"And then to find that you possessed similar powers to Aliana,” he continued, rising to his feet and leaning against the bars of the cell. “What a great surprise that was. We had intended to terminate you once you’d given us all the information we required but, when I first saw you in the Tower, I knew your powers would be a great asset to the cause.”

His lack of emotion, the emptiness in his voice as he spoke about the plans to murder you as if they were nothing more than a minor inconvenience to your life, made you feel physically ill. Your hands shaking so much that you had to hide them behind your back, you breathed, “I would never work for HYDRA. I want no part of it. I will not hurt innocent people.”

"Look at you, clinging to your morality even when you know you have already stepped away from it. All the guards that are dead or dying above us right now; they did nothing but try to stop you coming down here to see me and yet you were happy to step aside and watch them die. What about the innocent people you tortured in the compound? Don’t deny it. You knew what you were doing. And, of course, Benjamin - that was number one’s name, you know - you killed him. You know where you belong.“

You shook your head, trying in vain to block out his words. You knew he was wrong. There was no way that you belonged with HYDRA. You wanted to protect the world, not burn it down. And yet, in the dark depths of your mind, a part of you wondered if, maybe, he could be right after all. Every time you’d used your powers on another prisoner in the compound, you had made the conscious decision to do that. You’d put your own survival above theirs. And here you were now, risking the lives of your closest friends and family just to satisfy your own needs. Those were hardly the choices of a hero.

Sensing your confusion and latching on to it without hesitation, pulling the darkness to the forefront of your mind, Gottfried said, "You can see it, can’t you? You’ve spent the last year surrounded by the supposed protectors of the peace but you still have your doubts. Tell me, Y/N, how many people have they let die in the name of the greater good? All those innocent lives lost. The Avengers aren’t heroes. They are as much to blame for the chaos in this world as any of the so called villains that they take down.”

"I thought you wanted chaos?“ you asked, barely able to keep your voice level. You felt so trapped in his presence that you wanted to run and scream. At that moment, you’d do anything to free yourself from the heavy shadow of his presence but couldn’t. Your body was no longer your own and you’d never felt more scared in your life.

"I want to bring order to this world. It’s what you want too, Y/N. I can see it clear as day. You know what’s right.”

"HYDRA wants to take over the world. To take away Humanity’s freedom.“

"Humanity wants their freedom to be taken.” You shook your head, desperately wanting to disagree with him, but there was something in his tone that made you keep listening. The vow mark was tingling now, or maybe burning. You couldn’t really tell. You were too mesmerised by Gottfried’s voice. “They know, deep down, that the only way to survive is to give their freedom away. They do it every single day without realising, signing away their lives for the sake of ease.”

"Stop it! Please…“ you pleaded, the sharp scratching around your wrist almost too much to bear. It would have been less painful to stick your hand into a volcano. The room was shifting around you, swaying side to side as you fought to stay still and it was a minor miracle you stayed upright.

You suddenly realised you were standing in front of the door to him cell but couldn’t remember making the decision to move. Reaching for the keypad, you began typing in your access code - a combination you’d never expected to use. The first tumbler of the complex lock clicked open quietly.

The power radiating from Gottfried’s soul now was unimaginable. The darkness surrounded you, the thin red bands like barbed wire as they dragged across your skin, tugging you closer with every breath. A whisper in your mind told you that if you gave in and surrendered your freedom to him that the torture would stop. However, you knew if you did that, there would be no going back.

It didn’t matter how hard you tried to hold your hand back, though. Your fingers continued to type in the second stage release code until the mechanism finally clicked open. Stumbling backwards, you fell to your knees, unable to believe what you’d just done.

You felt a hand on your shoulder, pulling you up to your feet and you knew better than to resist. Gottfried patted you on the back and flashed you a smile that would forever haunt your nightmares. "You see, Y/N? Isn’t it better to step over willingly?”

"What’s happening to me?“ you asked, tears streaming down your face. The pain had finally stopped and your mind was clearing, although you weren’t sure that was a good thing as the thoughts began to flood your brain. Looking down at your wrist to the vow mark, you stared in horror at the dimming silver shimmer of your soul.

"You’ve taken your first steps into the new world, Y/N.”

"Get away from her!“ Loki yelled as the door burst off its hinges. Your heart leapt in your chest to finally see him with your own eyes again but you wished the circumstances could have been better. The urge to run to him was overwhelming but Gottfried’s hand on your shoulder kept you from going to Loki.

Hulk was standing behind him, breathing heavily, his eyes narrowed at Gottfried. If not for the fact that you might get hurt in the cross fire, you were certain that he would already have gone in for an attack.

Bucky and Tony stumbled through the Hulk sized gap in the wall moments later, both immediately catching themselves and pointing weapons directly at Gottfried. Your uncle stepped forward and, his voice distorted by the suit, said, "You have one chance. Step away from Y/N or you won’t live to regret it.”

"How did he get out of the cell?“ Bucky muttered, thinking aloud rather than actually meaning to ask the room.

"I let him out,” you said, your eyes properly falling on the soldier for the first time. He wasn’t what you’d been expecting but then you hadn’t anticipated seeing him in this sort of situation, all but ready to tear someone limb from limb. “I used my codes to open the door.”

The soldier frowned, his already coiled body tensing further. “Why?”

Your eyes fell back on Loki and you prayed to any and every power in the universe that he would understand you had no choice. “I know now where I have to stand to end this. To do what’s right. To stop more innocent people from dying.”

"Y/N…“ Loki breathed, silently begging you to change your mind.

You shook your head, biting down on your lip so hard that you drew blood just to hold back the tears. Taking a step backwards, the darkness closing in around you, you whispered, "It’s over, Loki.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains serious injury and character death. If you think that will make you uncomfortable, please don't read it!

"Tony, don’t!“ you yelled, throwing your hand up to stop your uncle from doing something he’d regret. He’d barely twitched but you knew that he was trying to get a target lock on Gottfried to fire without catching you. The warning clear in your voice, you said, "Leave now. Please. I don’t want to hurt you.”

"If you have any sense, you’ll listen to her,“ Gottfried said, leaning far too casually against the bars of his old cell. You could feel the amusement rolling off of him in waves although beneath that, hidden so exceptionally well that without your powers you would never have noticed, there was a note of hesitation. For all his show, he still wasn’t completely convinced that you would actually fight your family.

You could feel Gottfried tensing behind you and knew that if you didn’t act soon then it would be too late. The darkness of his soul was wrapping itself around your chest like inescapable bonds, forcing the air from your lungs. As stars started to obscure your vision, you stepped forward and growled, "Leave. Now.”

The power that you forced into your words seemed to be too much of a threat for Hulk to ignore and the tension in the room suddenly snapped. He shoved Loki aside, sending him flying against the nearest wall, and charged for you and Gottfried. Tony was shouting for him to stop but the words meant nothing to Hulk. He just kept coming at you.

"No!“ you screamed, grabbing Gottfried by the arm and falling to your knees. Drawing on the immense power of his soul without any real intention or expected outcome, you threw your arms in the air and conjured a protective shell of shadows over you both. It took all your strength to not pass out as Hulk smashed against the bubble, shattering it into a million tiny pieces as he bounced right off.

Wobbling as you rose to your feet, you reached out to Hulk, who was angrily rubbing the bump on his head, and ripped the burning ball of light from his chest. You had no idea what the others in the room could see - hell, you had no idea what you were seeing aside from a furious fireball in your hand - but you didn’t wait around to ask. Slamming it back into Hulk’s chest, he fell to the ground like a dead weight.

Ignoring the sharp pain in your chest, unsure whether it was caused by the extraordinary use of your powers or the knowledge that you might have just killed Bruce (seconds after passing out Hulk had transformed back into Banner, who was now laying scarily still at the bottom of the stairs) you turned to the others and, your voice trembling, whispered, "You have to go. Now.”

"Whatever you’ve done to her, reverse it. Let her go.“ Ignoring your warning entirely, Tony stepped forward and held his arm out, ready to shoot Gottfried where he stood. Even through the distortion from his helmet, you could hear the fear in his voice. He knew he was losing you to the darkness and didn’t know how to save you.

"You wouldn’t dare try to hurt me,” Gottfried scoffed, smirking in a way that made your insides crawl. His hand was back on your shoulder again, subtly repositioning you as a barrier between himself and Tony. “If you do, it’ll only hurt Y/N more.”

For a brief moment you wondered whether he was bluffing or not but as the black slime of his soul crawled up your neck and down your spine you knew that he was telling the truth. Somehow, being back in his presence had solidified the link between you. You weren’t sure how you understood the strange connection between you but the fact remained that you did and you knew what you had to do. If Gottfried got injured then you were bound to feel the same pain, or potentially something even worse.

Once again you were faced with an awful decision. You could either save yourself by protecting Gottfried and fighting those dearest to you or step aside and let Tony kill him but put your own life at risk.

"You’ve made the choice before,“ Gottfried whispered, guessing your thoughts. His mouth was far too close to your ear for your liking and you could feel his warm breath on the back of your neck. If you weren’t already feeling trapped, you certainly were now. "You can do it again.”

You took a deep breath and pushed down the doubt in your mind. Holding up your arm to mirror your uncle’s stance, you looked him dead in the eye and silently apologised. There was no other way; you just hoped that he’d understand. Before Tony could try and talk you out of it, you fired a shot directly at his chest plate and hit the arc reactor square on. The impact sent him flying backwards, crashing into the wall with a loud thud.

Sparks flew from his chest plate and you watched as the suit began to shut itself down. His fingers were twitching but aside from that there were no signs that your uncle was still alive. If not for the yellow mist that hovered above his practically unconscious body, you wouldn’t have known that he wasn’t dead.

Despite his occasional disdain for your uncle, seeing him hurt and in such a bad way seemed to tip Bucky over the edge. He leapt forward, easily dodging your shots, and grabbed you by the arm. Shoving you out of his way, the soldier moved to Gottfried and wrapped his metal hand around his throat, lifting him into the air and squeezing tightly.

Gottfried let out a harsh laugh. He was clearly in discomfort but it had nothing on the pain that you were feeling right then. Bucky tightened his grip around the other man’s throat in frustration, not yet realising that it was in fact you he was harming. You clawed at the soldier’s leg until understanding suddenly struck him and he dropped Gottfried on the ground, immediately turning to you.

Dropping to the ground beside you, where you were laying with your legs curled up against your chest as you waited for the pain to subside, Bucky reached out to rest a hand on your shoulder but you shuddered away. “Don’t touch me,” you hissed, lashing out to keep the distance between you. “Get away from me.”

"Doll, I’m so sorry! I didn’t realise… Y/N? I’m sorry. Are you okay?“

You could feel the darkness in your mind pushing you on as you looked up at him. His dark hair hung around his face, his forehead creased in panic over what he might have done to you. You could see the purple flame of his soul burning in his eyes, shaking more than you’d ever seen. Of course he was scared. He certainly had reason to be.

Without a word, you reached out to Gottfried’s soul once again and drew on the blackness, using his power to amplify your own tenfold. Gripping on to Bucky’s metal arm, clawing your armoured fingers down its length, you suddenly released all your pent up energy as one enormous surge through his body. It sent him flying backwards and you couldn’t stop the horrified gasp that escaped your lips when he cracked his head open on impact.

Once you were sure that he wasn’t going to get up and try to fight, you reluctantly turned Loki. It took you a moment to meet his eyes, desperate not to see the pain you knew you were causing him. He hadn’t done anything since you’d confessed to setting Gottfried free, simply too stunned to move or speak or do anything other than stare on in horror as you slowly took out your family.

You took a step towards him, your entire body trembling as you whispered, "Please go while you still can.”

"Y/N…“ It was only your name but the way it fell from Loki’s lips was almost enough to break you. It hurt far more than any physical torture ever could - and you knew from experience just how bad that could be. Every second that he was forced to watch you like this broke his heart that little bit more and he didn’t know much more he could take. You wanted nothing more than to run to his arms and fix it all but that was impossible.

"I know,” you said, drawing a final burst of power from Gottfried. You pulled so much energy from him that you could conjure a physical ball of darkness with it and out of the corner of your eye you caught Gottfried shuddering. He had to lean against his cell to steady himself and you felt a certain twisted pleasure from having managed to bring him to his knees.

Infusing the strength of your own soul into the mix - the silver now shining as brightly as a miniaturised sun in comparison to the black oily surface of the sphere - you spun around on your heels and threw it directly at Gottfried. It hit its mark perfectly and he let out a deep groan as it tore through his body.

Not waiting for him to retaliate, you drew on the strength of the Avenger’s souls - Tony’s shining yellow mist, Bucky’s burning purple flame and Bruce’s so well contained fury - and spun the light into a series of beautiful ribbons. You turned to Loki and added his colours to the mixture, infusing your own silver in as a final addition, before directing the swirls at Gottfried.

You pulled them tightly around his throat but that didn’t seem enough. No. Focusing all your energy, shining bursts of red beginning to tinge your vision, you weaved the ribbons of light in and out of his body until they literally tore him apart. Even that didn’t feel like it finished the job, though.

Focusing on the ever darkening red sparks around you, you drew them in around his body and willed them to burn him, branding him the way that he had done with the vow lines. The moment they hit his skin they left sizzling marks, slowly but surely spreading across his body until no space was left uncovered.

The power raging through your veins felt absolutely glorious. It felt so good to hurt him the way that he had hurt you. To make him suffer for everything that he’d put you through. He deserved it to feel that pain.

A hand on your shoulder suddenly ripped you from your focus and all the colours around you faded away. “You can stop now, Y/N,” Loki whispered. “He’s dead.”

Looking down on the mess at your feet, your brain registering the actuality of your actions, your legs collapsed beneath you. Strong arms caught your from behind, immediately spinning you around and allowing you to bury your head in his chest.

"What have I done?“ you asked, the tears rolling freely down your cheeks. You couldn’t stop them. You didn’t want to. You needed the release. "Oh my god, what have I done?”

"I’ve got you. I’m right here, Y/N. No one is going to hurt you now,“ Loki said, lifting you into his arms and cradling you against his body. You couldn’t bear to look at him and kept your eyes screwed tightly together, gripping on to his shirt as you wept. "Oh, my darling. I’m going to take you home and you’re going to be safe there. I’m not going to leave your side, do you understand?”

You nodded into his chest, heaving so violently that even if you’d wanted to respond you wouldn’t have been able to. Loki placed a kiss on the top of your head and held you even closer than before. Unable to think of anything, you simply listened to his heart trying desperately to centre your world on that steady beat.

"Y/N? My love, I’m just going to set you down here, okay? We’re on the Quinjet and you’re safe. It’s just you and me and everything’s fine. Alright?“ Loki placed you down on one of the benches, immediately finding you something to use as a cushion and then covering you in a thick blanket. He crouched down by your face and stroked your hair, brushing it out of your eyes. Resting his forehead against yours, he breathed, "It’s okay. It’s over now.”

You weren’t sure whether he was trying to calm you or himself but you focused on his soft voice, blocking out every other thought that threatened to overtake you. Reaching out from under the blanket to take his hand, you opened your mouth to speak but all that came out was a mangled sob.

Squeezing your hand as tightly as he dared, Loki brushed his lips against yours and wiped the tears from your face. “I know, darling. I know. Do you trust me, Y/N?”

You nodded, not bothering to try and speak again. He placed another kiss on the top of your head before resting his hand on the same spot. You felt a tingling as his magic flowed through your body, slowly sending you off into a peaceful rest.

Once he was certain that you were asleep, Loki conjured an illusion of himself to stay by your side while he went back down into the prison to assess the damage and see whether he could get the rest of the team home in one piece.


	29. Chapter 29

"Oh god, my head hurts,“ you groaned, rolling over and burying your face in your pillow. The lights were too bright and the pounding inside your skull made it almost impossible to think of anything. Breathing in the smell of the pillow, you realised that it wasn’t right. This wasn’t your room.

Pushing yourself up onto your elbows, hissing as sharp stabbing pains travelled up your arms, you looked around to see where you were. In a show of delayed recognition, you suddenly remembered why you knew this smell. It was the horrid disinfectant that the doctors used in the medical wing. Your suspicions were confirmed when you flopped onto your back and saw the other hospital beds spread around the room.

Slowly the rest of the world began to come back into focus too. You were hooked up to a number of monitors, each happily ticking along which you took as a good sign. Wincing as you sat yourself up, you realised exactly who else was occupying the wing with you. Bruce, Tony and Bucky were all sporting considerably worse injuries than you and you immediately felt guilty for what you’d done to them.

However, before that guilt could consume you, the door to the medical wing swung open and Loki strode through. Seeing that you were awake, he practically ran to your side. Perching himself on the edge of your bed, smiling when you shuffled over to make more room for him, Loki took your hand and squeezed it softly. "How do you feel?”

"Like death,“ you groaned, tilting your head back against the cold wall. "Are they… Are they all okay?”

"They’re all doing fine. I’m fine too,“ Loki reassured you. He wasn’t lying either. Whilst they wouldn’t be allowed to go back to active duty for a few weeks, you hadn’t caused any permanent injuries.

Bucky, of course, was the one the nurses were least worried about. Despite having cracked his skull open, thanks to the super serum, he was already on the mend and would be back on his feet within days.

From what the tests showed, it seemed that Hulk had taken most of the damage and protected Bruce from anything more than a few broken ribs. You made a mental note to apologise to the big guy the next time he was around; the last thing you wanted was for him to think you’d attacked him out of malice.

And Tony… Well, whilst he would be angry that you’d fried every circuit in his latest suit, JARVIS had managed to reroute the little power the armour had had left to keep his arc reactor from shutting down so he too had escaped reasonably unharmed.

"Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, after telling you about the state of the others. He hid it well but you could tell from the way that Loki barely met your eyes that he needed to know exactly what had happened in the prison. He had to understand why you’d done what you did.

You lifted your hand to his cheek but were too scared to touch him in case Loki jumped away. You knew you wouldn’t be able to cope if he pulled away from you after everything else that had happened. Loki seemed to sense your fear and leant into your hand, smiling slightly as you brushed your thumb over his bottom lip. “I need to show you something first.”

Leaning away slightly, you pulled the sleeve of your gown up and showed Loki your wrist. He frowned at the bare skin. The marks - the lines and burns that had caused you so much pain - were completely gone. Of course there were faint scars, and you feared that they would never fade, but the worst had vanished.

"Gottfried told me that the vow marks didn’t always take. That the strongest people were able to fight the influence. I think it’s why Clint, Nat and Steve have been in such terrible moods. He tried to bind them to him but it didn’t stick. They’ve been fighting the left over shadows without even knowing. That doesn’t really matter, though. The point is, my mark took.

"He said it worked on me and not the others because I was weak. He wanted me to join him and what’s left of HYDRA to use my powers for their cause. Since we were bonded, he could push his influence on me and everything he said seemed to make so much sense. All those fears I had before, I think I knew all along that he had a hold on my mind. I knew that he would try to pull me away from you all.“

You looked over to where Bruce lay, groaning about the pain before rolling over and slipping back into his drug induced sleep. Reminding yourself that he’d be okay, and that the outcome could have been so much worse, you turned back to Loki and continued, "I realised that none of you would be able to hurt him, especially after the bond physically joined us. It had to be me but I didn’t have the strength to do it. You’ll never know darkness as strong as his soul. The only way I could beat that was with his own power.

"I couldn’t just take it from him, though. Not without his soul fighting back. No. He needed to believe that he’d won me over. There was no other way that I’d be able to draw the power from his soul if he didn’t think I was doing it to save his life.” You smiled gratefully as Loki wove his fingers with yours, wordlessly running his thumb across your palm to try and hold you in the present. He understood that this couldn’t be easy for you to explain, to relive the darkest moments when you’d had no choice but to hurt your family.

Bringing your hand to his lips and placing a gentle kiss on the back of your hand, Loki asked, “You knew you’d have to fight us, didn’t you? Before you even went down to see Gottfried. You knew.”

Nodding sharply, you said, “I knew it was the most likely outcome. I thought that he’d push me to hurt you all… to kill you, just like he did with the other prisoners at the compound. I never imagined that I’d do it willingly or that I’d enjoy the rush that came after. I wanted to… I wanted to cause so much pain… Oh, god, I’m just as bad as Gottfried! When I attacked Hulk and Bucky and Tony… for a moment I wanted to kill them! I wanted to kill you!”

"Oh, darling, no,“ Loki whispered, wiping the tears from your eyes as your words began to fail. He pulled you into an embrace, stroking your hair and mumbling nothings into your ear. "That just isn’t true at all. You are nothing like him. If you’d meant to kill them, then you would have done. You fought the darkness and chose the better path. You were stronger than Gottfried, stronger than the shadows.”

Leaning backwards, keeping your eyes low, you mumbled, “Even if that’s true, I still killed Gottfried.”

"Do not blame yourself, Y/N. I saw you. You drew on the energy of all of our souls, pulling the colours and strength from us. We are all just as responsible for his death.“ You opened your mouth to argue but he simply silenced you with a finger to your lips. "I don’t want to hear it, alright? You know that each and every one of us would have killed him ourselves if we had the chance. Do not try and shoulder this burden on your own. Please, my darling. If you can find it in yourself to let this go, we can finally start to move on with our lives.”

Anticipating your next comment, Loki placed a kiss on your forehead and said, “I know it won’t be easy, my love, but we can survive this.”

The nurse came in some time later and practically kicked Loki out of the medical wing, ordering you to get some rest. It didn’t come easy, though. You spent hours tossing and turning, still completely ridden with guilt over having hurt your family and being the reason why they were in the hospital.

"I can feel you staring, doll,“ Bucky grumbled, turning over and studying you in the dim light. His seemed to be checking you for injuries and, having reached the conclusion that you were safe, let himself relax a little. Settling his gaze on your face, he frowned a little and asked, "What is it, Y/N?”

"I’m sorry that I hurt you,“ you answered, rearranging yourself so you were on your side and facing his direction.

"I know, doll. It’s alright. My actions hurt you too and I’m sorry about that. But that isn’t all you wanted to say, is it? You’re looking at me different to normal. What’s on your mind?”

You felt a small smile tug on your lips, amazed by his perception. Propping yourself up on your elbow, you leant forward and whispered almost conspiratorially, “Can you keep a secret, Bucky?”

The soldier’s eyes lit up and he practically leapt out of his bed to take a seat on the edge of yours. If he felt any dizziness from either his head wound or the sudden movement, Bucky didn’t show it. Instead he poked your shoulder and said, “You gotta tell me now, Y/N! I’ve never been able to resist a secret.”

Rolling your eyes, you tapped your fingers on the back of Bucky’s metal hand. “I can see.”

"See what, doll?“

"Everything. You. Your arm. Your soul. I can see it all,” you said, a ridiculous grin spreading across your face. Barely able to hold back your laughter, you added, “It’s good to finally put a face to your voice. It’s a nice face too. I can totally understand why Steve says…”

"I don’t want to know what Stevie’s been saying about me,“ Bucky interrupted, his face burning red in embarrassment. He playfully shoved you away when you went in for a hug before giving in and throwing his arms around you. "I’m so happy for you, Y/N. How does it feel? To see the world again?”

"It’s unbelievable,“ you admitted, finding no adequate word to truly describe the feeling. "I never thought that it would be possible. I’d accepted that I’d never see the sunrise or any of your faces or anything ever again. I was okay with it, I think. But now… I’ve got everything! I can call on the souls whenever I want. I can turn them off at will. It’s just… Unbelievable.”

"Do the others know yet? Does Loki?“

You shook your head, biting down on your lip to stop yourself from smiling. "He didn’t notice. I think he was more concerned with making sure I wasn’t going to die. I’m going to tell him the next time I see him, of course. I should have told him before but we had stuff to talk about.”

"Don’t do that, doll. Don’t feel bad for not telling him straight away. You’ve got a long future ahead of you. Waiting one night to tell him won’t make a difference.“

"You’re right. But promise you’ll keep it a secret until I’ve told everyone else?” Bucky nodded and you placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. “Thank you, Bucky. For everything. Can I tell you something else?”

When he nodded again, you flickered your gaze towards the door and whispered, “Steve has walked past the door twenty seven times this evening, trying to decide whether or not to come in and check on you. I think, if you’ve got any sense, you should go and visit him. He really wants to see you. I can’t stress how badly. Just try not to wake the entire tower with your… uh, reunion.”

Bucky placed a kiss on the top of your head and mumbled, “Don’t be an ass, Y/N.”

"I’m just making sure you get the loving that you deserve, soldier,“ you grinned, winking and giving a cheerful salute as he left the room.

The next morning, you were woken by Tony and Bruce’s arguments with the nurse. Both were claiming that they felt much better and were perfectly well to be released from the medical bay, but it was clear that she wasn’t having any of it.

"What’s all the yelling about?” Loki asked, dancing out of Tony’s reach as your uncle tried to grab one of the pastries off the tray he was carrying. “These are for Y/N, not you. Get your own breakfast.”

"Thank you, Loki,“ you sung, propping yourself up against the headboard and curling your legs under so there was room for him to sit at the end of the bed. He handed you a mug of coffee, smirking as Tony grumbled about needing sustenance more than you. Grabbing a pastry from the tray and throwing it over to your uncle, you said, "Better?

Tony caught it one handed and stared at you with his mouth wide open. You could practically see the cogs turning in his brain as he processed your actions and Bruce didn’t seem to be far behind either. Before either could say anything to give the game away, you put a finger to your lips and turned to Loki.

You reached over and brushed a flake of pastry from the corner of his mouth, placing a quick kiss on his lips for good measure. Despite the fact that Bruce and Tony were quite literally jumping up and down with excitement, Loki still seemed none the wiser as to why they were celebrating.

Rolling your eyes, you crawled into Loki’s lap and gently tugged on one of the loose strands of hair that hung around his face. "Your hair’s grown longer since I last saw it.”

"Hair does have a habit of growing, darling.“

"Loki…” you groaned, meeting his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time already. Cupping his face in your hands, deciding subtlety clearly wasn’t working, you silently held his gaze until it finally seemed to click in his brain.

"Come with me,“ Loki said suddenly, grabbing your wrist and pulling you from the bed in one swift, graceful movement. Completely ignoring the nurse’s protests, the god led you through the Tower, grinning like a child as you chased him up the stairs to the roof. Catching you in his arms as you stumbled through the door, holding you against his chest and resting his chin on your shoulder, Loki breathed, "The sun’s about to rise. I thought you’d like to see it.”

Tilting your head, letting out a quiet moan as he peppered kisses across the sensitive skin on your neck, you reached back and threaded your fingers through his hair. Closing your eyes when his hands slipped under the edge of your shirt, resting oh-so-comfortably on your hips, you whispered, “I love you, Loki.”

"I love you too, Y/N,“ he replied, nipping on your earlobe.

"That’s very distracting, you know,” you said as you elbowed him in the stomach, half hoping that it wouldn’t dissuade him from continuing.

"Maybe that’s the plan.“

Leaning back against him, you let out a sigh, more content than you could ever remember feeling. As you watched the bright light of the morning sun stretch across the city, pushing away the final remains of the darkness, it seemed that anything was possible now. You had your sight back. You could call upon your powers whenever you wanted. Everyone you loved was safe. You had everything you could ever want and it felt amazing.


	30. Chapter 30

“Are you one hundred percent sure that this is actually safe?” Bruce asked for the fifth time that morning. He sat down opposite you at the island in the kitchen and pushed a cup of coffee in your direction. “I know that you think it’ll be fine but you’ve been alright for over year now and the last thing we’d want is for something to happen and ruin that.”

Groaning and burying your head in your hands, you let out an almighty sigh. You’d done nothing but go over the details of this for weeks now. It was literally all you talked about. Every single outcome had been carefully considered and you had contingency plans in place for every possibility. You’d even go so far as to plan contingencies for your contingencies. To say that you were well prepared was an enormous understatement.

You looked up at Bruce and, as calmly as you could, reassured him that everything was going to be completely fine. “I don’t know how else to tell you, Bruce. You know that I’ve been working on this with everyone for months. Sure, we don’t know exactly what is going to happen but we are more ready for anything.”

"And you’re convinced that there wo…“

"Bruce,” you said, cutting him off before your frustration got the better of you and you threw your coffee over him. “You know that I love you and I appreciate you looking out for me but if you keep questioning whether this is gonna work or not then I will lock you in the cleaning cupboard outside Thor’s room.”

"That… is an oddly specific threat,“ he said, his forehead creasing as he tried to fathom exactly why that should be a punishment of some kind.

You simply shrugged as you got up to collect the toast that had just popped up. Rolling your eyes at Bruce’s disgusted expression when he saw just how burnt your toast was, you perched against the edge of the island and explained, "Bucky was getting on my nerves last week so I shoved him in that cupboard and locked the door. When I came back in the evening to grab some food, I heard Bucky whimpering from inside. Turns out that a) the door is for some reason unbreakable so he was in there for hours and b) whatever it is that Thor gets up to in his bedroom it is enough to break an ex-assassin better than any other kind of known torture. I had to be sure that it wasn’t a fluke, though, so I locked Clint in there the next day and the same thing happened. Total mess when I let him out. It even freaked Natasha out, too.”

"You can be a surprisingly scary person sometimes, Y/N. You know that, right?“

"One of the many reasons I love her so much,” Loki said as he stepped into the kitchen, wrapping his arms around your waist and stealing the half eaten slice of toast from your hand. He grimaced at the taste, having not expected it to be quite that burnt, and then placed a kiss on your neck. “Good morning, my love.”

"Good morning,“ you smiled, twisting around in his arms to kiss him properly. "I was just talking to Bruce about… Oh. He’s gone. Well, that’s just rude.”

You leant back in Loki’s embrace, taking in his unimaginable beauty. Getting to see him like this every day, the adoration in his eyes and the smile on his lips whenever he looked at you, made you forever thankful. Especially since a year ago you’d thought you’d never get to see his face ever again.

Breathing deeply, you summoned the manifestation of his soul, playing with the delicate green and silver wisps. You wrapped them round your fingers and drew them around his head until they rested over his dark hair like a crown of light, shining as intensely as his feelings for you. Unable to hold back your smile at the sight, you pushed your powers that tiny little bit further so Loki could also see the shining mist around you both.

Wonder filled Loki’s eyes, as it always did when you conjured the souls for him to see, and he began to mirror your actions, twirling your delicate silver mist around his fingers. He had nowhere near as much control over the lights as you did but over the past few months Loki had managed to connect with your soul’s manifestation enough to play with it like this.

Every time he ran his hands through the silver light, the wisps slipping through his fingers like sand, a warm feeling spread from the centre of your chest. It was the most incredible sensation, reaffirming your bond to Loki with every single touch.

He tried to direct the bands of light to form a crown around your head like you had done for him but had yet to gain enough control to do so. Instead, with your help, he wrapped a bright silver swirl around your wrist and then his, joining you together. Everywhere the light touched your skin you could feel tiny sparks, warm and full of life and love.

Loki laced his fingers through yours, then pulled you closer for another kiss. “Come on, my love. Your uncle wanted to run through the ceremony one more time. Don’t roll your eyes at me; I’m just the messenger.”

Grabbing your coffee and pouring another to take down to Tony, you and Loki headed to your personal training room. After everything that happened with Gottfried, you and your uncle had sat down to talk about your powers; whether you felt you could use them again, what you wanted to use them for and if it was safe for you to do so.

It had taken days to properly discuss everything - and they’d definitely been intense. You’d argued over every point the other made and in one instance your argument became so heated that you’d ended up fighting. Tony had called on one of his gauntlets and you’d retaliated in kind (you never removed the bracelet that Tony had made, not even when you were sleeping, so always had a way to defend yourself).

During the fight, you’d ended up accidentally almost killing your uncle. The shot hit him directly in the chest and sent him flying back against the wall. Without really knowing what you were doing, you’d pulled on your powers and wrapped your silver light around him like a shock blanket, directing the light to heal him. Drawing on the beautiful yellow mist of his own soul, you’d been able to heal Tony with a surprising ease. In that moment, you’d realised just what you could do and since then you’d been working with Bruce and Tony to try and figure out exactly how you were able to use your powers for the good of the team.

As it turned out, you made an incredible healer. On almost every mission you stayed back in the Quinjet with Bruce, only venturing into an active field in case of an absolute emergency. If someone came back hurt, you’d learnt how to use the strength of the another’s soul to heal them without harming yourself in the process.

Every now and then, though, you thought of Aliana. How she’d used her powers to torture others and had been more interested in controlling people than helping them. You always feared that you would one day fall down that path. You almost had when you’d used the souls to kill Gottfried. But, where she had had no one, you had the entire team behind you, anchoring you in the light. You had Loki who was always by your side. So long as he was nearby, there would always be something to keep you from succumbing to the darkness.

Reaching your training room, you handed Tony his coffee and slumped down on the sofa opposite him, automatically snuggling up against Loki. The room had originally been a secondary common room but you’d taken it over when you’d started experimenting with your abilities and spent practically all your time there - which was exactly why there were no kitchen facilities because it forced you to leave every now and then.

"If you dare ask me if this is going to be safe,“ you warned, narrowing your eyes at Tony. "I might just scream.”

"Why would I do that? We’ve been planning this for months and JARVIS has put every possible safeguard into place. I might not listen to his safety briefings but he’s always had my back. It’ll be fine.“ Tony smirked over the top of his mug, clearly having heard about you threatening Bruce earlier. He was a wise man to not provoke you (especially since you were only on your first cup of coffee for the day) and risk you putting him in the cupboard capable of breaking the Earth’s mightiest warriors.

Tony’s gaze flickered over to Loki for the first proper time since you’d walked in together and, noticing the fading crown of light around Loki’s head and shimmering band around your wrists, he couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows at the clear bond. Before he even opened his mouth to speak, you held up a finger and said, "I’m not above locking you in that cupboard, Tony, so think carefully about your next words.”

"I’ve absolutely no idea what you’re talking about,“ he said innocently, smirking when you let go of your powers and the bands of light completely faded away.

"Mmmhmm. We were just messing around with the souls. It doesn’t mean anything.” Of course, that was a complete lie and you knew it. There was no one else in the entire world that could interact with your soul the way that Loki could. Even so, the implications of your bond was something that you and Loki had yet to properly discuss and you didn’t want to be the one to bring it up.

Scowling at Tony, who was enjoying watching you squirm far too much, you said, “It’s nothing like what’s happening later, okay? Speaking of, we should start setting up. The last thing we want is to be unprepared and ruin the occasion.”

***

A few hours later, the team had congregated in your training room in their smartest clothes. You and Natasha had gone dress shopping the week before and were both sporting the most beautiful gowns you’d been able to find - no expense spared, thanks to your uncle’s overly generous allowance. Tony was in one of the stunningly tailored suits he usually saved for when he was in court (which seemed to be more and more often these days) and even Clint had managed to make himself look presentable.

Bruce hadn’t gone as over the top as Tony or Clint, but he had pulled out his “posh” suit; the one that he only ever wore when he was convinced that there was no chance of him hulking out and tearing it apart. More than once your uncle had offered to buy him a nice Armani suit but Bruce insisted that he was perfectly happy with his off the rack one. 

Thor and Loki were kitted out in their finest Asgardian armour, save their ridiculous helmets - a rare sight when they weren’t in battle, although not one you minded. You let your eyes linger on Loki for a moment longer than was really acceptable, admiring the way that the leather clung to his body, accentuating… well, everything. You decided you really wouldn’t mind if he wore that more often. When he caught you staring he simply smirked, able to guess exactly what was going through your mind.

And then, of course, there were Steve and Bucky; the reasons for this entire ceremony. You had to admit, they both looked incredibly handsome in their uniforms. You weren’t how he had managed it but Tony had called in a few favours (a lot, actually, but he kept pretending that it was less of a big deal than it was) and managed to get original World War Two uniforms for the guys to wear. You’d never seen either of them look so happy, either. Obviously something about being back in uniforms reminded them of happier times long ago, before everything got complicated and their lives got messy.

Smiling to the group, you sat yourself down and said, “I need everyone to hold hands and form a circle around our handsome soldiers.”

"This feels ridiculous,“ Clint grumbled as he fell down next to you.

"Shut up, Barton,” you hissed, elbowing him viciously in the side. You re-extended your hand out to him and stared him down with a glare that even Loki could be proud of until he finally placed his hand over yours. When you didn’t let up, he let out an overly dramatic sigh and placed his other hand on Natasha’s.

As the circle closed, you felt a jolt of energy run through your entire body. Judging by the way that everyone else jumped, they had all felt the spark too. You could feel the strength of everyone’s souls beginning to flow through you, filling you with feelings of such intrigue, comfort and joy that you couldn’t help but summon the souls for everyone to see.

The bright lights descended over the room, a million tiny droplets of sparkling colours hanging in the air like wonderful, shining crystals. Everyone - even Clint - was rendered speechless by the spectacle. There could be no other sight like this, nothing as beautiful or unique as seeing the souls of the team interact with each other in this way.

Loki caught your eye as he watched the floating green drops of light gravitate towards you and you winked back at him before turning your concentration to the ceremony at hand. “We are gathered here today to…”

"Y/N, you promised you wouldn’t,“ Bucky groaned, eliciting a laugh from the rest of the group. Whilst this technically wasn’t a wedding between the super soldiers, it may well have been. Permanently linking their souls together as you planned to do was as much of a reaffirmation of their relationship as a marriage, if not more so. Even so, the last thing that the soldiers had wanted was for you to treat it like an actual wedding.

"Sorry,” you grinned, definitely not sorry at all.

The ceremony went ahead after that as you’d planned it. Drawing on the strength and stability of the rest of the team, you’d been able to keep a constant flow of energy between the soldiers as you drew their souls together. Somewhat unexpectedly, when Bucky’s purple flame and Steve’s bubble or red, white and blue came together, the energy that had been released knocked everyone backwards.

The swirls of light had hung over the soldiers’ heads, spinning faster and faster around them until they were encompassed in a miniature vortex of colour and life and love, shielding them from view of the rest of the room. When it became clear that it wasn’t going to fade on its own, you stepped forward and placed your hand on the almost electric sphere of energy around them, drawing the power into yourself.

Channelling that level of life force, it was hardly surprising when you woke up the next day in your room, on top of your covers with a blanket over you. Aside from the usual grogginess that came with waking up after a long night’s rest, you felt absolutely fine. Long gone were the days when over exerting your powers caused you physical harm.

Snuggling against the oh so familiar body beside you, eyes closed tightly against the bright morning sun, you asked, “Steve and Bucky are alright?”

"They’re fine, darling,“ Loki said, resting his chin on the top of your head. "They woke up a few hours after, drunk themselves into a stupor with my brother and then returned to their room and proceeded to keep the entire Tower awake all night. I must say, for mortals, their certainly seem to have incredible stamina.”

"Loki!“ you said as you whacked him in the chest, for once glad that you’d been unconscious and hadn’t been subjected to that.

Catching your wrist, Loki ran his thumb lightly over your skin. "Y/N, may I ask you something?”

You shuffled away from his embrace and propped yourself up on your elbows to get a proper look at Loki. He wore an almost troubled expression and you couldn’t help but worry at the flare of panic you felt in your chest. Tracing the line of his jaw with your fingers, relaxing slightly as the lines on his face softened in response, you nodded. “Of course you can, Loki. You know that you can ask me anything.”

"Yesterday before the ceremony, you told Tony that our bond was nothing more than messing around. That our interactions with one another’s souls were nothing like Steve and Bucky’s.“

"Oh, Loki, you know I didn’t…”

"Shh, of course I know you didn’t mean it like that,“ he interrupted, brushing his thumb along your bottom lip. "But what I mean to say, my love, is perhaps you would like to make it like that. To permanently link our souls together in the same way.”

You opened your mouth to reply but found yourself unable to speak. Grappling for words, you came up short and managed to breathe nothing more than his name.

"I love you, Y/N, more than anyone else in all of the realms. If you’d prefer something more formally recognised then I shall ask you to be my wife without a moment’s hesitation. Either way, I want it known by all, and by no one more than you, that you are my entire world and I wish to be by your side until the end of days.“

With a mere thought, you summoned your souls and twirled the lights round your fingers, admiring their beauty. The green and silver swirls danced around above your heads, twisting into a beautiful single ribbon of light until you could no longer determine which strands belong to who. Seemingly of their own accord, the bands of light joined you together by the wrists. They pulsed in time to your beating hearts in the most beautiful way possible as a warmth spread through your bodies.

Bringing your lips to his, laughing at the tiny green and silver sparks that erupted from your skin as you came together, you whispered, "I hope you meant what you just said because you’re stuck with me now. Forever.”

"I knew it!“ you heard Tony shout from outside your room. He and Clint suddenly burst into your room and without so much as a good morning Tony pointed over to where you two lay, the echoes of your joined souls still floating above you, before proclaiming, "I said you two would bond by the end of the day. One hundred bucks. Come on, Barton. Hand it over.”

"I hate you,“ you growled, throwing a pillow directly at the boys - for that was what they were; children, definitely not fully grown men.

"Love you too, sweetie,” Tony sang as he and Clint made a hasty retreat, but not before offering a sincere congratulations.

Loki pulled you back down onto the mattress, wrapping you tightly in his arms. As you looked into his beautiful green eyes, filled with so much pure, unfiltered love and adoration, you noticed the tiny silver flecks in his irises and couldn’t help but laugh. When Loki asked what was so funny, you smiled and said, “Well, you know how they say that the eyes are the mirror of the soul…”


End file.
